Is this the airport, Clark?

I think it's Tuesday? This is what happens when i don't have to wake up for work....i lose all concept of date & time.
Take a look at what my day looked like:
12:30 - Wake up
12:32 - Check my phone
12:42 - Go downstairs and pour myself a bowl of Cap'n Crunch
12:43 - Sit on the couch, open the paper and watch a documentary on Christian Hosoi with Dad
2:30 - Go upstairs and decide i should get a start on my day. Instead, i listen to Bing Crosby's Mele Kalikimaka 8 times in a row, download some Elvis Christmas songs, talk to Trae & Shana and procrastinate
3:15 - Change out of my pjs & ask Dad to pull my car out of the driveway bc i was so unsuccessful yesterday. Can't wait to bring little Leo Hamburger to the shop tomorrow!
3:27 - Try & go to CVS but the parking lot's too full
3:35 - Get to Staples
3:55 - Arrive home & finish all my gift wrapping
4:42 - Go downstairs and watch 4 hours of documentaries on different photographers. I think the piece on Timothy Greenfield-Sanders was my fave
6:00 - Decide I want to go to the Islander game
6:15 - Pout bc no one will go. It's fine - they lost anyway
7:54 - Feel inspired and go take these pictures





10:00 - Flip between The Office, Cash Cab & Vh1's 100 greatest songs of the 90's while hanging with Mom & Shannon
12:00 - Come upstairs to charge my laptop, edit pics & pop in Christmas Vacation
1:16 AM - Post blog

Merry Christmas Eve!

For The Love Of God, Will Someone PLEASE Bring Me Some Cold Medicine?

About Me:

• i feel less stuffy w/tissues in my nose
• i'm more likely to accidentally step in puddles when i'm wearing my sneakers
• i do not make my bed and enjoy sheets meant for an 8 year old
  
• i sometimes pick my clothes out the night before
  

Not included in pictures:

• i will ruin my manicure within an hour of getting it
• i stay up way past my bedtime & when i finally turn off the lights can't fall asleep
• i bruise like a piece of fruit
  
• i'm thirsty
  

Dear ConEd, It's late & I want to go to bed, you should too

So, please pack up your shit from outside my window and leave so i can catch some ZzZzZ's.
Thanks!
Forever your girl,
Ashley Cook

Ugh! i have the sickness. oh wa ah ah ah. I am not enjoying it. This is the second year in a row i'll be sick on the last day of work. If this messes up my plans to hang w/Big Tuna or go paintballing, i will be p.o'd to the nth degree.

this is all you're getting tonight.
on the left: a picture i took in 1992 with some fancy shmancy party film i'm guessing i got on christmas morning. Pictured from L - R are Uncle Stew, Mom, Shannon, Nana & Robert.
Was this the year i got magic nursery babies (I wanted twins so baddd)? Or twas it the year i got Baby Alive?

on the right: a picture i took in 2008. no cool film has been received as of yet.

in both: the same curtains.

I Don't Want A Lot For Christmas, I Won't Even Wish For Snow

Today around 3:30 the whole entire office took a field trip to Washington Square Park. FOB was set to do a mini guerrilla style performance. More & more kids started to show up & the air began to get thick with anticipation. While we waited for FOB, miss erica dagley & madam perry helped me figure out why dudes shirts have buttons on the wrong side. It's something that has perplexed me for years. Now I know the answer. Anyway, the fall out kids finally showed, but unfortunately, plans were cut short thanks to the fine men in blue who keep this city safe from rogue performers.
As we headed back to the office, I got to be the keeper of the megaphone that we had purchased for today's event. Because it wasn't used in the park, we decided to pop its cherry & bother as many people as we could on our return trip to the factory.

Ant started screaming "its not that warm out" to people with out jackets and I let people know where they could find christmas trees. I felt giddy & drunk with power. That's when Lullo, who was walking ahead of us & carrying a guitar, smacked a beagle in its poor little face. Cue me laughing so hard I almost pee me pants (similar to the situation last night when I got body checked in a cross walk, after a lil kid screamed "OOOOPS! I farted!"). I have poor bladder control. In fact, I've actually been banned from Denny's in Oneonta bc of an "incident". Reason #27 why I don't have a boyfriend.

