It's always sunny in philadelphia

I ventured in to a little store in Philly when I was there last month and fell in love with all the stuff on the wall. There were tons of super cool dia de la muerte chachki's everywhere. I wanted to scoop them all up, but i'm poor, so the only thing that made it out of the store with me was this photo.


This would be last years decorated xmas tree...2008's will be 7 times better. I like our tree bc it's eclectic. There are tons of ornaments from all different times & places hanging from it, like a 7-8 foot tall scrapbook. My favorite piece to stick on the tree is this big ball from 1985 which has all the Muppets on it, that i've claimed as my own. Up until a few years ago, whenever we did the tree, Shannon would complain that there were no "baby's first christmas" ornaments for her and that she needed therapy bc everyone loved me more than her because i was the first born and had 6. So back in 2005, I decided I had had it up to here with all her whining and put "Operation Baby's First Christmas" in to action. This entailed emailing everyone in my family and having them buy and send her an ornament to open on Christmas morning. The look on her face was priceless when she figured out what was going on (especially when she opened mine - i bought her a little black baby boy sleeping in a swan ornament) and it made decorating the tree in 06 a much more pleasant experience.

edit: here's the Muppet ball & Shannon & her favorite ornament.

Table For Glasses

oh hello. long time no speak. sorry?

Hope you all had a mah-velous thanksgiving. mine was surprisingly a-ok. I was actually kind of dreading this turkey day. You see, with the exception of Christmas, my family really hasn't celebrated a holiday since my Nana died on new years eve in 2002 - which is actually one of my favorite stories to tell because it makes people feel super weird, and that is why I'll recount it for you right now.
It was my senior year of high school, she was 91 and had been battling a cold when my grandmothers health started to fritz out like a poodle with out it's Prozac. New Years Eve day I had been running around getting stuff together bc i'd be having a small get together later that night. I remember walking into the house after picking up some balloons when i saw that Nana wasn't lookin so good. Picture Britney Spears after the whole umbrella incident but old and not bald, and probably paler.
"I'm going to cancel this shindig" i said.
"No, No, No! I"ll be fine" said my grandmother as she sipped on some Brandy.
So, i did what any 17 year old would do - respected her wishes & threw a party (not a huge one - just a couple close friends). The night went on according to plan for the most part. The ball dropped. We popped confetti poppers & sang Ole Langs Syne...and then Nana died. With all my friends in the house. Talk about an awkward situation. I had to go back into the living room and be like "uhh guys....i'm really sorry to cut the night short....but uhhh...my grandmother just died....so you guys are gonna have to go". I swear to God I'm not some cold hearted bitch. I miss Nana a lot, i've just had a long time to think about the perplexity of it all and quirky humor is how i deal with things. so there.

Anyway one or both of my parents have worked pretty much every year since then, so on holidays good friends took me in like little orphan Annie or i'd make some mac & cheese and watch tv like Kevin in Home Alone (which i'm perfectly happy to do bc i don't even particularly care for turkey). This year Mom & Dad had the day off so we were invited to Aunt Carolyn's. This made me happy & sad. Happy bc i'd get to be in the Hamptons house. Sad, because, well, i'm not the closest with that side of the family. I usually sit at a table and try to avoid all the little kids questions (i.e - "why do you have stamps on your feet?!"/"why don't you have a boyfriend?"/"why am i so much cooler than you??") until my brother shows up or something happens to distract them. However, when we got there, we found out that my aunt's best friend's entire family would be attending dinner, not mine. "Hmm, this could be interesting" I thought to myself. And man was I right. I spent most of the day talking to the Linda's grandson about music, photography and his future at Oneonta and two younger girls about Twilight. BEST THANKSGIVING EVER. By 5:00 my mom had gotten sloshed and from about 5:30 till we pulled in to the driveway at home around 7:45, she asked "Where did Janice & Ron go" every 20 minutes. Nice.

