sorry i'm late, i was out spoiling my liver.

well that title up there i guess sums it all up.
the past couple weeks have been epic. and by epic, i mean "full of beer". and really happy things.

A couple Thursdays ago, TTN (shana) & I went to go see FYS @ The Donkey. I hadn't seen the dudes since we said adios @ Warped, so it was super fun to get to see them. Dan finally let me braid his beard & i gave Josh a haircut. so fancy. After hours of trying to find cheese fries on Long Island, we finally gave up and settled for Taco Bell. I had that new volcano taco - yikes, bad choice ashleycook. you know better.

The next night TTN & I picked up Party Bucket (jamie), stopped at 7/11 to get all the food we'd need for the next 2 days, and drove out to the hamptons. it felt so so so good to be back in the house. We had been locked out since March thanks to the squatters that ruined my summer, but it was like nothing had changed. We went right up to "our room", put our stuff on our respective beds and went back down to the kitchen & cracked open some cold ones. After talking and drinking for a while we decided to try and watch the Strangers With Candy movie. (i'm not sure if i've ever professed my love for Amy Sedaris or that the best compliment i have ever received was when Big Tuna said i was like "an unexaggerated version" of her, but yea i think she's amazing.) Anywho, we fell asleep shortly there after... BTW - opened my OHB that i got at Bluepoint...that shit was gross! i had to hold my nose to try & drink it. not what i call fun.
The next morning we woke up - Im Upppppp - when i heard the gravel crunch under my parents car and Jamie scream "OMG I LEFT MY SEX LIST DOWNSTAIRS AND YOUR FATHERS NAME IS ON IT". As soon as my parents walked in the door, my dad was all "i'm bored. i'd rather watch tv from my chair at home, lets go back hun". So after an hour drive in the pouring rain, they put the dog back in the car and left again. This seemed like a perfect opportunity for a nap, so Jamie went to go get a mani/pedi and Shana & I took a 4 hour nap on the couch. I woke up around 5 and wondered how i could have fallen asleep for that long, went to the fridge & started drinking. Jamie got back and we decided to play a rousing game of Scrabble on the deck. I think i won?
After ordering some Chinese food and watching "What Happens In Vegas" (cute but predictable), we decided we should go out. Cut to the part where we got dropped off outside a bar that had just 5 people in it, we decided to walk down to the most lit/populated watering hole. Just so happens, The Patio, is also what i think may be a 40 & over swingers bar. The 3 of us were just sittin in our booth, mindin our business, watchin Lost on tv, enjoyin some Pinot & Lobster ale, when all of a sudden, all these old people started making out! it was the oddest thing, i tell ya. Last call comes, we call a cab and go to the bank to wait for it. 45 minutes and lots of cartwheels later, the cab has still not arrived. This is when the bartender from The Patio drives by and is like "you guys are still here? C'mmon, let me drive you home". This seems like our only option, so instead of standing outside in the fog, we agree. I mean, he's driving a Ford mini van & we're in the hamptons, it's safe, right? As we get in he goes "don't mind my sons soccer equipment". Oy vey. Of course it's safe. Our ride is going smoothly, i don't mind the cigar smoke at all, but then i look over, and homeboy's drinking a Corona while driving us home! i text jamie from the front seat "he's drinking & driving". she writes me back "we will be fine". WTF Party Bucket. We finally get home and attack the left overs/hop into the master bed and start pranking people. I'm going to have to say Rob Quinn was the most fun to annoy.

The rest of that following week was kinda b-a-n-a-n-a-s. my most favoritest peoples got to stay in NY for a couple days, so it was filled with fun dinners, lots of shots @ Barcelona Bar, an appearance at Trainwreck, board games and the magic that is Cypress Hill.
This past weekend, for the first time since St. Patties day, The Wormers (complete in color coordinating outfits) were reunited. It's kind of crazy to think back to that time the 5 of us were together every weekend, and how it took 7 months to get us all in the same place at the same time - 2 days in a row. it felt really nice. i hope it doesn't take another 7 months for that to happen again. forserious.
this weekend should be equally as nuts. Friday night me, vipes & co. will be heading to the Devils/Islanders game @ The Prudential Center. I think i may be the only one wearing an Islanders jersey and will probs get slashed. Then Saturday the Cobroh's will be in NY, which should be tons o fun.

