- my 14th when no one at school believed it was my birthday and so i walked home all moopey, only to get home and find I was locked out, had to sit in 90 degree heat for a while, and had to bake my own cake.
- or my sweet 16 when none of the boys that i invited showed up. and the one that did, came with a girl i didn't even like that much and my entire family freaked out and my Chinese aunt ran around the house screaming "A BOY'S HERE! A BOY IS HEREEEE! TAKE THE FOOD BACK OUT OF THE FRIDGE"
- how's about my 6th birthday when i wished for a pink purple and blue cat and had my dreams crushed when my mom told me they didn't exist and then this kid Ryan took my play-doh and mashed all the colors together. i can't stand when people do that. Why would anyone want brown play-doh?
- maybe my 10th birthday party at splash splash when my sister & a very chubby me went down the really really big slide and bc i was so much bigger then her i almost flew off the entire thing and died? not only that i had to walk around in a soggy bathing suit all day and got a urinary track infection. TMI? maybe.
- perhaps my 21st birthday we celebrated on Bell bc it's the only place most people could get in? I did too many shots, lost part of my shirt, came home crawled to the bathroom and bumped in to a wall on the way to puke & passed out while my other friends crept around the house till 6 am while one friend gave another friend a blowJ and my mom caught them? My mom was nice enough to finish the dishes till they finished.
- my 22nd birthday where i was forced to go to the CRAZY DONKEY. Was that the time that a bride showed up in her wedding gown? i mean things could have been worse, i could have been her, right?
One of the most special bdays to date was last years...having a joint birthday party w/Doug at the bar and everyone showing up which meant so so so much to me. Taking the daily news truck home at 6am bc we were too tired to walk. Going out to the hamptons for long island party and the rest of the weekend, boardy barn, my aunts house, and the birth of the wormers.
This weekend was up there though. The tiki bar was awesome. i think i spent about 100$ in the photobooth. Thank you for showing up if you were there. Ashleycat came out, was dropped on the ground, harassed by a man named "Maltood" and later walked to 7/11 with Rocks at 5am for Pringles Selects which i later threw up. After a quick haircut it was off to the hamptons - sans Shana =0(. Our hotel had the cutest little dock (more on that in a minute) where we set up shop and read "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" out loud to each other till it was time to go to dinner.
We had Hamptons "Asian Fusion" and got awesome fortunes. Sorry for my "i'm gonna fucking kill you face":
After dinner we went over to Beach Bar to get fudup. I'll repost part of Darren's bulletin to explain this experience:And a huge huge badge of props goes to my girls from queens that showed up at 8pm and all but one of them made it all the way till last call at 3:45am. Not only did you rsvp for the guestlist, you didn't even need to use it since you showed up when we opened the doors for business.We showed up before there was money in their registers and stayed outside drinking in a monsoon till 4 am, making new friends and finding old ones. Ali was the one that didn't make it till 4, but it worked out great...i'll get in to that in a second. We took a cab that stopped at 7/11 and bought like 8 bags of chips so if company came over, we'd be able to feed them - that's the italian in Jamie - always wanting to provide. While in sevs, i vaguely remember meeting 3 new people and as soon as we saw the wedding ring on one of the dudes finger we ran away. We got back to our hotel and had a dance party/jumped all over ali and decided i should go jump off the dock. The water was so warm and awesome until i realized i wanted to get out bc the muddy bottom was freaking me out. Problem: I have no upper arm strength and everytime i tried to push off the muddy bottom i would sink a little more and couldn't get out of the water. 15 panicked! minutes later i somehow swung my leg around a wooden pole and got out, scraping up legs on barnacles. all bad. i look like a crack whore that skipped around a cactus farm in shorts. We all went back to the room and feel asleep with the radio blaring. (ps - i'm obsessed w/the new Pussy Cat Dolls song and hate myself for it)
Now on to Ali's departure: She left the bar bc she had the spins & wanted McDonalds. When we woke up this morning and looked at our phones to see the damage, ali had 4 missed calls and 2 texts. She was all "who's phone did you guys text me from last night" and the rest of this convo went like this:
Us: UHHHH no one?
Ali: Oh great, who'd ya give my number to last night?
Us: UHHHH no one.
Ali: Oh shit. Did i do this one on my own?
Us: looks like it, douche.
So we called the dude back just playing around. Her first question: Hey, i forgot - how do you spell your name? "R-O-B" he says. Duh! Turns out Ali made friends in the cab back home. After check out we wound up going to their house and spent most of the afternoon there hysterically laughing. those dudes may be the male versions of the wormers. I peed my shorts from laughing so hard when we were trying to leave and they got down on the dirt road in protest, in front of my car.
we got home and i gave my dad his fathers day presents - a card, framed picture of him & my niece and what i thought was a tank top from a store in the hamptons. He put it on and looked at me funny. Turns out it wasn't a tank top, but TOTALLY A FUCKING DRESS. yep. i got my dad a dress for fathers day. and like a great dad, he said "thanks so much!", put it on and walked around the house in it all night.
anyway: happy belated fathers day dads and a big thanks to my parents for getting it on and making me 24 years ago.
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