i got home & headed back out to see 2 of my favorite Danny's later in the evening, which made things even better. if you've learned anything about me from this blog, you should know that i love my friends. I especially love getting to see ones that i haven't in a while (ESPECIALLY WHEN VAL COMES TO QUEENS), which is why the rest of this week was pretty awesome too. Wednesday night, after causing quite a stir between all the scalpers at MSG, one of them asking for my number & locking myself in the bank, I got to hang with Dustin & Matt @ the Penguin game. I don't think I've seen my bff Dustin Baker since my birthday, so a Cook/Baker reunion put a huge smile on my face. So did going to Tracks after the game. My hangover the next morning did not. How i woke up with branches in my hair & something stuck in my eye, i'll never know.... Thursday night i went to Rob Hitt's surprise birthday party. i SWORE i wouldn't drink again, but i have a really hard time turning down margaritas. Oops! I came home and was this close to having my mom take my to the ER bc my eye was all jacked up & swollen. I braved it though, and thankfully i woke up yesterday morning with my vision restored. HALLELUJAH! thank you little baby jesus.

Oh! also got the blackberry bold bc my poor little curve stopped scrolling down. I like it. It's super bright & now i can watch the Mother's Day & Cunningham Muffins videos whenever i want

We got the Cook Christmas tree today. After seeing only 3 trees, we found this years. I believe it's the quickest we've ever found one. This bitch is excited as hale to decorate it.

Here are some pics that have absolutely nothing to do w/anything. The plumber was here a couple weeks ago & took everything out of my closet. This was the first dress i put back in & really liked the way it looked.

The Summer Nights Are Dead

craziest week ever.

• monday i went to my friend Rae's bday party @ a cute lil bar on Waverly. I think i'd like to go back there and try a drink. They looked intense but bc i caught the plague, i opted not to have one and save my energy for the following night. sorry girl!
  
• tuesday was 3OH!3. I got to have many a hoegaardens before cutting a rug @ the show, which made me a very happy girl. I love the first sip of a hoegaarden. It's like kissing a boyfriend after not seeing him for a few weeks. Anyway, I don't think I've bounced (like my pants had the hick ups) at a show like that since i was 17. I wish the Boston girls could have joined our dance party.
  
• last night was TAI/WTK. Like 3OH!3, it was the first time i had seen these guys play since warped. That's where these pictures are from. I wasn't so fond of the smell of hotdogs Roseland had goin on, but it was nice to see lots of faces that had been away for so long.
  
• tonight midnight showing of Twilight. I am either going to miserable bc i'm the oldest person in the theatre and i'm cranky bc i'm tired OR miserable bc i'm "bitter" and Smyers sucks...(pun intended?)
  
• tomorrow night is the Islander/Devils game. The Devils are going down. And so is it Whit. Then he'll have to do something worse then drinking Fruit Punch & Cotton Candy. Any suggestions?
  
• saturday is ETID & The Bronx. I'm going to punch someone in the face.
  
• sunday i'm going to see the Radio City Christmas Show for the first time since I was like 12. I can't wait for them to bring that camel out on stage. That's my favorite part. That, and when the little snowmen ice skate. $10 says I cry.
  

Lots of other stuff has been happening too. Two long weeks ago, Shana & I went up to Boston to visit the lovely Laura, Aleena & Leah. So much fun. Piano Bar is insane and i finally got to see the holy grail of beerness - the Sam Adams Brewery. i bought the best gloves ever there - they have a special grip so i can still hold an ice cold beer but keep my hands all toasty & warm.

Also, Alan finally came back. He'd be gone since June so it was so so so so so nice to sit down and talk to him for a while. He made my heart smile.

As much as i'm kinda hate the cold (i feel i met my quota of harsh winters in college) i LOVE winter activities - ginger bread houses, ice skating, christmas, the whole shebang. Things i want to do this winter include, but are not limited to:

• going to the Bronx Zoo during the holiday season - i've done this before & got my face painted w/a flock of zebras running across. it was theee coolest.
  
• iceskating @ bryant park or south street seaport
• put the christmas lights up with my dad
• see the icecapades - it's going to be a good one this year
• tailgate 20 billion hockey games
• have a nice wormers afternoon

geekologie.com is probably my new favorite website.

these photographs just made my day. There's a bunch in the photoset...i'd check em out if i were you.

Whoever made this may be as smart as Stephen Hawking.
the former biochem major in me reallllllly wants this coffee table for my future home. It's the periodic table with all the elements in it.

And this may be the coolest piece of recycled art i have ever seen.
Also, alex "you can't be a grownup Ashley, just go back to being a little kid" sarti just showed me Chinese Youtube. It's freakin awesome.

