hoodies&handholding

In My Life

2009-11-20T22:33:00.000-05:00

Up & Go

2009-10-13T00:37:00.003-04:00

This past weekend, Ali & I went to go visit Trae. It was so much fun to hang out and be the tripod again. Anyway, these are some pics from the weekend. It's a goal in life to one day have a few of my pictures up on http://www.boston.com/bigpicture
One day!

"How's camping?" "Better than suckin yo dick"

2009-09-02T00:33:00.009-04:00

And so The Wormers finally went camping, in a hurricane, and made it out alive.

Friday morning we awoke to dark skies and pouring rain. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! We debated if it was safe for us to take our trip amidst Hurricane Danny, and baleed dat, decided to weather the storm. A little rain never hurt anybody, right? Plus, if we got wet, it would kinda count as a shower and then we'd be clean! After packing up the car in our rain gear and getting stuck in a wee bit of traffic, we finally made it to North South Lake a couple hours later. We checked in, bought some fire wood, were repeatedly told "DO NOT LEAVE FOOD OUTSIDE YOUR CAR DO NOT LEAVE FOOD OUTSIDE YOUR CAR DO NOT LEAVE FOOD OUTSIDE YOUR CAR" because apparently we look like the kinda gals that like to play with bears just for the hugs, and asked some questions like "Can we still light a fire in the rain?" "Where do we pee?" "Are there are a lot of people still here? People like boys our age? That could maybe help us if we needed it?" After a few minutes, we were back in the car getting excited and driving 15 mph to camp site #68, AKA Camp Fort Rocks, AKA 5 Girls 1 Tent. Shana, Rocks & I drove in my car and Ali & Jamie took the Jeep because there was no way 5 of us plus all of our luggage would be fitting in 1 car. The 3 of us got up there earlier because I drive a little fast (hellllo too many speeding tickets), and hoped to have at least the top tarp up before they rolled in. Umm, do you know how hard it is to hang a tarp to branches?! There are no hooks on trees, and we're short. This equation does not spell "D-R-Y." Right when things started to look real grim, we heard a big truck pull down our drive. "Ali & Jamie are here! Yay! More hands to help!" I thought. But no...it wasn't them...it was better than Jesus himself...it was the Park Rangers! The Park Rangers that would help us hang our tarp using some MacGyver like maneuvers, call us "Citiots" and look annoyed when we tried to tip them. Eventually the Rescue Rangers left, Ali & Jamie showed up and it was time to pitch our tent (he he he...creep)

Once we got shit set up & dumped all our bags in our makeshift home, we decided we should eat. How does one cook in the rain? Well, that's simple. Someone holds the umbrella, someone does the cooking, and someone is in charge of shuttling the plates between the grill & the car. Our assembly line was great. Everything was fine and dandy, we were like a well oiled assembly line UNTIL JAMIE DROPPED A POOR, DEFENSELESS, DELICIOUS, VEGGIE BURGER. IN THE MUD. THE MUD! We ate in the car, which would smell like trash until it was washed yesterday, listened to the radio and all kinda started to laugh manically because of our situation. I also found out that mud adds flavor to your food. Who knew? May I just interject for a sec and add a little notation? With the exception of Jamie, I think the rest of us are pretty OK being dirty kids. We don't complain when we have dirt under our finger nails or spill food on our clothes, and so I think we handled this monsoon, exceptionally well.

After dinner, there wasn't much else to do except get in the tent. And that is exactly what we did. Except for when we had to pee, which was when my brain outweighed the options of peeing my pants or getting soaking wet again...when it comes down to it, it's really kind of the same, so I opted for option 2. Anyway, we sat around & played Apples To Apples while the sound of rain tap danced on our walls for a good couple hours, made finger puppets, talked about how hungry we were, listened to the people in the campsite next to us howl, and laughed. A lot...duh! Would we do anything else when we're together? Even though we're 25, we don't act it when we're in 1 room. We speak our own language, make prank phone calls, and when we go to the Hamptons House, even though there's like 18 other rooms with beds in them, we all stay in the one that has 5. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Saturday morning we all started stirring around 6AM and realized that none of us had really slept and we needed to go back to bed. 11AM and we were all up for a second time, eating cold s'mores and contimplating what our next move would be. As much as we wanted to stay, the forecast said the weather was going to continue to be shitty and none of us packed enough dry clothes. So we decided to break down the tent, wait for Trae to come meet us that morning, and head over to Woodstock. The rest of the day was spent walking around the hippie town, wishing I wasn't so soggy and tailgaiting in the municiple parking lot. I also scored a sweet set of fake mustaches, ballet slippers and a new sleep mask. Hurricane Danny: 0/ Ashley: 1

