oh hello!

The summer of 2006 was a strange one. Ali and I were mourning our departure from Oneonta and didn't understand the concept of paying more than $1.50 for beers. July came around and Jamie wanted to do something special for her birthday. Being the tart she is, she tells us this place she's heard fairy tails about: The Boardy Barn.
"c'mmmmmon guyyyyyys. it's my birthday. it'll be AWEEEEsome. we can drink in the sun all day."
me & ali were like eh. i dunno bout this. the hamptons are expensive... and guidos (jamie likes guidos - she can huff & puff till she's blue in the face and say she hates them. but she's a liar), there's bound to be guidos.
then jamie says the magic words: "$2 beers". al & i were sold.
Now let me explain how the boardy barn works for the unfamiliar:

• it is only open Sundays (unless it's a holiday - then maybe it's open on a saturday or monday)
• it's only open from 3PM - 8PM (they stop serving alcohol at 7:45 - so you can sober up & drive home). Unless it's a holiday weekend. then it MIGHT be open from noon - 8.
  
• if they're opening the barn doors at 3PM, you must get online at 11AM so you're actually let in at 3PM. Otherwise you're sitting online till 5PM waisting precious drinking hours.
  
• there's a cover charge of $10
  

Jamie did not explain any of this to us.
Me, Ali, Jamie, Rocks and one of Jamie's friends i will name "Sketchers", meet up at the Bethpage train station at 11 AM. Two trains, a cab and a couple hours later we arrive at this place. A huge dirt field with people on a line that goes so far i can't see the end, waiting to get in to a place that's covered with what looks like the Ringling Bros. big top. WTF?!
After waiting on line for what seems like forever, we're almost in. I have my I.D ready and am looking forward to the minute that $2.00 beer hits my lips. We get to the bouncer - and let me say this - the boardy barn has tighter security than the FBI - hand him our licenses, are completely stared down to the point that i'm not even sure if i really am 21 anymore, and finally get the wave of approval. I'm so close to being in, i can smell the hops when we hit another road block. "10 dollars please". JAMIE WHAT THE FUCK! I throw boss lady an Alexander Hamilton & run to the bar fast as my flip flops will take me.

Once i'm there, i look at the clock and i ask "how many can i order at a time?"
bartender: 6
ashley: give me 6 (realize we only have about 3 hours to drink)
this presents a problem: How does one hold 6 beers? (i have since realized to wear overalls which fits cups nicely with out spilling if you don't move much.)
this results in chugging. i look around, realize how amazing this place is. I am in love and then ashleychugssixbeers. I stack up my cups and realize maybe i should just order 4 next time. Well, here is another dilema: ashleycantburp. 10 beers and 20 minutes later everything has gone to shit. I'm puking in a port-a-potty while Rocks takes pictures, (this was taken in between puke sesh's)
Ali's off making out with someone & Jamie has lost a $250 earing she got from her mom for her birthday. (I forget "Sketchers" even came with us until i later run in to her, when she wasn't watching and i was too drunk to feel her cigarette burn my through flesh - i still have a scar 2 years later.)

Sidenote - we got Jamie to make out with an ugly fat dude because it was his birthday too. We took pictures, she cried.

I may not know how to burp, but i am the queen of puke & recovery....so that's how i spent the rest of my first time at boardy barn till it closed, we were kicked out, and ali tried to sprint to 711 to get some buttered roles before catching the train back - telling cops she'll make it because she's a track star (obvious lie). We get on the train. Rocks & I sit in cubbies, i puke some more, ali & i start a slapping match -THAT THE TRAIN CONDUCTOR ENCOURAGES - so bad we wound up with bruises, and then she pushes me down a flight of stairs.

And that is most of the story of our first boardy barn. Since then we've gone back many a times, the hamptons have kinda become like a second summer home and things have gotten even more out of hand thanks to my aunts house...but that first time holds a very special place in my heart.

i will never forget that day last summer when i was peeing, looked up and screamed over to Ali: WHEN DID THEY WRITE SHA-BOOM ON THE CEILING?!

thinking about being able to start this all over again this weekend makes me giddy. it's like christmas eve and i'm getting the best present in the world.