Look At My Life, I'm A Lot Like You

I'm listening to Neil Young right now- SO GOOD. Have you ever felt a song? Like closed your eyes, listened and felt it in every inch of your body? Try it with "Old Man" and you'll figure out what I'm trying to say.

January is almost over. I know this because today is one of my besties beedays. Thanks for being so awesome January.
Things I'm looking forward to in February:

• Polar Bear Swim in Long Beach. I've been saying I wanted to be a member of the Polar Bear Club since I was 15. I couldn't participate last year because I had a sickness. THIS WILL BE MY YEAR. I'm diving head first into the frigid waters of Long Beach this Sunday and will live to tell about it. i.cant.wait.
  
• Valentines Day. I think I'm one of the few people that wake up not hating Valentines Day (by the time I fall asleep might be a different story). I like chocolate and hearts and excuses to give people cards. This year, if all works out, I will be spending the weekend with the loves of my life: The Wormers. The plan is to get the hamptons house, set up shop on the comfy couches, tye die red shirts and iron on funny sayings, bake these crazy vanilla cupcakes with a cherry pie filling I've been dying to make, watch every season of The Office, drink lots of beer, play scrabble, make some prank phone calls and laugh. Perfect<3!
• A three day weekend.
• Maybe an Islanders/Devil game which will mark my first appearance at a home game this season. I'll be wearing my jersey and a pout. And maybe, just maybe, they'll actually score some goals and win a game. Probably not.
  
• JIMMY EAT WORLD. Shana and myself (along with a couple hundred of my closest friends) will be enjoying the 10 Year Anniversary Clarity Tour on the 23rd. I'll be the girl in the back sobbing gleefully to myself. Can you still feel the butterflies? YES. YES I CAN.
  

Nice. Real Nice.
<3

Clarity

Instead of telling you (un)funny stories tonight, I've decided to tell you 24 random things about myself. One for every year I've been alive. After this entry, if we were ranking each other on the BFF-O-Meter, I'm pretty sure we'll be bfflz.

1. In the midst of my computer and iPod breaking today, this kept a smile on my face.
2. Out of all the characters I've seen in movies lately, I relate to Katie from Horton Hears A Who the most.
3. I still want my butt tattooed, and if it wasn't for swim practice, I'd be getting it done this weekend.
4. I hate that when I don't know about something, I don't take the time to get educated...that I'm absolutely OK with saying "yea, I've heard of it, but I have no idea what that is."
5. My mother tried to teach me patience by telling me "Good things come to those who wait." I realized this saying was bullshit after I waited and waited for a Puppy Surprise when I was 8. I finally got one and when I opened the momma dog up to see how many puppies I had, there were none.
   
6. My biggest fear in life is dead bodies. I am terrified of zombies, can't walk into funeral homes, still cross my fingers when I pass a cemetery and for a month after my Nana died, I wouldn't go into the room where she kicked it. This made going to the bathroom really hard sometimes.
   
7. Whenever I talk to people who are upset, there are two lines from the Bright Eyes song "Bowl Of Oranges" that constantly play in my head: "Your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow" and "Every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh."
   
8. Bleed American by Jimmy Eat World always makes me happy, Peter Pan is my comfort food and I've read The Bell Jar about a thousand times and still can't tell you what it's about even though it's my favorite book.
9. For a long time last year, I thought I wanted to stop giving. I was sick of putting myself out there and feeling like I was getting nothing but slaps in the face returned. I was so angry and hurt and could count my happy days on only a hand and a half. That's not like me. I'm really glad I didn't give in and things have changed.
   
10. I absolutely hate planning and organizing things. I love being able to help and doing nice things for people when they least expect.
    
11. I didn't get drunk for the first time until the end of senior year of high school when Shana gave me a shot of Hennessey and said "Do it Ashleycook! You're Irish!" It's all been pretty much downhill from there.
    
12. Love. The jury's still out when it comes to everything having to do with it. What it is, why people fall out of it, where it comes from, why so many people sing about it, and most importantly, if I'll ever be in it. Lately, I credit a very wise man I know for restoring my belief. With that being said, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be better. Who never lets me settle and encourages me to go the extra mile. Who makes me laugh for hours, lets me ask for help after I've tried fixing something myself with no luck & refused his offers, and even if he disagrees with me stays on my side.
    
13. I really loved my cat, Basil. I've never really loved my cat Duncan. I'm worried that this is what it'll be like when I have kids. What if I don't love them both equally? What if I don't love one at all?
    