But back to the megaphone. I will become super annoying & overuse said megaphone if it stays in my possession. Pleasedon'ttakeitaway.

When I returned to my desk, I found a glorious ziplock bag filled with delicious Hugs. Sean R. (Is that your middle initial?) Gould did the sweetest thing ever. You see, last week him & I had a long conversation about Hugs Vs. Kisses, (Hershey Style) and I told him that I preferred the Hugs (ain't that the truth). This lead to a whole other conversation about how white chocolate isn't really chocolate at all. I still don't know whether to believe this or not. Regardless, Hugs are scrumptious & that was one of the nicest things anybody has ever done for me!

This is what i did when i got home tonight. We put on some Christmas tunes and started decorating the tree. I feel i've captured my father pretty well here: concentrating super hard & placing tinsel, strand by strand, on select branches. Another one of my favorite ornaments: I got this in Disney World, on the first vacation i ever took with out my family. I will never forget the plane ride home when we got in trouble for being too loud & i was pissed i missed the episode of The O.C where Luke's dad came out of the closet. This was way before JetBlue let you watch tv, DVRs & some fancy shmancy machine called TiVo were invented, and it'd been too long for people to remember how to tape directly to VHS. I've still yet to see this episode and, not gonna lie, i'm still a bit upset.

Is that a polar bear directing traffic down there?

How many entires have i started off complaining about my stomach? I am a glutton for punishment. Oh, whoa is me. Tonight we went for a lovely Wormer dinner (sans Rocks, enter sad face here) at The Heartland Brewery. I caved when i saw how delicious things looked on the menu. Burgers! Buffalo Chicken Spring Rolls stuffed with Blue Cheese! Beer! Ice Cream! I didn't care the pain it would cause me later, i wanted it alllllll. Fast forward 5 hours and I want to barf over every single Christmas decoration that's in my house. Self Control Fail.

Other than the gurgling in my tum tum, Wormer dinner was absolutely, posatootly, lovely. We walked up to 30 Rock to see the Tree, the windows at Lord & Taylor & Saks and the snowflake light show.
Once we were done pushing our way through the masses, we crossed the street and went over to St. Patrick's Cathedral and lit some candles.
I came home and watched a couple hours of fine programing on TLC, with Mom. I got to see that great documentary on Shiloh Pepin, the mermaid girl, again. I want to take little Shiloh under my wing and play older sister to her. My favorite quote of hers and new words to live by are "I can be anything i want when i grow up. I can be an actress, I can be a princess....I can be anything, there's just so much to choose from." You are so right, Shiloh. So right.

Also this weekend, we headed back to the Crazy Donkey for the first time since 2006, on Friday. When coworkers asked me what my plans were for the evening, and i told them where i was going, they'd ask "Who's playing?" To which i replied "oh no no...we're going for a friends sister's 21st bday." That's when I started seeing a lot of confusion on the faces of mis compadres. If you are unaware, as soon as we all turned 21, the girls & i would go to the Donkey on a weekly basis. Never ever will i forget the time we showed up on Harley Davidson night. We were the only ones not dressed in black leather, but figured since we were out, we'd try to make the best of it. Ali took it to the next level after we met a couple of dudes (one of which told me probably the most inappropriate joke i have ever been told in my entire life, beginning with the question "How much skin does it take to cover your vagina?") and made out with a fine young man, sporting a Jack Daniels mesh hat, named Mickey. EHHLLLLLL. You can only imagine what goes through my head whenever Toni Basil's one hit begins to play anywhere. I think that was probably the night we realized we could no longer hang out there and hung up our disco shoes. Friday turned out to be a blasty blast though, and i have every intention to return somewhat soon.

