Can you still feel the butterflies?

HAHAHA oh man. America's Funniest Home Videos still cracks me up. I'm sitting here watching elderly people fall off boats and giggling uncontrollably. In my book, nothin is better than that. OK, that's a lie...maybe fart sounds. Seriously, it makes me sad to think that deaf people will never hear something so funny. This is something I think about on a daily basis.

Friday me and Ali packed up the car with snacks and drove down to Ocean City, MD to visit our friend Val. We're the only two idiots that could get lost between my house and the Jersey Turnpike....twice. We had a lovely 24 hours full of crab cakes, beers, and ice cream covered waffles. I also picked up a sweet new apron.


Monday Shana, Scott, Justin, Danielle, Whit, myself and a bajillion other people went to see Jimmy Eat World. It was the first night of the Clarity x 10 tour and something I had been waiting for since November. squee. They sounded AMAZING. I'm so so so lucky I got to see it. After the show a couple of us went to Barcelona Bar. Shots for everyone!!!

Last night to celebrate Fat Tuesday, Jamie, Shana & I went to dinner and then looked for something to do in one of the bars on Bell. We hit the goldmine when we walked in to Dempsy's and they were doing Karaoke. I finally got to sing "Levon" by Elton John. This is something the gay man inside me has been wanting to do for months. Mission complete!

<3

Amusement or treasure, these optimistic pleasures Like the Ferris Wheel!

Contrary to that little title, this post does not include one ferris wheel. How sad! Summer needs to get here quick so I can get to every possible longuyland fair and take one too many pictures of gigantic spinning wheels that make me smile.


Speaking of smiling and other odd facial expressions, every now and again I like to shut my bedroom door and practice different faces for my camera. You know you do it too. Most of mine come out a bit Downs-y. Which immediately gives me flashbacks to the Christmas where my family was playing Trivial Pursuit and after downing one too many CC Manhattan On The Rocks, my Dad announced "We didn't think you were going to make it past the age of two. Yea, we all thought you had...what's that thing called? Oh yea! Down Syndrome! I'm serious." Man did I prove you wrong or what, Pops?

Ocean City or Bust!

<3

I love Love.

I also love The Format. And Kittens, Inspired by Kittens - it's like the Cunningham Muffins of cats!

Well another Valentine's Day has come and gone. I think this was probably my most favorite one to date. I did almost exactly what I said I was going to do: bake, watch The Office, and drink beers with my friends. And I lahhhhhhved every minute of it. The Hamptons part didn't happen, but that just means it will only be more special when we head out St. Patrick's Day weekend! Horrah! Less than one month left. Better start a-packin'.

These are the cherry pie filled cupcakes I made - complete with homemade marshmallow icing. The lil bastids took 3 hours to bake and as of 1AM Wednesday morning, there's only one left. When I had my first bite, I giggled like a little girl who had accidentally wandered into the boys locker room. I may have blushed a little too.

While trying to locate ingredients (it's unbelievable how hard it is to find corn syrup & buttermilk in Queens), I also picked up some of my favorite flowers and made a little arrangement. Unfortunately, no hydrangeas could be found at either Stop & Shop or Walbaums. They still made me smile though.

The rest of my three day weekend was spent nursing a stomach ache, watching Madagascar 2 and The OC, spending money on clothes I don't really need but looked really cute in, mani/pedis and sushi, celebrating Ali's birthday, finally getting around to getting my Tara McPherson print framed and sleeping till 2PM. Ah yes, the stuff dreams are made of.


<3

It's My Bedsheet Covered With Sand

So I took that blue blanket to the beach on Sunday and retardedly forgot to shake shake, shake shake, a-shake it out. I'm still finding sand everywhere. I kinda like it though....reminds me of summer and falling asleep on the beach, only I'm waking up less sunburned. Yay? There's just about 136 days left till I can be at the beach every weekend. My boogie board is very happy about this.

Until then, we're stuck living in this icy tundra. In real life, my street looks exactly like all these photos, except less blurry. I actually kinda love the way my town looks when it snows. Even though it's a pain in le ass, it's got a pretty classic look to it. Perhaps this is why they were shooting a new show called "The Unusuals" here the other day? Anyway, I remember the blizzard of 1996? and going sledding down one of the big hills a couple blocks away. We had this shitty lavender sled that moved like lightning and cracked when I sat in it. I looked like a cross between Clark W. Griswold and Helga from The Oblongs speeding down that hill. Of course the ropes to steer the thing never worked and I wound up face first in a bunch of reeds, which may or may not have resulted in a nose bleed. To make matters worse, because I was so chubs and had little to no upper arm strength, I couldn't make it back up the slope. My brother had to come halfway down to meet me & extend his leg out and pull me up. Ahhh the good ole days. I probably went home and had my mom make me some hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and threw a party for my Beanie Babies after this.