We headed back to the island Saturday night, but didn't let anyone know we were home & continued our weekend of fun hiding out in Jamie's house. All in all, it was definitely a great & memorable trip. I can't wait to go back in to the wild...only maybe when it's not raining. If my heart was a compass, you guys'd be north.

<3

Be Somebody

2009-09-01T18:04:00.004-04:00

Umm hello, I need this!

<3

The Bird and The Worm

2009-08-25T01:25:00.001-04:00

Man oh man... I can't believe summer will technically be over in two weeks time, and the camping trip that I've been jumping up & down AND USING ALL CAPS for, is finally happening this Friday. 5 Girls 1 Tent - It's gonna be an epic adventure. I have no clue how to operate a fire, apparently Jamie is bringing an axe and we're using twigs we find on the ground to make s'mores. In the words of Yoda, "Foreign concepts these are." My biggest fear is not bears, or fire, or injury...no. My biggest fear isn't even the amount of luggage Jamie will be trying to fit in the cars. My biggest fear is not being able to tweet.

Because I've been so busy writing about things that I want to buy off the interwebs and lovey dovey pukey stuff, I don't even think I've recapped several highlights from this summer. I think I'll do a full recap in a couple weeks, here's just a few stories in the meantime.

The Wormers took on the Hamptons for the third consecutive summer in a row a couple weeks back. Highlights include falling off a cooler, myself & most of my bathing suit being swept away at sea, serious Wormer talks, Tienna Road!!!, jumping on the bed photo shoot, the cab ride to The Drift, The Drift, the dancing at The Drift, the make outs at The Drift, Corndog & his friend who hates his girlfriend & desperately needed Tums coming over at 4 AM, finding out Cordog's real name, sitting at the end of the dock and having weird dudes be like "Oh, were we interrupting you guys?", and rating boys on the Bagel Scale. The Bagel Scale is a rating system I devised several years ago when I was working on an analogy and trying to describe that weeks crush. Basically, you rate a boy based on your favorite bagel. My most favorite bagel is a toss up between a Rye bagel from Golden Meyers and an Egg Everything (including salt), both with butter. So when I find a find a manfriend that has lots of the things I look for in a boy, he gets the Rye seal of approval. I'll also occasionally go for a Cinnamon raisin or Onion bagel...justttt putting that out there. There are also the not so great dudes that get compared to stale bagels, plain bagels, burnt bagels, or have toppings that I'm not a fan of, such as lox. Which one are you?

Let's see other things I've done recently....OH! Shana & I went to see The Time Traveler's Wife last week. Now, let me preface with this: I read the book. I read that book in 3 days, and I did not cry. Holy fucking shit. I sat down in the movie theatre and within an hour I was sobbing like a little kid on the first day of kindergarten. I haven't balled like that since Basil died....or the first time I saw The Notebook. Geez. I had to come home and go to bed because my eyes burned from all the mascara that fell in them, my head hurt from sniffling and I felt emotionally drained. Also, can we talk about how Eric Bana totally looks like Jim Adkins (Jimmy Eat World) for most of the movie? It just threw me all off.

Ok, that's enough. It's time for bed.
BTW - all those pics are from Aruba, I've been busy and just now finding time to edit some more.
<3

I Get A Thousand Hugs From Ten Thousand Lightning Bugs

2009-08-21T14:10:00.005-04:00

And my lovey dovey posts continue.
Sorry in advance... But seriously, Kurt Halsey, why and how do you create such cute little things that make my heart explode? My little thumper (That sounds dirty. Ew. Get your mind outta the gutter. I was talking about my heart. Also - going off on a tangent - Thumper was a nickname I called my Nana after she had her big toe amputed due to gout. Poor Nana.) is going "boom boom so cute boom boom love that boom boom butterflies boom boom" in that voice that's kind of half scream half whisper. I can't stand it. I need this shit in my life ASAP:

I will get down to see his upcoming exhibit this September. I will.