Dear Diary

• Seth Rogan is lookin my.tee.foine.
• I'm stoked ashleycathulksmashes this weekend.
  
• Oyster Fest was enjoyable...probs bc I got to have Dippin Dots - Ice Cream of the Future - annd bought some sweet rings.
  
• Hookah bars in Astoria rule.

• CMJ was not all it was cracked up to be this year.
  
• Butch Walker is the new black.

• I can't wait to win the costumes of the year with the wormers, and see lots of friends next week.
• I will NOT get sick.

also, sup mixed signals?

Dear Ashleycook, when will you learn to not eat dairy?!

Never. That is the answer. You are an asshole. I don't care (sayin I don't caaaaare - Folie A Duex out 12/16) how much you really like cheese and milk. Now your punishment is to sit here and feel terrible while your stomach makes funny noises, all because you're a dumb bitch who ate lobster bisque.

Went to a lovely dinner w/Uncle Stew & Melanie tonight. We went to Keen's Chop House. It's fun bc old smoking pipes line the ceiling - from Abe Lincoln's to Chuck Norris' - for serious - a real eclectic collection. It's not so fun bc i can't eat much on the menu. Anyway, I hadn't been to dinner w/them since before i left for tour and they let me do what i do best - talk - for most of the evening, so it was super nice. Plus they pay. Tonight was no different, we talked about tour and work and life and they say things i don't really agree with, so i just nod and smile...and then Melanie asked:
"sooo are you seeing anyone? dating around?".
No. I am not.
"but why? you should be. most normal people your age are. are you a lesbian in hiding?" (please keep in mind these are people who told me to "dress appropriately" tonight...yea, bc i'm gonna wear my "that's what she said" shirt to a 5 star restaurant - i like having an excuse to wear my cute outfits dumb dumbs).
ok...this is where i get upset.
1. why is it bc i'm not seeing anyone, i'm automatically all about the carpet? (not that there's anything wrong w/that. i love lesbians. i have lesbian friends. you go girls. i like the way you're livin. congrats on getting CT to recognize.)
2. why do i have to "go to a nice meal" with a boy that i'm not interested in? That's just using someone and waisting their time. Wanna buy me a hoegaarden at the bar? That's great! Thanks dude! But if i'm not interested in you, i will walk over to my friends immediately after and try to avoid you by playing naked lady photohunt. If you can't tell, i'm not really into that or spending time with people i don't particularly care for. please see point 3.
3. I have really really great friends i like spending time with. Why can't i be happy going on "dates" with my girlfriends? Of course, i would love to have a boy that i could do fun things with. I have great date ideas. It would be even better if that boy fit in with my close group of friends and spoke our language (look at the ducks, donkey!) and got it, but if i can't, i'm not going to cry about it. whimper & whine maybe, but cry? nah.


But it also makes me wonder...how does one respond to this question? I've been asked before and i can't decide what's worse. When dudes you like ask the question - bc you really wanna scream the answer "bc you're being stupid and won't pick me"??? Or when your 7 year old cousin asks at easter dinner, in front of your entire family, and you're put on the spot and have to try to break it down & explain. in their language. in front of everyone eating their easter ham. I'm not sure....maybe i'll just tell the next person "i'm single because i'm ashleycat."

Anywayyyyy in other news...went to this with Gaby, Rocks & TTN on Sunday night. I heart Banksy. I never thought i'd get to see any of his work, so it was kind of a big deal. It was pretty sweet. Here are some pics:
Also this past weekend: saw the Islanders lose to the Devils 2 -1. Way to kick off the season kids. Really rode in on the failboat nicely.
Had an ohnoashleycattothemax night out on bell after the game, followed by White Castle belly bombs, shana falling off chairs and walking in the house as my dad was walking out for work. way to go team.

Saturday i brought sassy back with Cobra @ Nokia. It was gabe's bday and it was soooo nice to see 2 of my favorite Dans.

thats all i gots.

Poll: Have i been writing about drinking too much? The ads down at the bottom today were "how to beat your DUI charge" & "need rehab?". eek.

sorry i'm late, i was out spoiling my liver.

well that title up there i guess sums it all up.
the past couple weeks have been epic. and by epic, i mean "full of beer". and really happy things.