14. My most safest and happiest place is behind a camera. When I take pictures, even if it's at a super loud show, I can't hear anything. Everything shuts down and gets quiet and I can only see through a lens.
    
15. I want to photograph war. I hate photographing people and I'm pretty sure I'd have to face #6 on this list, but I want to show people more than pretty things. I feel like I need to.
    
16. I'm a big believer in the puzzle piece theory. Your life is a huge jig saw puzzle and you're on quest to find the pieces that fit. There will be some you want to fit SO badly but won't, and there will be some that you didn't expect to fit but do. And some might fit only for a little while before they get warped and pop out. You know you've found something special when you get the butterflies in your stomach. I'm really lucky to have found a couple: Huntington Beach, The Wormers, my family at Crush, you people - you know who you are, and my camera.
17. I make most of my hardest decisions based on coin flips. It's why I have or have not told boys I liked them, went to Oneonta, and dyed my hair blond.
    
18. To quote The Wallflowers: "I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same." Except for wearing a bra and less Winnie The Pooh clothing, I think I'm still the girl I was 15 years ago. I'm still naive, I still want to be liked by everyone, and I still wear my Footprints of Canada shirt to bed every night. I never want to lose that nerdy little girl inside of me. That's what he said?
    
19. I really want to host an episode of SNL.
    
20. My middle name, Carey, was my paternal grandmothers maiden name. My brother & I share it, while my sister has a maternal family name, Mckay.
    
21. I guess I'm technically a middle child. I was so angry at my brother for coming in & out of my life growing up. I hated when he stayed at the house because my Dad would raise my basketball hoop and take my cable box and give it to him. I hated it more that I didn't see or speak to him for 5 years and was left to watch Saturday morning cartoons alone.
    
22. The dude who installed our cable internet when I was younger changed my life. He was the one that introduced me to Napster and a whole new world full of music that wasn't on the radio.
23. The only thing I 100% enjoy sharing my bed with is my stuffed dog, Mutsy. But there are exceptions....
    
24. I'm fickle. I don't always know what I want and I'm scared to commit because I'm terrified that once I do, something better will come along and then I'll be shit out of luck. This is why I had 5 majors in college, have taken my nose ring in & out 3 times and change my nail polish color every week. But I'm working on it.
    

So what do you think? Should I go to Claire's and get us some matching necklaces?
<3.

With nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through

I swear I'm not being emo. I'm just listening to Brand New. Ok, maybe there's no difference. This is why I'm not a lawyer or wasn't asked to join the Mock Trial team in High School. However, if we want to get into it, I wouldn't mind some snuggle time. I met a suitor or two at the bar this weekend, but creeping me out and giving me the old "You wanna see Afghanistan? I can show you around" line, isn't really the way to get me under the covers. We all know the key to my heart can be found in tequila shots. Lots and lots of tequila shots.

Anyway, I'm sorry I've been such a floozy, running around instead of postin' blogs. The past couple weeks have been jam packed with adventure. I saw Slumdog Millionaire (I backed it. It was a bit too long for my attention span, but it was shot beautifully) and The Unborn (ugh! booooooo! worst ever! company excluded. Not one of Michael Bay's finest pieces of work). Still haven't seen Notorious yet and I'm pretty bummed about it. I did however get to see my favorites play at Nassau Coliseum, though. I enjoy going to the coliseum for 3 reasons:
1. This is where I graduated from high school & like to let everyone know it.
2. The color scheme - who doesn't love blue, white, & orange?
3. It's the home of a shitty shitty hockey team that we will not discuss because they've broken my heart into more pieces than Heath Ledgers death. Too soon?
The show was great. There were midgets walking around and metal detectors that I couldn't pass through because of all the junk in my pockets AND I scored a goal by sticking my entire body into a NHL net - a concept the Islanders are unfamiliar with, apparently.

Since I had Monday off from work and it makes me sad to leave the dudes, I decided to invade their home and stay on the bus for a couple days. Ten thousand farts, lots of whiskey shots, two stops in Ohio, countless episodes of Frisky Dingo, too much Ryan Adams, Segway rides and a 3AM Wal*Mart stop later, we got to Minneapolis & it was time for me to leave. Thank you for your hospitality boys. After the WORST LAYOVER EVER in Chicago, I got back home where it was time to bring my dick jokes & fart talk down a notch. But then I saw an advance screening of the "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" movie and it was once again all about the poop talk. God, I am so ladylike. Got to meet Tucker Max who told me "even if you were super duper hot & had huge fake tits, I still wouldn't tell you a story form the new book." Win. I'm now pretty convinced Ashleycat is a bigger bad-ass and my book will one day outsell his. Game point and match, Mr. Max.