Art & Copy. File under: Other things I want to see.

<3

Off In The Night While You Live It Up I'm Off To Sleep

2009-08-19T15:19:00.004-04:00

OK, can we address a few things? Not only is this awesome because this is kind of like watching the dude from Police Academy play one of my favorite songs from his human mouth speaker, but homeboy is WATCHING THE OBLONGS IN THE BACKGROUND!

The Oblongs is one of my favorite cartoons ever. What's not to love about Will Ferrell voicing a no-limbed dad, a boy who has to wear a bra to support his sagging ass cheeks, and a little girl growing something that looks suspiciously like a little dick from her head? BRING THE OBLONGS BACK! PLEASEEEEEEEEEE.

Also - Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica:

<3

Good Morning Scarecrow

2009-08-14T16:26:00.003-04:00

I stole this from Erica & Perry. I think it's hilarious & great advice for any girl. LISTEN UP LADIES.

THE GUIDE TO BEING SO CHOICE aka How Sloane Peterson from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off Taught me how to be an Awesome Girlfriend.

Get along with his friends if you don’t get along with his friends you are done. seriously. That is number 1. Even if you think his friends are uptight weirdos or hypochondriac freaks, HEY, he is friends with them for a reason, so cut the shit. You’ve probably got some weird and crappy friends too…
Rein him in, but only when necessary you are his girlfriend, not his mother. If he wants to sing to the city on a giant float, let him do it. He’s a big man and he can deal with the consequences. You can nicely remind him, Look, if you do that there might be trouble, but if you throw a bitch fit and give him the silent treatmeant you will look fucking retarded when he has a new girlfriend on his arm from the impressive stunts he’s pulled.
Be funny “He’s licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands.” simple as that.
Be confident Look, one of the reasons Ferris loved her was because she was cool and classy lady, she didn’t stress. She uttered the words and believed “He’s gonna marry me.” She probably knows if her boyfriend was running through a backyard and saw 2 girls tanning he probably would stop and say hello, but she also knows that he would spend hours of stress and risk his neck to get her out of school to just see her. Relax. You have him. He’s not going anywhere, and if he talks to other girls who the fuck cares YOU are the one he wants to marry.
Say Eloquent Shit did Sloane ever use the word “like” as much as you do in your daily conversation? No. Drop the habit that makes you seem like a dumb valley girl and trade it for stellar vocab terms like “warmth & compassion” and “devastatingly handsome.” Once you’ve mastered talking like an adult, you’ll be able to spew pearls of poetry like “The city looks so peaceful from up here…”
Pack lightly ever notice how tiny Sloane’s purse was? The bigger the purse, the lamer the girl. Its called baggage for a reason.
Be able to keep up with the boys Hey, if you’ve got cramps, take a fucking midol and strap in. You don’t ever wanna be the girlfriend who is a drag and never wants to go out. A girl who can say she cruised with the top down in a convertible, swung by the Stock Exchange, and took in a Cubs game all in one day, is sorta girl who you wanna keep around.
Look badass in a jacket with fringe The End.

Blink Out at The Disco

2009-08-13T11:53:00.003-04:00

Monday night was fun.

and Tuesday night Rocks came over for an amazing photo shoot, with me on the other end of the lens. She's amazing:

That is all.

<3

There's A She Wolf In The Closet

2009-08-11T18:33:00.001-04:00

Yep, just quoted Shakira there. I think I've quoted much more awful things in the past, so really let's move on, shall we? Want this ring. I think it looks more like a kangaroo and so very cute! Who has an extra 75 bucks laying around for me?

Speaking of cute, have I mentioned I saw 500 Days Of Summer? I haven't seen a "love story" like this in a long time. Really well done. Without giving anything away, I think my favorite part was when they do a split screen between reality & expectations. It's so real. Everyone has those moments. Here's a little music video they put out to go along w/the movie, that for some reason reminds me of the opening credits of Blossom. Anyone else?