A couple Thursdays ago, TTN (shana) & I went to go see FYS @ The Donkey. I hadn't seen the dudes since we said adios @ Warped, so it was super fun to get to see them. Dan finally let me braid his beard & i gave Josh a haircut. so fancy. After hours of trying to find cheese fries on Long Island, we finally gave up and settled for Taco Bell. I had that new volcano taco - yikes, bad choice ashleycook. you know better.

The next night TTN & I picked up Party Bucket (jamie), stopped at 7/11 to get all the food we'd need for the next 2 days, and drove out to the hamptons. it felt so so so good to be back in the house. We had been locked out since March thanks to the squatters that ruined my summer, but it was like nothing had changed. We went right up to "our room", put our stuff on our respective beds and went back down to the kitchen & cracked open some cold ones. After talking and drinking for a while we decided to try and watch the Strangers With Candy movie. (i'm not sure if i've ever professed my love for Amy Sedaris or that the best compliment i have ever received was when Big Tuna said i was like "an unexaggerated version" of her, but yea i think she's amazing.) Anywho, we fell asleep shortly there after... BTW - opened my OHB that i got at Bluepoint...that shit was gross! i had to hold my nose to try & drink it. not what i call fun.
The next morning we woke up - Im Upppppp - when i heard the gravel crunch under my parents car and Jamie scream "OMG I LEFT MY SEX LIST DOWNSTAIRS AND YOUR FATHERS NAME IS ON IT". As soon as my parents walked in the door, my dad was all "i'm bored. i'd rather watch tv from my chair at home, lets go back hun". So after an hour drive in the pouring rain, they put the dog back in the car and left again. This seemed like a perfect opportunity for a nap, so Jamie went to go get a mani/pedi and Shana & I took a 4 hour nap on the couch. I woke up around 5 and wondered how i could have fallen asleep for that long, went to the fridge & started drinking. Jamie got back and we decided to play a rousing game of Scrabble on the deck. I think i won?
After ordering some Chinese food and watching "What Happens In Vegas" (cute but predictable), we decided we should go out. Cut to the part where we got dropped off outside a bar that had just 5 people in it, we decided to walk down to the most lit/populated watering hole. Just so happens, The Patio, is also what i think may be a 40 & over swingers bar. The 3 of us were just sittin in our booth, mindin our business, watchin Lost on tv, enjoyin some Pinot & Lobster ale, when all of a sudden, all these old people started making out! it was the oddest thing, i tell ya. Last call comes, we call a cab and go to the bank to wait for it. 45 minutes and lots of cartwheels later, the cab has still not arrived. This is when the bartender from The Patio drives by and is like "you guys are still here? C'mmon, let me drive you home". This seems like our only option, so instead of standing outside in the fog, we agree. I mean, he's driving a Ford mini van & we're in the hamptons, it's safe, right? As we get in he goes "don't mind my sons soccer equipment". Oy vey. Of course it's safe. Our ride is going smoothly, i don't mind the cigar smoke at all, but then i look over, and homeboy's drinking a Corona while driving us home! i text jamie from the front seat "he's drinking & driving". she writes me back "we will be fine". WTF Party Bucket. We finally get home and attack the left overs/hop into the master bed and start pranking people. I'm going to have to say Rob Quinn was the most fun to annoy.

The rest of that following week was kinda b-a-n-a-n-a-s. my most favoritest peoples got to stay in NY for a couple days, so it was filled with fun dinners, lots of shots @ Barcelona Bar, an appearance at Trainwreck, board games and the magic that is Cypress Hill.
This past weekend, for the first time since St. Patties day, The Wormers (complete in color coordinating outfits) were reunited. It's kind of crazy to think back to that time the 5 of us were together every weekend, and how it took 7 months to get us all in the same place at the same time - 2 days in a row. it felt really nice. i hope it doesn't take another 7 months for that to happen again. forserious.
this weekend should be equally as nuts. Friday night me, vipes & co. will be heading to the Devils/Islanders game @ The Prudential Center. I think i may be the only one wearing an Islanders jersey and will probs get slashed. Then Saturday the Cobroh's will be in NY, which should be tons o fun.

until next time america...