Big Tuna came to New York which was a nice little treat. It was fun to hang and have a delicious lunch out with him, Scotch Tape & Ant$$. Falling in a pothole on the way to said lunch, was not so much fun.

Friday night we had Swamy Shana's surprise birthday party. Erica did a great job organizing everything. After playing a big game of flip cup and sucking helium out of balloons, everyone wound up on Bell. A couple car bombs and a bar switch later, we turned into unstoppable dancing machines. Total shit show. Matt was walking around with a neon green napkin tied as a bandanna around his head, Rocks was trying to put chalk on people and I was trapped in a corner by a dude so drunk he couldn't unlock his iPhone. It's just a sliding motion people! C'mmon! Thanks for helping me out of that pickle, guys!
Saturday I got up bright & early to go apartment hunting. I'm scared that I will never love an apartment as much as I loved Happy House and I'll be doomed to live across the hall from my parents foreva eva. This does not spell out success. After a nice brunch, it was time for quick change into my bathing suit & my first practice with the swim team (I'm the new assistant coach of a little girls swim team by my house). Practice went really really well. By the end of the first hour, the junior swimmers were doing great, and by the end of the second hour, the older girls had stopped belly flopping & sorta got the hang of diving off the blocks.

I spent most of today running errands and trying to watch the homeboys play football. I was excited because I haven't played since junior year of college, but because teams were uneven, they wouldn't let me play. "Just sit out for 45 minutes until Steve leaves, then we'll let you in the game." Yea right guys. It was colder than my heart outside (roughly 28 degrees), and I felt like the little sister from the Berenstain Bears so I up and left, called Jlingus and went for a mani/pedi. I feel so accomplished! My happiness level is around 89% right now.
I also feel so very feel sleepy. So for now, I wish you sweet dreams.
Night!

<3

Sweet dreams til sun beams find you

Man, I forgot how much fun it was to "do things". Back in 2006, I used to go out and do things all the time. I'd to go to antique sales and museums and festivalish things and then I feel like it all sort of stopped. I really have no idea why. It's not like our weekends got super hectic. And the Ale House shut down, so it's not like I was spending most of my time on a barstool in Seaford. Regardless, 2009 will once again be the year of doing things. If 2008's theme song was "This Is It", 2009's is "Get On Your Feet". That kind of sounded like a Jenny Craig advertisement.

Anyway, one thing I enjoy very much is Disney on Ice. I enjoy anything Disney, really. I think it's because every May my parents would take us to Disney World. This is the reason why I can't do fractions & don't know percents, but I digress. Last week, D.O.I rolled into town and Shana said she was down to go, which was sweet, because if I went to this alone there was a good chance I would look like a pedophile. I was like a mailman trying to get there. Neither rain, nor sleet nor snow would keep my late-bloomer ass from overgrown characters on skates! I risked my life, driving 30 miles an hour on a snow covered unpaved Northern State Parkway just to get there on time. And boy was it worth it. We walked in, got our tickets & went straight to the souvenirs. This years theme was The Incredibles go to Disney Land. Not as good as the princess one I saw a couple years back, but ok to say the least. My two favorite parts of the show were definitely when these soldier dudes got one of those spinning circle move going. It's a classic. They even use it in Slap Shot and The Rockettes get an honorable mention for doing it too.

The Haunted Mansion part of the show topped the list though. Nassau Coliseum was decked out in black lights, looking much like some of my friends freshman dorm rooms, and super trippy. I've never seen it, but I imagine cirque de soleil has similar lighting. Favorite moment that is not pictured: one of the skaters busting his ass. twice.
In the keeping with the "doing things" theme, I've decided I'll be taking a roadtrip to Graceland over Easter weekend and I'm totally pumped. You may turn up your nose and poo-poo this idea, but I'm pretty sure it's gonna be glorious.

In other news, these are my new bad-mama-pah-jamma pants. They're not the most comfortable, in fact the embroidery is kinda annoying and itchy, but I think they're super cute. Growing up I always wanted striped pajama's. I know that's kind of an odd thing to want when you're 4...then again, I wanted a cat that was pink, purple & blue. Never got that cat...20 years later I finally got the pj's, though.

