there's more alcohol at my house then a liquor store

this weekend may have been one of the best ones i've had in a long time.

when i got off the train Friday night i heard all the little kids screaming - the carnival's in town. it's so weird...i went to that carnival every year growing up and i have so many memories from it...like the time i went with michelle in 6th grade, right after we ate dinner, and she puked up spaghetti and clam sauce after we rode the Zipper. or that time when i wore liquid eyeliner for the first time and met up with that dude and found out he was back with his ex girlfriend. or all the nights we'd go to get zeppoli's and i was amazed by the lights....
anyway, there was madddd drama between all the 15 year olds. it's odd to see all these kids not really being kids and enjoying what carnivals are all about. instead it was like some twisted version of Lord of the Flies where the kids were just smoking, and kissing and fighting. i don't remember the carnival being like that when i was little. then again, i was naive and had only beanie babies as friends for most of my adolescence. at any rate, it put me in a good mood. i went home cracked open a 40 with Jamie, watched a little of Knocked Up and then headed out for a night of debauchery on Bell. When we got home at 4 am, we watched Knocked Up again. Saturday morning i woke up next to Jamie, looked on the floor and said "You son of a bitch. you had white castle last night?!". She then recapped some of the missing pieces of the night before and told me that she had offered me White Castle, but i had refused. Shana came over and hopped into bed with us, where we, you guessed it, watched Knocked Up yet again and laughed over and over again.
that was pretty much it. we were going to go out last night but jamie thought she had pink eye (it was only an allergic reaction to my cat - not from anyone farting on her pillows) and we went our separate ways. so i caught James Franco on SNL - he's so hot right now - and watched Across The Universe till i fell asleep.

and i leave you with an IM my friend Rocks just sent me:
"did I ever tell u about that time.....my friend _____'s mom walked out of the bathroom and she smelt really good...so I was like ____, what kinda perfume did u just use, I want it.....so she laughed and said summers eve...and showed be the bottle of vag spray hahahahahaaa"

Sam I Am

the wonderful mr. sam hollander needed some pics taken for an upcoming spread in Juggs magazine (jk) and i got to take the pics.

in return, he bought us a lovely lunch at Shake Shack. i had a caramel milk shake, which i can safely assume tastes like God's armpit sweat - delicious. the quote of the day came from danielle
when she said that shake shack was "the best thing i have ever put in my body". that's what she said.

i don't want to be an old man anymore

Ok so after a case of the sads/really bad PMS i had an epiphany while listening to "The Good Life" by Weezer last Saturday - how indie of me. i decided i had to leave my pity party (no matter how much cake was served) and couldn't lock myself in my room and stay in bed all day on the weekends anymore.

I had a lot of shit going on, got too focused on things i no longer had, how so many things changed in such a short period of time (i do not deal with change well - so sue a bitch) and was thinking about all the stuff i missed really bad, like:

• the summer of 07 and how things used to be
  
• my friends that have moved away and haven't seen in a long time
• the hamptons
• prank phone calls

and i realized that it's ok to miss things, but you can't dwell, because then you'll get caught by this undercurrent of shit, and you'll start to drown. Luckily i'm a strong swimmer. So i started listening to a lot of Jimmy Eat World and thinking about all the great things/memories that happened this summer that made me happy, like:

• aruba, texas, and tour
• new friends and being with people who put a smile on my face
  
• really good old friends that will show up at my house on the day of a hurricane with mudslide mix and movies and stay in bed with me all day to cheer me up
• the Twilight bookclub and the Mothers Day youtube video haha
  

and what i have to look forward to in the fall, like:

• Boston next weekend
  
• hoodie weather
• all my friends that will be swinging through NY soon
  
• adventures
• a new season of Ghost Whisperer
  

I guess what i'm trying to say is, i'm much better and thank you for being patient with me.

Speaking of patients...i went and got my eyes examined today. looks like i'll be wearing bitchin driving glasses from now on. sweeeeeeeet. i got my pupils dilated. it may have been one of the weirdest/scariest things ever and looked like Puss In Boots from Shrek. Not being able to read anything on my blackberry was frightening!

ok i think that's all i got for you. here are pics from the south street seaport a couple weeks ago.

i'll miss you forever + a day

i never ever wanted this blog to be sad, but today really sucks.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
Remember I'll always be true

Thanks for friends like this:

d: i almost want to just say fuck it and go out and get hammered tonight with you

d: i know. we would both be wrecks

d: me cause i havent eaten all day

d: you because... well you aspire to be tucker max

Dear Santa

Please bring me one of these

edit...i will accept any one of the following of these:
i'd like it filled like a stocking full of Hoegaarden.

