Meet Me In Montauk

A couple weekends ago, the Wormers took over Montauk.

The day was filled with:

• Checking out the light house and being yelled at by a cranky old lady that obviously hated tourists and her job, who told us to "take a free walk to hell."
  
• The best margaritas of. my. life.
  
• Having a couple different strangers take pictures of us on the rocks.
  
• Finally buying a new boogie board, friendship bracelets (because we're 25 minus the 20), and sweatpants that say "THE END" across the ass - LOL?
  
• Eating lobsta at the place the hunky Australian dudes told us they worked at.
• An art fair & men in short denim shorts. Like seriously short - and they were not cut-offs. I'm not sure if that makes things better or worse.
  
• Naps in the car.
  
• And finding a pole to dance on. Jamie was a natural. Duh.
  

It was a good day.

YO - check out a new side project.
<3

Heartbreak Hotel

Well, it's been a while (did anyone else just read that as if Aaron Lewis was sing-talking it?). Anyway, please forgive me for my absence and for getting Stained stuck in your head.

Our road trip to Graceland was awesome and most definitely filled with some "wtf" and "did that really just happen?" moments that still make me laugh when I think about them. On Friday, April 10, 2009, I packed the car and picked up Shana at an ungodly hour of 4:30 AM...it's just plane wrong and unnatural to be up before the sun. For the most part, we sailed smoothly (despite my "check engine" light coming on about an hour in to our drive and lasting till we got back home on Tuesday) to Dinosaur Land in Winchester, VA. We got lost along the way and wound up at that sketchy bait & tackle place where there were cameras monitering the bathrooms and they sold Clamato....you get the picture (and apparently so do they...of my ass).


We finally made it to Dinosaur Land where we were greeted by these magnificent, 20 feet tall, violent, figurines. And a Totem Poll.Check out the Dino in the background here. He's such a creep...just sitting there, scouring at the camera. He looks like the tall angry kid that's stuck in the back row of your third grade class photo, just plotting ways to ruin the picture. If you think this is disturbing, you shoulda seen the Brontosaures dieing in the sand pit, or the group of Hillbillies that were trailing behind us. Ehhllll.

Learning about all those precious dinosaurs made us hungry, and this amazing thought popped in to our heads - "We're out of NY...there must be a sonic around here!" - man were we right. I was so excited to get a Cherry Limeade, I got caught speeding. Doing 57 in a 35 is looked down upon and considered "Reckless Driving" in Virginia, probably because I could hit someone on a tractor. Thankfully, my officer decided he didn't feel like taking me to jail, I passed GO and collected $200.

Big apology going out to the homegirl at Sonic that brought us our food. "Ooops, I think there's some hair stuck to those pennies." I bet she really wished she could have spit in our food.
Once we ate, we were back on the road and on our way to the Shenandoah Caverns.
It cost $20 to get in, and we had seen stalagmites before, so we decided to just hang around the gift shop and then go explore this abandoned barn that we found next to the Tyson Chicken plant down the road.

We were going to drive all the way to Nashville that night, but after 13 hours of driving and a tornado warning in Knoxville, TX, we decided we should pull over and get a room in lovely Bristol (Palin) Tennessee. "Let's stay at a Howard Johnson says Shana. I say "Sure! They're cheap! Let's do it!". BIG MISTAKE.
Unforgettable things about our HoJo experience:

• As we were running out of my car to the "lobby" in the pouring rain, Shana slipped on the pavement and slid right into the hotel. Had we been playing baseball, an umpire would have called her SAFE and she would have scored a run.
  
• Boomhower from King Of The Hill was definitely in a room a couple doors down.
  
• The word "Fuck" was carved on the bathroom wall.
• There were ciggarette burns in our sheets. I tried so hard not to move during the middle of the night because I was afraid what my feet would find.

I don't think I've ever left a hotel room as quick as I left that horrid filth trap, and lawd knows I've had to gitty up and go0o0o a couple times in my day. Get your mind outta the gutter...I've overslept check out times. A quick couple hours later we made it to Nashville, checked in to what felt like a 5 star Best Western hotel, got picked up by the Kenny Powers cab driver and headed over to Yazoo Brewery. We were the first people on line for the 5:00 Brewery Tour and missed half of it. Once the tour was over and I chugged a Dos Perros Ale, we got back in the Kenny Powers cab and headed to downtown Nashville. We had dinner at the lovely Big River Grille & Brewing Works and by "dinner", I mean nachos, Patron Silver Margaritas and shots of Crown that we were forced to take and then pay for. This lead us to the tattoo shop down the street and I'm now the proud owner of a cute little music note tattoo. YAY! As we walked out of the tattoo shop, we hailed a cab that was sitting right on the corner. We told the driver that we wanted to go back to our hotel and as he made the right turn in to the cross walk, he hit a girl crossing the street. She got up & was fine, but talk about AWKWARDDDDD. I am the queen of awkward situations (see: my "Nana died in my house on New Years eve when I had friends over "story) but this one kinda took the cake. The rest of the ride home our driver just kept talking about how he was going to have to tell his wife & kids he lost another job and asked if we were going to call & complain about him too. I just wanted to go to sleep.