<3

"It's Ok...I think i just broke my hand...and maybe my foot...but i'm ok"

Tonight, in order to ignore my raging stomach ache & stuffy (read "stubby") nose, I'd like to tell you the story of how we celebrated my second favorite holiday last year. So grab a cup of hot cocoa and prepare to be mildly dazzled.
First of all, here are several reasons why St. Patrick's Day is my second favorite holiday:

• The color green - i look good in it & i like drinking any beverage that is the color of Slimer from Ghostbusters.
• Daylight drinking - aside from rugby drink ups, this is the only legit way to drink when the sun is out without anyone thinking you have a "problem".
• "Kiss me, I'm Irish" - best make-out holiday. hands down.
• Parades - i've said it before and i'll say it again, i'm a big fan - they make me cry. throw in some bagpipes and it's waterworks city, population: me.
• Weather - this is about the time of year the weather starts to get nice & i'm able to be outdoors jacket free.

With that being said, buckle up because here we go. In the years since I've been out of college, I haven't been able to properly celebrate this glorious holiday due to a little thing I like to call "work". Last year I believe March 17th fell on a Monday (and taking a day off work to drink would just be completely irresponsible). I can't quite remember how everything came to fruition, but I know we made plans to celebrate in the Hamptons the weekend before the big day. Jamie, Shana & I packed up the car on Friday night, like always, stopped at 7/11 to stock up on essentials - beer, chips & dip and little blocks of cheese - got to the house and began to tie-dye shirts immediately upon arrival. We were damn good at tie-dying too. Was this the night we called Ali when we were playing Kings for rule advice and were told "Shit..you guys are fucked up...there's no 1 in a deck of cards, assholes."?
Saturday morning we woke up bright and early, drank a couple beers and tried on fake mustaches*** while we anxiously awaited the arrival of Ali & Rocks. Once the Wormers had fully assembled it was time to call a cab and get our show on the road. It was around 1:00 when we walked into a bar filled with kegerators, lots of people and policemen with green mustaches. I had worn a beer helmet with my college nickname "Cocks" (get your mind out of the gutter) sharpee'd on the brim. I hadn't been in the bar a half hour when a drunk dude came up to me and was like "I will give you $100 for that helmet." I said "Lemme see the cash." Homeboy whipped out five twenty's right there! SOLD! We were about to finalize the transaction with a handshake when one of his buddies came up to us and was like "you're really gonna let him do that?!" Umm duh! That's when his friend dragged my buyer away and I continued to double head? I wasn't double fisting...either way that sounds dirty and the point is, I was drinking two beers at once. Ten minutes later my buyer had returned with a new offer, and I soon became helmet free and thirty bucks richer. EPIC WIN!

***Sidebar: This was during our mustache phase. We would carry spares around in our pockets & wait for the right time to bust 'em out...ahhh the good ole days.

Once the crowd at this bar started to die down, we decided we'd go with the rest of the leprechauns and head over to a bar called Casey's. Casey's is kinda like the Boardy Barn's fraternal twin sister. It's awesome & will turn into a shit show for sure, but its not as cute or outrageous as the big BB. Once we were in, all hell broke loose. I saw a woman was painting faces, and being the man-baby that I am, squealed and said YES! IM GETTING MY FACE PAINTED! MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL! I closed my eyes and let this lady Picaso do her job. "How do I look guys? Great? Cute? Irish?" The girls just stared and laughed and said "Ash, You just paid a bitch ten bucks to make you look like Mike Tyson." But I didn't care! I was drunk! It was St. Patrick's day weekend! There were boys in kilts and we needed to know if they were wearing underwear! The answer was no. Ali found out for us.


Fast forward a couple hours. I'm sure I've puked at least once and I'm confused that I can see the sun setting from inside. That's when someone spots an almost empty bottle of SoCo in the garbage can behind the bar. How it wound up in my hands? I haven't the faintest clue, but i do know it made it really easy to make new friends when you were offering free sips.
Proof that this actually happened and the many many reasons why I love this photo:
1. Shana is all business and like "take a picture of this shit"
2. It looks like Rocks is thinking about giving her number to some dude with a bad bowl haircut in the back right corner
3. The guy I sold my beer helmet to is standing right behind me.
4. There's photo evidence that I was walking around a bar with that bottle of SoCo in my hands.
5. I obviously can't be fooled by the dude spitting game and probably just slurred something along the lines of "dude! what? no! i gots an almost empty bottle of SoCo & a full bottle o' beer...ashleycat don't need you" (This was the day ashleycat was born)
6. You can see the pretty side of my painted face

After that, it all kinda goes black. I know some man in a Hawaiian shirt tried to get me to dance. I know we ate pizza at a classy restaurant across the street from the bar. I know the pizza burned my mouth & I puked in a sink. I don't know how we got home. I know that when we got back to the house, I fell walking up the stairs AND my friends tried to set me up with a dude who had a girlfriend, but in their mind "it was all good because he hated her." psshh...that homewrecking shit was so 06 guys!

