"It's Ok...I think i just broke my hand...and maybe my foot...but i'm ok"

Tonight, in order to ignore my raging stomach ache & stuffy (read "stubby") nose, I'd like to tell you the story of how we celebrated my second favorite holiday last year. So grab a cup of hot cocoa and prepare to be mildly dazzled.
First of all, here are several reasons why St. Patrick's Day is my second favorite holiday:

• The color green - i look good in it & i like drinking any beverage that is the color of Slimer from Ghostbusters.
• Daylight drinking - aside from rugby drink ups, this is the only legit way to drink when the sun is out without anyone thinking you have a "problem".
• "Kiss me, I'm Irish" - best make-out holiday. hands down.
• Parades - i've said it before and i'll say it again, i'm a big fan - they make me cry. throw in some bagpipes and it's waterworks city, population: me.
• Weather - this is about the time of year the weather starts to get nice & i'm able to be outdoors jacket free.

With that being said, buckle up because here we go. In the years since I've been out of college, I haven't been able to properly celebrate this glorious holiday due to a little thing I like to call "work". Last year I believe March 17th fell on a Monday (and taking a day off work to drink would just be completely irresponsible). I can't quite remember how everything came to fruition, but I know we made plans to celebrate in the Hamptons the weekend before the big day. Jamie, Shana & I packed up the car on Friday night, like always, stopped at 7/11 to stock up on essentials - beer, chips & dip and little blocks of cheese - got to the house and began to tie-dye shirts immediately upon arrival. We were damn good at tie-dying too. Was this the night we called Ali when we were playing Kings for rule advice and were told "Shit..you guys are fucked up...there's no 1 in a deck of cards, assholes."?
Saturday morning we woke up bright and early, drank a couple beers and tried on fake mustaches*** while we anxiously awaited the arrival of Ali & Rocks. Once the Wormers had fully assembled it was time to call a cab and get our show on the road. It was around 1:00 when we walked into a bar filled with kegerators, lots of people and policemen with green mustaches. I had worn a beer helmet with my college nickname "Cocks" (get your mind out of the gutter) sharpee'd on the brim. I hadn't been in the bar a half hour when a drunk dude came up to me and was like "I will give you $100 for that helmet." I said "Lemme see the cash." Homeboy whipped out five twenty's right there! SOLD! We were about to finalize the transaction with a handshake when one of his buddies came up to us and was like "you're really gonna let him do that?!" Umm duh! That's when his friend dragged my buyer away and I continued to double head? I wasn't double fisting...either way that sounds dirty and the point is, I was drinking two beers at once. Ten minutes later my buyer had returned with a new offer, and I soon became helmet free and thirty bucks richer. EPIC WIN!

***Sidebar: This was during our mustache phase. We would carry spares around in our pockets & wait for the right time to bust 'em out...ahhh the good ole days.

Once the crowd at this bar started to die down, we decided we'd go with the rest of the leprechauns and head over to a bar called Casey's. Casey's is kinda like the Boardy Barn's fraternal twin sister. It's awesome & will turn into a shit show for sure, but its not as cute or outrageous as the big BB. Once we were in, all hell broke loose. I saw a woman was painting faces, and being the man-baby that I am, squealed and said YES! IM GETTING MY FACE PAINTED! MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL! I closed my eyes and let this lady Picaso do her job. "How do I look guys? Great? Cute? Irish?" The girls just stared and laughed and said "Ash, You just paid a bitch ten bucks to make you look like Mike Tyson." But I didn't care! I was drunk! It was St. Patrick's day weekend! There were boys in kilts and we needed to know if they were wearing underwear! The answer was no. Ali found out for us.


Fast forward a couple hours. I'm sure I've puked at least once and I'm confused that I can see the sun setting from inside. That's when someone spots an almost empty bottle of SoCo in the garbage can behind the bar. How it wound up in my hands? I haven't the faintest clue, but i do know it made it really easy to make new friends when you were offering free sips.
Proof that this actually happened and the many many reasons why I love this photo:
1. Shana is all business and like "take a picture of this shit"
2. It looks like Rocks is thinking about giving her number to some dude with a bad bowl haircut in the back right corner
3. The guy I sold my beer helmet to is standing right behind me.
4. There's photo evidence that I was walking around a bar with that bottle of SoCo in my hands.
5. I obviously can't be fooled by the dude spitting game and probably just slurred something along the lines of "dude! what? no! i gots an almost empty bottle of SoCo & a full bottle o' beer...ashleycat don't need you" (This was the day ashleycat was born)
6. You can see the pretty side of my painted face

After that, it all kinda goes black. I know some man in a Hawaiian shirt tried to get me to dance. I know we ate pizza at a classy restaurant across the street from the bar. I know the pizza burned my mouth & I puked in a sink. I don't know how we got home. I know that when we got back to the house, I fell walking up the stairs AND my friends tried to set me up with a dude who had a girlfriend, but in their mind "it was all good because he hated her." psshh...that homewrecking shit was so 06 guys!

I cannot wait to top this.

my nyquil is kicking in.