Sping Break OH TEN!!!

So let me tell you about my weekend...well, Sunday really. I know, I know, it's almost Wednesday...eek! this week is flyin!

After waking up on Sunday and leaving Jamie a super sweet voicemail that went something like "Jamie, wake the fuck up, it's 10:30, i'm bored as shit and need to get out of the house. beach! beach! beach! call me back slut", and her finally calling me back, we decided it was far too cloudy the beach. "What do you want to do then?" I asked as i checked newsday.com....Seafood festival? no. Train tradeshow? nah. Horse drawn carriage exhibit? hale no. This is when Jamie was all "wanna go to the Hamptons?" to which i replied "duh! gotta go to att (for my phone which is totally messed up) & get gas, be at your house in 1/2 hour". On the way there we had to decide which part of the Hamptons we'd go to. We go to west hampton all the time & thought if we went, there was for a real chance we'd wind up at boardy barn, drunk and asleep in my car. So in order to resist temptation & do a lil shopping, we went to Southampton.

As we were getting into town we passed the Lobster Inn. It looked so cute and we were hungry & put me in the mood for lobster. Jamie suggested we go a lil but farther in to town to see if there were anymore lobstah places. Long story short, there wasn't & on the way back to the lobster inn, some douche in a Bentley that followed me for a couple o lights, honked his horn if i didn't step on the gas as soon as the light turned green. Being an expert in road games, at the 4th light i didn't move, screamed, gave him the finger & proceeded to drive 5 miles per hour until he learned his lesson.
We were sat on the lovely screened in porch at the back of the restaurant that over looked this river? is it a river? i think it was too big to be a creek, and there were lobster traps in the water...perhaps it was an inlet? Either way, it was beautiful & so nice to look at and a relaxing atmosphere to crack open a lobster & eat some bisque. That was until the kids showed up....these bratty little kids started running around the joint screaming at the top of their lungs. I started to block it out until it became blood curdling, when all of a sudden an old man that was seated diagonally across from us SCREAMS "QUIETTTTTTTTTTT! SOMEBODY SHUT THOSE KIDS UP". This threw everyone off guard. The mother of the kids was all "sir, i'm trying to control them". Gramps was like "yada yada yada" when all of a sudden another dude comes in , takes the bill that he's got in his hand that's in one of those bill holder things, and smacks the old man in the back of the head. This guy starts screaming "HEY! THOSE ARE MY KIDS! DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO THEM THAT WAY AGAIN! ILL THROW ALL OF YOU IN THE WATER RIGHT NOW! IM NOT SCARED!". Well, Gramps is just sitting there flabbergasted not knowing how to react, so his friend Uncle Milty, takes his 3 pronged cane & starts shoving at the dad when a waiter finally came in & broke it up. IT WAS INSANE. Never in my life have i seen such events take place. And that was basically it...everyone eventually calmed down, we finished our meal & walked around town - where i'm pretty sure i saw Paris' mom - mrs. kathy hilton.
I got home after a 2 hour drive and my Mini-Me was here.
after months and months of PLEADING "say Aunt Ashley, say Aunt Ash, pleasssse" and hearing her attempt to say the dogs names, i finally bribed her with some icecubes and she said "ashhhhh". It was pretty much one of the best feelings ever. To see my little niece go from this squishy bald thing that cried all the time to a lil person that runs around my house looking for "woof woof" and "baby woof woof" and calling out "choochoo pop" and saying "i love you nana" is pretty incredible...

i promise no other entry will ever have this much talk about kids. ever.again.

eh?

to my future boyfriend that will one day turn into my future husband: please show up on my doorstep, with maybe some flowers in hand, wearing these shoes when you propose to me. I promise i'll most likely say yes.

here's a list of things of the top 5 things i miss:

• the summer of 2007
• tour
• my tolerance
  
• Big Tuna
• the internet working at work.