<3

Put me in, Coach - I'm ready to play today

I did it! I actually did it! And can't wait to do it again next year!!
Sunday morning I woke up after having crazy nightmares about singing dolphins and 40 foot waves, not really sure about this polar bear swim. I even thought about giving up the dream and going back to bed - the dolphins were kinda cute. Then I thought about how disappointed I'd be with myself. This is something that I've been wanting to do forever, and I've been doing so well with my resolution. This wasn't a time to quit! Plus, how shitty would it be if I showed up at the playground on Monday after bragging to everyone what my Sunday plans were? So I called Shana and begggggggggged her to come with me. She said yes and I am eternally grateful for that. After a 15 minute walk down the boardwalk, I started getting the butterflies. I was super dooper nervous and kept hearing my mother's voice saying "You could go in to cardiac arrest or get hypothermia. Don't die." I silenced her immediately and took off my clothes once I saw the, approximately, 3500 other people.

You'd think they'd sound an alarm or a whistle or something, but nope. All of a sudden around 1:30, people just started charging the water. I've never seen Braveheart, but I imagine this is what one of the scenes would look like, only more wet & less face paint. As I started running in, friends were helping fallen friends out, people were turning blue and the crowd got thinner. But it was too late to turn back and I wasn't scared anymore. I was on a mission. I was expecting to feel the sting of the balmy 38 degree water upon entry, but I didn't (that's what she said). Not until after I dove under and started making my way out did things started to hurt, sting, cramp, and lock up. Yikes! It was at that moment my mother's voice popped back into my head and I forced my way out. This is a picture I took of myself as I headed back to my towel that Shana was so graciously holding out for me. I'm not 100% sure if that's water or snot dripping out my nose.
"Because," she said "when you're scared but you still do it anyway, that's brave." - Coraline.

<3

Look At My Life, I'm A Lot Like You

I'm listening to Neil Young right now- SO GOOD. Have you ever felt a song? Like closed your eyes, listened and felt it in every inch of your body? Try it with "Old Man" and you'll figure out what I'm trying to say.

January is almost over. I know this because today is one of my besties beedays. Thanks for being so awesome January.
Things I'm looking forward to in February:

• Polar Bear Swim in Long Beach. I've been saying I wanted to be a member of the Polar Bear Club since I was 15. I couldn't participate last year because I had a sickness. THIS WILL BE MY YEAR. I'm diving head first into the frigid waters of Long Beach this Sunday and will live to tell about it. i.cant.wait.
  
• Valentines Day. I think I'm one of the few people that wake up not hating Valentines Day (by the time I fall asleep might be a different story). I like chocolate and hearts and excuses to give people cards. This year, if all works out, I will be spending the weekend with the loves of my life: The Wormers. The plan is to get the hamptons house, set up shop on the comfy couches, tye die red shirts and iron on funny sayings, bake these crazy vanilla cupcakes with a cherry pie filling I've been dying to make, watch every season of The Office, drink lots of beer, play scrabble, make some prank phone calls and laugh. Perfect<3!
• A three day weekend.
• Maybe an Islanders/Devil game which will mark my first appearance at a home game this season. I'll be wearing my jersey and a pout. And maybe, just maybe, they'll actually score some goals and win a game. Probably not.
  
• JIMMY EAT WORLD. Shana and myself (along with a couple hundred of my closest friends) will be enjoying the 10 Year Anniversary Clarity Tour on the 23rd. I'll be the girl in the back sobbing gleefully to myself. Can you still feel the butterflies? YES. YES I CAN.
  

Nice. Real Nice.
<3

Clarity

Instead of telling you (un)funny stories tonight, I've decided to tell you 24 random things about myself. One for every year I've been alive. After this entry, if we were ranking each other on the BFF-O-Meter, I'm pretty sure we'll be bfflz.

1. In the midst of my computer and iPod breaking today, this kept a smile on my face.
2. Out of all the characters I've seen in movies lately, I relate to Katie from Horton Hears A Who the most.
3. I still want my butt tattooed, and if it wasn't for swim practice, I'd be getting it done this weekend.
4. I hate that when I don't know about something, I don't take the time to get educated...that I'm absolutely OK with saying "yea, I've heard of it, but I have no idea what that is."
5. My mother tried to teach me patience by telling me "Good things come to those who wait." I realized this saying was bullshit after I waited and waited for a Puppy Surprise when I was 8. I finally got one and when I opened the momma dog up to see how many puppies I had, there were none.
   