Dad & I Put up the Christmas lights up on Saturday. This is my favorite holiday tradition bc it's the one activity me & dad do together, aside from watching the Sci-Fi Channel. I love it, even if he tells me over and over again, every year, "Only 3 strands per extension cord." You'd think he'd know that i got it by now. I decided to rebel and plugged 4 sets of lights together somewhere along the way. =0/ Here's hoping the house doesn't explode.

ok that's it, but i leave you with this...What the F happened to Judy from The Santa Clause? Does anyone know? If i was Michael K and this was dlisted.com, Judy would be named Hot Slut Of The Week. I always wanted to try her hot chocolate. That mug that she served it in looked so fancy & shit.

The rain outside my window sounds like a kindergarten dance recital

I'm getting better at regular postings again, eh? don't jinx it.

First off, we need to talk about this. Why don't i have a poodle masquerading as a teenage mutant ninja turtle??? Being able to groom a poodle in to a chicken is probably the only reason why i would get a poodle. Never been a big fan of the breed - especially since i saw Look Who's Talking Now...shit creeped a bitch out!
Speaking of being creeped out...
1. the curious case of benjamin button - ehhllll
and
2. what's with this Gamestop commercial where a mom is wrapping up a zombie? If you were unaware, zombies are my biggest fear in life. I've had reoccurring nightmares about them since i was 17. Homegirl needs a warning before they pop up on my tv! most importantly late at night!

Today i was minding my own business, just sitting at my desk, eating my pita chips when Doug asked "What are you eating?"
"Some delicious Pita Chips, Doug" I replied
"Oh. How many do you have left?" he asked
That's when, being the nice friend and coworker i am, i handed my bag over to Doug so he could have some chips.
He handed the bag back to me & i looked inside to see how many he had taken. Well, Doug didn't take any Pita Chips....he just SMUSHED THEM ALL till that was left were crumbs and said "now you won't chew as loud" and i had to throw the rest of the bag out.
Now, i'm sorry, but Pita Chips are CRUNCHY. Pita Chips are HARD. There is no way to chew them quietly. All i'm sayin is, Doug - you better sleep with one eye open from now on. You don't mess with a chubby kids chips.

Here are your pics. A couple old ones again. First is of Timberly from the Gym Class show back in October? And the second is the view from our window at work. Take them in & enjoy them like the smell of freshly baked cupcakes.

PS - can someone please buy me english lessons? Maybe "Writing For Dummies"? I feel like it'll help everyone out in the long run.

Detox Just To Retox

i was looking through old pictures to post bc i haven't taken any in a couple weeks. Well, that's a lie, i've taken a few band shots but i'm not in the mood to post them now. The first pic was taken in my garden last May.
Fact: i enjoy shooting inanimate objects 100% more than portraits. I think it's bc you never have to worry about a flower looking unattractive. Mother Nature would never let that happen. Sometimes taking portraits can get super awkward. Being up in someones face, invading their personal space can get le strange, so I try and make my subjects laugh. Today when i was photographing Dan in my office, i tried to relax him by telling him the "What's the difference between Jelly and Jam?" joke. (answer - i can't jelly my dick in your mouth. Thanks for that one Leah) He did not laugh and this was when i realized "maybe that was super inappropriate and should only be told at bars". Perhaps I'll have to take out a new joke book for my next session.

Then i found this picture. It was taken the night we graduated college and makes me smile like a dope to this day. I don't remember much from graduation weekend - success? I remember the boys finding my bra and making the aim face, taking sweaty mexican shots, trying to balance a bottle of vodka on our noses, mimosa's, a certain 2 people making out on an E golf gaming machine at the OST and someone not making it to the bar at all. I remember running into Moody at dinner and you calling his girlfriend the night before, singing her a kelly clarkson song and then telling her not to call his phone again that night. And I remember running in to the kitchen to take this picture, how long it took us to get ready that morning and trying to get our hair just right under those stupid stupid caps. I remember the blisters that my red heels left on my feet and repeating "please don't fall. please don't fall. please don't fall." over and over again on the way to get my diploma. But more importantly i will always remember how much each one of you meant to me then (and now). I don't care if you told me i was "like an orange missing a slice", puked on our apartment floor and ruined the shopvac bc you lost your tolerance, or how many times you tried to kill my beloved Mutsy, a day doesn't go by where i don't miss spending morning, noon & night with you guys.