until next time america...

there's more alcohol at my house then a liquor store

this weekend may have been one of the best ones i've had in a long time.

when i got off the train Friday night i heard all the little kids screaming - the carnival's in town. it's so weird...i went to that carnival every year growing up and i have so many memories from it...like the time i went with michelle in 6th grade, right after we ate dinner, and she puked up spaghetti and clam sauce after we rode the Zipper. or that time when i wore liquid eyeliner for the first time and met up with that dude and found out he was back with his ex girlfriend. or all the nights we'd go to get zeppoli's and i was amazed by the lights....
anyway, there was madddd drama between all the 15 year olds. it's odd to see all these kids not really being kids and enjoying what carnivals are all about. instead it was like some twisted version of Lord of the Flies where the kids were just smoking, and kissing and fighting. i don't remember the carnival being like that when i was little. then again, i was naive and had only beanie babies as friends for most of my adolescence. at any rate, it put me in a good mood. i went home cracked open a 40 with Jamie, watched a little of Knocked Up and then headed out for a night of debauchery on Bell. When we got home at 4 am, we watched Knocked Up again. Saturday morning i woke up next to Jamie, looked on the floor and said "You son of a bitch. you had white castle last night?!". She then recapped some of the missing pieces of the night before and told me that she had offered me White Castle, but i had refused. Shana came over and hopped into bed with us, where we, you guessed it, watched Knocked Up yet again and laughed over and over again.
that was pretty much it. we were going to go out last night but jamie thought she had pink eye (it was only an allergic reaction to my cat - not from anyone farting on her pillows) and we went our separate ways. so i caught James Franco on SNL - he's so hot right now - and watched Across The Universe till i fell asleep.

and i leave you with an IM my friend Rocks just sent me:
"did I ever tell u about that time.....my friend _____'s mom walked out of the bathroom and she smelt really good...so I was like ____, what kinda perfume did u just use, I want it.....so she laughed and said summers eve...and showed be the bottle of vag spray hahahahahaaa"

Sam I Am

the wonderful mr. sam hollander needed some pics taken for an upcoming spread in Juggs magazine (jk) and i got to take the pics.

in return, he bought us a lovely lunch at Shake Shack. i had a caramel milk shake, which i can safely assume tastes like God's armpit sweat - delicious. the quote of the day came from danielle
when she said that shake shack was "the best thing i have ever put in my body". that's what she said.

i don't want to be an old man anymore

Ok so after a case of the sads/really bad PMS i had an epiphany while listening to "The Good Life" by Weezer last Saturday - how indie of me. i decided i had to leave my pity party (no matter how much cake was served) and couldn't lock myself in my room and stay in bed all day on the weekends anymore.

I had a lot of shit going on, got too focused on things i no longer had, how so many things changed in such a short period of time (i do not deal with change well - so sue a bitch) and was thinking about all the stuff i missed really bad, like:

• the summer of 07 and how things used to be
  
• my friends that have moved away and haven't seen in a long time
• the hamptons
• prank phone calls

and i realized that it's ok to miss things, but you can't dwell, because then you'll get caught by this undercurrent of shit, and you'll start to drown. Luckily i'm a strong swimmer. So i started listening to a lot of Jimmy Eat World and thinking about all the great things/memories that happened this summer that made me happy, like:

• aruba, texas, and tour
• new friends and being with people who put a smile on my face
  
• really good old friends that will show up at my house on the day of a hurricane with mudslide mix and movies and stay in bed with me all day to cheer me up
• the Twilight bookclub and the Mothers Day youtube video haha
  

and what i have to look forward to in the fall, like:

• Boston next weekend
  
• hoodie weather
• all my friends that will be swinging through NY soon
  
• adventures
• a new season of Ghost Whisperer
  

I guess what i'm trying to say is, i'm much better and thank you for being patient with me.