6. My biggest fear in life is dead bodies. I am terrified of zombies, can't walk into funeral homes, still cross my fingers when I pass a cemetery and for a month after my Nana died, I wouldn't go into the room where she kicked it. This made going to the bathroom really hard sometimes.
   
7. Whenever I talk to people who are upset, there are two lines from the Bright Eyes song "Bowl Of Oranges" that constantly play in my head: "Your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow" and "Every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh."
   
8. Bleed American by Jimmy Eat World always makes me happy, Peter Pan is my comfort food and I've read The Bell Jar about a thousand times and still can't tell you what it's about even though it's my favorite book.
9. For a long time last year, I thought I wanted to stop giving. I was sick of putting myself out there and feeling like I was getting nothing but slaps in the face returned. I was so angry and hurt and could count my happy days on only a hand and a half. That's not like me. I'm really glad I didn't give in and things have changed.
   
10. I absolutely hate planning and organizing things. I love being able to help and doing nice things for people when they least expect.
    
11. I didn't get drunk for the first time until the end of senior year of high school when Shana gave me a shot of Hennessey and said "Do it Ashleycook! You're Irish!" It's all been pretty much downhill from there.
    
12. Love. The jury's still out when it comes to everything having to do with it. What it is, why people fall out of it, where it comes from, why so many people sing about it, and most importantly, if I'll ever be in it. Lately, I credit a very wise man I know for restoring my belief. With that being said, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be better. Who never lets me settle and encourages me to go the extra mile. Who makes me laugh for hours, lets me ask for help after I've tried fixing something myself with no luck & refused his offers, and even if he disagrees with me stays on my side.
    
13. I really loved my cat, Basil. I've never really loved my cat Duncan. I'm worried that this is what it'll be like when I have kids. What if I don't love them both equally? What if I don't love one at all?
    
14. My most safest and happiest place is behind a camera. When I take pictures, even if it's at a super loud show, I can't hear anything. Everything shuts down and gets quiet and I can only see through a lens.
    
15. I want to photograph war. I hate photographing people and I'm pretty sure I'd have to face #6 on this list, but I want to show people more than pretty things. I feel like I need to.
    
16. I'm a big believer in the puzzle piece theory. Your life is a huge jig saw puzzle and you're on quest to find the pieces that fit. There will be some you want to fit SO badly but won't, and there will be some that you didn't expect to fit but do. And some might fit only for a little while before they get warped and pop out. You know you've found something special when you get the butterflies in your stomach. I'm really lucky to have found a couple: Huntington Beach, The Wormers, my family at Crush, you people - you know who you are, and my camera.
17. I make most of my hardest decisions based on coin flips. It's why I have or have not told boys I liked them, went to Oneonta, and dyed my hair blond.
    
18. To quote The Wallflowers: "I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same." Except for wearing a bra and less Winnie The Pooh clothing, I think I'm still the girl I was 15 years ago. I'm still naive, I still want to be liked by everyone, and I still wear my Footprints of Canada shirt to bed every night. I never want to lose that nerdy little girl inside of me. That's what he said?
    
19. I really want to host an episode of SNL.
    
20. My middle name, Carey, was my paternal grandmothers maiden name. My brother & I share it, while my sister has a maternal family name, Mckay.
    
21. I guess I'm technically a middle child. I was so angry at my brother for coming in & out of my life growing up. I hated when he stayed at the house because my Dad would raise my basketball hoop and take my cable box and give it to him. I hated it more that I didn't see or speak to him for 5 years and was left to watch Saturday morning cartoons alone.
    
22. The dude who installed our cable internet when I was younger changed my life. He was the one that introduced me to Napster and a whole new world full of music that wasn't on the radio.
23. The only thing I 100% enjoy sharing my bed with is my stuffed dog, Mutsy. But there are exceptions....
    
24. I'm fickle. I don't always know what I want and I'm scared to commit because I'm terrified that once I do, something better will come along and then I'll be shit out of luck. This is why I had 5 majors in college, have taken my nose ring in & out 3 times and change my nail polish color every week. But I'm working on it.
    

So what do you think? Should I go to Claire's and get us some matching necklaces?
<3.