Easter Sunday we woke up bright and early and finished our drive to Memphis. Elvis' interior designer deserves a medal. Graceland was definitely cool and I'm glad I got to see it (plus I got inspiration for my next Halloween costume), but going to Sun Studios gave me chills. I didn't think it was going to mean that much to me, but I got there and it was like BAM! This is the reason why you are where you are in life.



We headed back to Nashville in the torrential rain to go see We The Kings & The Cab play a show at Rocketown. Shana gets 4 Gold Stars for keeping us alive in that weather. I didn't believe the song "Walking In Memphis" held any truth in the lyrics until I actually touched down in the pouring rain, myself. After the show a couple of us wound up back downtown. We went to a bar that was filled with lots of dudes and I thought "Yes! My odds have skyrocketed!" Then I looked around and saw that all these men were really friendly towards one another. I thought "Hey! Maybe it's a southern thing." Then I heard some guys singing Elton John and Madonna and thought "Well that's strange." Then I realized, we were in a gay cowboy bar. From there we wound up in a weird penthouse bar where a dance battle ensued and we were threatened and immediately had to leave before we got beat up. We shared a taxi back to the hotel with the loveliest gay man I've ever met, who once we stopped at the gay club he was going to, ran out of the cab like Speedy Gonzalez on crack.

The day after that was spent driving to DC and stopping at a couple Sheetz so Shana could get Mac & Cheese. And that was pretty much our trip minus a couple other incriminating tales. Spring Beak OH TEN!!!!!

Ok that's all I got for you, I am sleeeeeeepy! But before I got, please meet my new little lady, Lily. I didn't get 2 arms full of Siamese kittehs. Just one handful, and I couldn't be happier. awwww.

I'm taking flying trapeze lessons on Friday, Shannon's graduating from college soon and memorial day is coming up, so I'll have a lot to report in the upcoming weeks.
Night!
<3

"She like-a da way ya dick taste"

That is my favorite line from a movie I watch way too often. I like to watch "Knocked Up" before I go out on Friday nights, when I get home from the bars while eating White Castle, when I'm hungover on Saturday afternoons, when it's on Starz, when I'm sad and when I'm happy.

Anyway, here's a current list of things I want for this spring & summer:

Aside from beer, my most favorite alcoholic drink is tequila, which leads us to Margaritas! This summer I'd like to celebrate Margarita Mondays with the Margarator. If this is given to me, I foresee trouble in the near future.


I think I want to start wearing heels more regularly? Especially ones that look like these? If I happen to purchase these, and wear them on a Margarita Monday, there is no doubt in my mind I will wind up with at least one broken bone. But they're so pretty.


Lots & lots of film. And I'd like it to cost less. Polaroid discontinuing pack film is really hindering my creative flow. Shame on you, Polaroid.

I think I'd like a new crush. Maybe even a crush that isn't one sided and on a celebrity? Perhaps a crush that would lead to a manfriend joining me on a family vacation so I could share my bed with him instead of my parents?


I'd love it if the Wormers could take a lovely, all inclusive, beach vacation together. It'd be like the episode of Saved By The Bell when the gang went to Palm Springs. Only there'd be less Kelly/Zack drama and it'd be more like a week long shitshow - like St. Patrick's Day, only on steroids, because booze would be free.


I need an apartment. Perhaps I'm picky, but I don't want to settle and live in a janky shithole. I'd like a nice affordable place, in a great neighborhood, that has an absentee landlady & all/most utilities included. Is that too much to ask for? I won't give up hope.


I want two arm fulls of Siamese kittens so I can create the New York chapter of an itty bitty kitty orchestra called "The Meowing Cats Chorus". I'll settle for just one to snuggle with, though. Top kitten names are Bowie, Arbus and Stout.