Speaking of patients...i went and got my eyes examined today. looks like i'll be wearing bitchin driving glasses from now on. sweeeeeeeet. i got my pupils dilated. it may have been one of the weirdest/scariest things ever and looked like Puss In Boots from Shrek. Not being able to read anything on my blackberry was frightening!

ok i think that's all i got for you. here are pics from the south street seaport a couple weeks ago.

i'll miss you forever + a day

i never ever wanted this blog to be sad, but today really sucks.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
Remember I'll always be true

Thanks for friends like this:

d: i almost want to just say fuck it and go out and get hammered tonight with you

d: i know. we would both be wrecks

d: me cause i havent eaten all day

d: you because... well you aspire to be tucker max

Dear Santa

Please bring me one of these

edit...i will accept any one of the following of these:
i'd like it filled like a stocking full of Hoegaarden.

Sping Break OH TEN!!!

So let me tell you about my weekend...well, Sunday really. I know, I know, it's almost Wednesday...eek! this week is flyin!

After waking up on Sunday and leaving Jamie a super sweet voicemail that went something like "Jamie, wake the fuck up, it's 10:30, i'm bored as shit and need to get out of the house. beach! beach! beach! call me back slut", and her finally calling me back, we decided it was far too cloudy the beach. "What do you want to do then?" I asked as i checked newsday.com....Seafood festival? no. Train tradeshow? nah. Horse drawn carriage exhibit? hale no. This is when Jamie was all "wanna go to the Hamptons?" to which i replied "duh! gotta go to att (for my phone which is totally messed up) & get gas, be at your house in 1/2 hour". On the way there we had to decide which part of the Hamptons we'd go to. We go to west hampton all the time & thought if we went, there was for a real chance we'd wind up at boardy barn, drunk and asleep in my car. So in order to resist temptation & do a lil shopping, we went to Southampton.

As we were getting into town we passed the Lobster Inn. It looked so cute and we were hungry & put me in the mood for lobster. Jamie suggested we go a lil but farther in to town to see if there were anymore lobstah places. Long story short, there wasn't & on the way back to the lobster inn, some douche in a Bentley that followed me for a couple o lights, honked his horn if i didn't step on the gas as soon as the light turned green. Being an expert in road games, at the 4th light i didn't move, screamed, gave him the finger & proceeded to drive 5 miles per hour until he learned his lesson.
We were sat on the lovely screened in porch at the back of the restaurant that over looked this river? is it a river? i think it was too big to be a creek, and there were lobster traps in the water...perhaps it was an inlet? Either way, it was beautiful & so nice to look at and a relaxing atmosphere to crack open a lobster & eat some bisque. That was until the kids showed up....these bratty little kids started running around the joint screaming at the top of their lungs. I started to block it out until it became blood curdling, when all of a sudden an old man that was seated diagonally across from us SCREAMS "QUIETTTTTTTTTTT! SOMEBODY SHUT THOSE KIDS UP". This threw everyone off guard. The mother of the kids was all "sir, i'm trying to control them". Gramps was like "yada yada yada" when all of a sudden another dude comes in , takes the bill that he's got in his hand that's in one of those bill holder things, and smacks the old man in the back of the head. This guy starts screaming "HEY! THOSE ARE MY KIDS! DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO THEM THAT WAY AGAIN! ILL THROW ALL OF YOU IN THE WATER RIGHT NOW! IM NOT SCARED!". Well, Gramps is just sitting there flabbergasted not knowing how to react, so his friend Uncle Milty, takes his 3 pronged cane & starts shoving at the dad when a waiter finally came in & broke it up. IT WAS INSANE. Never in my life have i seen such events take place. And that was basically it...everyone eventually calmed down, we finished our meal & walked around town - where i'm pretty sure i saw Paris' mom - mrs. kathy hilton.
I got home after a 2 hour drive and my Mini-Me was here.
after months and months of PLEADING "say Aunt Ashley, say Aunt Ash, pleasssse" and hearing her attempt to say the dogs names, i finally bribed her with some icecubes and she said "ashhhhh". It was pretty much one of the best feelings ever. To see my little niece go from this squishy bald thing that cried all the time to a lil person that runs around my house looking for "woof woof" and "baby woof woof" and calling out "choochoo pop" and saying "i love you nana" is pretty incredible...

i promise no other entry will ever have this much talk about kids. ever.again.