Clarity

Instead of telling you (un)funny stories tonight, I've decided to tell you 24 random things about myself. One for every year I've been alive. After this entry, if we were ranking each other on the BFF-O-Meter, I'm pretty sure we'll be bfflz.

1. In the midst of my computer and iPod breaking today, this kept a smile on my face.
2. Out of all the characters I've seen in movies lately, I relate to Katie from Horton Hears A Who the most.
3. I still want my butt tattooed, and if it wasn't for swim practice, I'd be getting it done this weekend.
4. I hate that when I don't know about something, I don't take the time to get educated...that I'm absolutely OK with saying "yea, I've heard of it, but I have no idea what that is."
5. My mother tried to teach me patience by telling me "Good things come to those who wait." I realized this saying was bullshit after I waited and waited for a Puppy Surprise when I was 8. I finally got one and when I opened the momma dog up to see how many puppies I had, there were none.
   
6. My biggest fear in life is dead bodies. I am terrified of zombies, can't walk into funeral homes, still cross my fingers when I pass a cemetery and for a month after my Nana died, I wouldn't go into the room where she kicked it. This made going to the bathroom really hard sometimes.
   
7. Whenever I talk to people who are upset, there are two lines from the Bright Eyes song "Bowl Of Oranges" that constantly play in my head: "Your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow" and "Every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh."
   
8. Bleed American by Jimmy Eat World always makes me happy, Peter Pan is my comfort food and I've read The Bell Jar about a thousand times and still can't tell you what it's about even though it's my favorite book.
9. For a long time last year, I thought I wanted to stop giving. I was sick of putting myself out there and feeling like I was getting nothing but slaps in the face returned. I was so angry and hurt and could count my happy days on only a hand and a half. That's not like me. I'm really glad I didn't give in and things have changed.
   
10. I absolutely hate planning and organizing things. I love being able to help and doing nice things for people when they least expect.
    
11. I didn't get drunk for the first time until the end of senior year of high school when Shana gave me a shot of Hennessey and said "Do it Ashleycook! You're Irish!" It's all been pretty much downhill from there.
    
12. Love. The jury's still out when it comes to everything having to do with it. What it is, why people fall out of it, where it comes from, why so many people sing about it, and most importantly, if I'll ever be in it. Lately, I credit a very wise man I know for restoring my belief. With that being said, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be better. Who never lets me settle and encourages me to go the extra mile. Who makes me laugh for hours, lets me ask for help after I've tried fixing something myself with no luck & refused his offers, and even if he disagrees with me stays on my side.
    
13. I really loved my cat, Basil. I've never really loved my cat Duncan. I'm worried that this is what it'll be like when I have kids. What if I don't love them both equally? What if I don't love one at all?
    
14. My most safest and happiest place is behind a camera. When I take pictures, even if it's at a super loud show, I can't hear anything. Everything shuts down and gets quiet and I can only see through a lens.
    
15. I want to photograph war. I hate photographing people and I'm pretty sure I'd have to face #6 on this list, but I want to show people more than pretty things. I feel like I need to.
    
16. I'm a big believer in the puzzle piece theory. Your life is a huge jig saw puzzle and you're on quest to find the pieces that fit. There will be some you want to fit SO badly but won't, and there will be some that you didn't expect to fit but do. And some might fit only for a little while before they get warped and pop out. You know you've found something special when you get the butterflies in your stomach. I'm really lucky to have found a couple: Huntington Beach, The Wormers, my family at Crush, you people - you know who you are, and my camera.
17. I make most of my hardest decisions based on coin flips. It's why I have or have not told boys I liked them, went to Oneonta, and dyed my hair blond.
    
18. To quote The Wallflowers: "I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same." Except for wearing a bra and less Winnie The Pooh clothing, I think I'm still the girl I was 15 years ago. I'm still naive, I still want to be liked by everyone, and I still wear my Footprints of Canada shirt to bed every night. I never want to lose that nerdy little girl inside of me. That's what he said?
    
19. I really want to host an episode of SNL.
    
20. My middle name, Carey, was my paternal grandmothers maiden name. My brother & I share it, while my sister has a maternal family name, Mckay.
    
21. I guess I'm technically a middle child. I was so angry at my brother for coming in & out of my life growing up. I hated when he stayed at the house because my Dad would raise my basketball hoop and take my cable box and give it to him. I hated it more that I didn't see or speak to him for 5 years and was left to watch Saturday morning cartoons alone.
    
22. The dude who installed our cable internet when I was younger changed my life. He was the one that introduced me to Napster and a whole new world full of music that wasn't on the radio.
23. The only thing I 100% enjoy sharing my bed with is my stuffed dog, Mutsy. But there are exceptions....
    
24. I'm fickle. I don't always know what I want and I'm scared to commit because I'm terrified that once I do, something better will come along and then I'll be shit out of luck. This is why I had 5 majors in college, have taken my nose ring in & out 3 times and change my nail polish color every week. But I'm working on it.
    

So what do you think? Should I go to Claire's and get us some matching necklaces?
<3.