This is what a mature bed looks like. The damask print is seductively whispering, in a very attractive French accent, "Oh Cherie, I am so ve-lee sovt and at-tract-eeve. Buy me. Sleep with me. I vill make you ap-ee." My future bedspread kinda sounds like the bee from the Nasonex commercial. Want.


A goose that lays golden eggs, because c'mmon, who wouldn't want one?


Ok, my Veruca Salt "I want, I want, I want" rant is over.


Happy Birthday Mommy.
<3

I'm just taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River Line

Mr. William Joel said it best & you know the rest of that lyric. It's a little too cheesy for me to write. Plus it always reminds me of that episode of Sex And The City (I think I just lost 4 male readers) when Big's dating a movie star.

Anyway, I find that title only fitting because all these pictures are from my very first trip to Ellis Island. Being a New Yorker, I take things like the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building and really good pizza for granted. I realized this when I was playing the "Guess Where They're From" game on the ferry and overheard different conversations of awe. Ya know, everyone still gasps in the same language.



Shana and I, and maybe Jamie? (please please puhleassssssse come with us!) are leaving for our roadtrip to Graceland on Friday. I am super pumped to see more of the country and put some check marks next to my life goal list. Especially the one that says "See retarded landmarks around the world. I.E: Big Fake Dinosaurs/World's Largest Ball of Twine."
Wish us luck!
<3

If you’re looking for thrills Then get cold feet

(The song of the week is "I Do Not Hook Up" by mmmmKELLYCLARKSON. Sweet, sweet, Kels has done it once again and produced a song that will now be considered my anthem and sung at the top of my lungs when no one is around. Thank you for that.)

Only a baby post tonight. Sorry I've been M.I.A. I've had bigger fillet o' fish to fry. By that, I mean I've been watching so many episodes of bridal shows on WE that my male friends are oddly concerned for my mental health, and drinking till I black out. Welcome to my nightmare.

Anyway, A. I miss this:
and B. We will discuss St. Patrick's Extended Weekend 2009 and all the magic (make-a-wish make-outs, insults and accusations, alcohol theft, etc.) that came with it, just night tonight. I'm sure you'll be glued to the edge of your seat till my next post.

oh P.S. - not sure if anyone who reads my blog is a fan of BMX and I'm not sure if it's old, but this is pretty sweet. It's inspired me to dust off my Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX 2 game, pop it in my PS2 and knock over some ladders in Woodward. Cha ching

<3

You've got a diamond under your skin

This better be the last photo I take of snow in 2009. I've had it up to HERE - which is about the same height required in order to ride most major roller coasters in the US. Suck it old man winter.


Thanks to Shana's awesome recommendation, I've been a little obsessed with this band Seabear, since last Friday. The music is so cute. It sounds like a band of sparkling midget angels on vocals and 8 baby kittens playing the instruments. Ok, maybe that doesn't seem like it would sound very good, but trust me...it does. OH! And that adorable little name! Ever since I've heard the word "Seabear" my mind has stayed busy picturing something far too cute for this universe. So I took it upon myself to draw what I think a Seabear would look like:

Hamptons Friday!!!!! Can't wait to blow last St. Patricks day out of the water.
These tweets pretty much sum it all up: then the middle gets blank...then ashley will stick her hand in the garbage and pull out a bottle w very lil liquor in it. and shell walk around with the bottle doing mini shots out of it. and then I can't remember anything else.
VIVA ST. PAT!
<3!

Yours To Keep

I'm currently watching season 3 of The Office. Andy Bernard is one of my least favorite characters of all time. I really don't think it's my pms saying this, but I want to kick Andy in the nuts while someone else rips out his vocal chords. Homeboy needs to take it down a notch.

Aside from watching my glorious DVDs from the comfort of my bed, I've been baking a lot. Earlier in the week I made some delicious Beer Bread with mah fave, Sam Adams Cherry Wheat. Deeeelish.

After learning my "Levon" lesson on Tuesday, I learned to pick something a little more "crowd friendly" at karaoke on Friday. I got really into Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know". I wish my Rosie Perez impression was this dead on. One day it will be - it's on my life goal list. Seriously. The night came to a close after we stole a marble owl we named "Hoo" from the bar and got some t. bell. I woke up Saturday morning with a tequila headache, after fending off advances from that creep Ali who tried to make me the little spoon during the middle of the night. Creep.

Last night I stayed in and made cupcakes for my Dad's 55th birthday. Bailey's Irish Cream, regular and white chocolate chips, topped off with a vanilla mint frosting. Yahatzee!

Here's to that snow storm of the century.
Anything's possible on a snow day!
<3