I cannot wait to top this.

my nyquil is kicking in.

Knock, Knock! Who's there?

Strep Throat!
ha!ha!ha! Funny, right?
How 'bout no, Scott.
I've been strep free since '93 when I developed an allergic reaction to penicillin and pretty much every other medication under the sun used to treat it. I have lasted 16 long years without catching this dreaded infection and fearing what would happen if I did. I pictured my demise would be something like that of a character in Oregon Trail. My throat had been feeling like gar-bage for the past couple days and so I came to the conclusion that this was not something ice cream alone would fix. When Dr. Kaplan gave me my diagnosis this morning, it was like one of my worst fears had sprung to life. (Thankfully it was not the zombie one - that would have just been horrible. and messy.) HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? ugh, here's to enjoying a Z-Pack, that will leave my stomach writhing in pain, for the next couple days.

So after getting back from the doctor, I set up shop in my bed and answered emails while I watched How I Met Your Mother (if i loved Jason Segel before, i love him even more now) and The OC.I bought about $53 worth of music on iTunes today. I blame my antibiotics....
I decided that I want to be an Elvis fan in 2009, so thanks to my "following through" resolution, a bunch of songs were added to my library. Also, because of the Boardy Barn flashbacks I had this morning, I purchased some of my favorite drinking songs - IE: "Hey Baby" by Bruce Channel & the remix by Crazy Frog. Budgeting is really working!
Tonights pictures have nothing to do with anything. They're old & I took them at a fair in Levittown the night I realized I was no longer into the dude that I was seeing at the time. And on that note, I'm going to bed.

<3

This is the start of something good...

...but you have to follow through.

Oh Dear God...I just quoted Gavin DeGraw. Hold on to your pants because it's all down hill from here. Next thing ya know, I'll be slipping back in to my Birkenstock's, doing shots of wheat grass and quoting lines from that Daniel Powder song, "Bad Day."
In all honesty though,
A. Gavin DeGraw is one of my guilty pleasures - in fact, I've had many a sing-a-longs with one Doug Neumann to classics such as "I Don't Want To Be" and "Chariot", and if you judge me for this, I will track you down and take away all of your mothers Josh Grobin cd's. Then she'll cry. You want that on your plate?
and
2. I have a point. "Following Through" is my new years resolution. Boo! Hiss!!! Yes, we're talking about it...for the first time since I can remember, I've made a resolution and I intend to stick with it. I like to challenge myself. For example, I occasionally like to see how long i can go with out having a beer or showering, so I figured it was time for a new "test" and it coincidently fell congruently with New Years. This means when I make plans, or hear of some thing I want to do, or if I want to go somewhere, or come up with a brilliant idea, I will stick to my guns and follow through. So far I've already gone ice skating (alone - which really isn't as sad as it sounds) and paint balling (which is totally as painful as it sounds). This weekend, I'm planning on going to the Icecapades - because really - there's nothing better than grownups ice skating in Disney costumes (especially since I've given up on grown men who make a mockery of the ice in blue, white & orange jerseys).

Anyway, Happy New Year. Hope you had a good one. Break was nice. I got really used to waking up around 2 and watching The OC till 5. Ahhh The Good Life. Other then the activities previously listed and a few other things here & there, I caught up on some movies: Tropic Thunder (SO BAD), PS I Love You (SO SAD), I Am Legend (eh), Seven Pounds (another tear jerker that kinda made me feel bad about my life), and Yes Man (not Jim Carrey's best work, but it was better than the Truman Show). It felt nice to be back at work today. I caught a glimpse of the new AP which has a picture of We The Kings I took in it. (i took the little pic at the bottom left corner, too!)
Here's the same pic, reworked a little bit:

Enjoy(?) some more pics from my land camera.
It was so cold at the beach, my film cracked. ehhhllll.

Dear Sugardaddy,
Please buy me this camera. If you'd like to throw in the digital format back, i won't object ;0)
Love you forever.
xxoo, ash