Blossom for comparison:

OH! And, I want a dwarf mini horse. Thanks to Perry for finding him.
<3

I Stop To Think At A Wishing Well

2009-08-10T14:21:00.009-04:00

Last night I got to see Blink for the first time in 5 years. FIVE YEARS!!! Do you know what has happened to my life in the 1,826 days with out Blink? I have received a college diploma, had at least 35 different hairstyles, got a pretty sweet job, invested in 2 cars (one of which was basically a wind up toy), brought a cute little kitten in to my life, met new friends, gone to new places, and fell in love with new favorite bands...but you never forget the first one that changed everything. It's good to have them back. Please excuse my crappy blackberry pics.

I just want to be someone's Josie.

Speaking of music. Train has a new single out. "Hey Soul Sister" is so sweet. It reminds me of laundry on a clothesline in a field being swung in the wind. You should probably listen to it.

Also, thinking of investing in this.

<3

I Will Play My Game Beneath The Spin Light

2009-07-30T17:10:00.001-04:00

This is a friend of mine named Eric, that I miss very much. We hung out a lot when we were in Aruba and he's one of the sweetest, cutests, smartest little dudes I know. He can speak 5 languages and he's 3...kinda makes me feel like a chump. It makes me terribly sad I get to see him & the rest of his family only once a year.

Speaking of cute things, does this not look like the cutest movie ever or what? I don't really remember the book, or it fitting in to Mr. Anderson's color scheme so well, but I'm way into this.

Light A Roman Candle With Me.

2009-07-29T18:30:00.005-04:00

Ugh, I just sneezed all over my bewbs. That was gross.

Anyway, I've been eying this shirt over on fredflare for a couple weeks now. I think it's just so cute & simple and reminds me of how I express my feelings. Maybe I'll get it and wear it on my 10K bike ride for seeing eye dogs.

Also, the only thing I've listened to since Sunday night is "Aim & Ignite" by fun. (Sorry for that illegal download! Dear RIAA, Please don't get me!) "The Gambler" is one of the prettiest songs I've heard in the past couple months/years/whathaveyou.

I'm writing about lovey dovey stuff way too much lately. Ew.

<3

I'm looking for my otter half

2009-07-28T13:31:00.003-04:00

I just saw this on Josh's blog. I second the "aw" and add a "want!"

<3

Say Goodnight and Go

2009-07-21T00:50:00.009-04:00

I'm not really quite sure why, but I've been referencing Big Fish a lot lately. So, after not watching it for 6 years, my good friend & mentor, Alan, was nice enough to lend me his copy. My favorite scene has always been the one where Ewan McGregor ends up in Spectre and those lights are strung across the grass. It's kind of like perfection of imagination come to life. When I'm no longer singing "Single Ladies," and I'm planning my wedding, I'd love for the reception to look like this.

Stupid picture of me because I was in the mood to post it. Blah blah blah moving on.

I had so much fun hanging out w/Trae on Friday night. Before we went out, I made a huge Shrimp & Grits dinner for everyone and exchanged "Remember that one time in Oneonta..." stories. Highlights of select convos went something like "Um, yes you made out with him, too" "No one tells Ali anything till days after it happens" "hahaha yea, and she hid him in her bedroom" "I know you...you're that kid with the backpack" "I miss the NCP parties." I really wish we could find that quote book....Once we were unleashed on Bell, it was just like old times: drinking, dancing, making friends with strangers, & opening the doors and taking pictures of guys inside the men's room. Surprise! Here are some pics of me & Trae for comparison. Look how much we've grown up. The top is from Junior year of college, I think that was a night we shot gunned beers, ate matzoh and pretended to celebrate passover. Who misses Blashley and those bangs?

Speaking of growing up, I did something I consider terribly frightening and very adultish.... On Sunday night, I went to the movies all by myself. This is a huge thing for me. I'm usually scared of the stares one receives for doing things alone, but apparently as I get older, I'm getting over that fear. Horray for me! Maybe one day zombies won't scare me as much either, but for now those pains in the ass will continue to haunt and ruin my Jason Segel dreams. sigh.

Six Flags tomorrow!

<3

Oh, Won't You Shine? Shine On?

2009-07-16T00:20:00.004-04:00

Basically, I have a cute kiddles and a messy room.

I'm going to need to clean before Trae gets here on Friday...

This is really awesome.

<3

I Love College

2009-07-13T22:40:00.003-04:00

I'm currently watching an episode of "Undeclared". If I've said it once, I'll say it again: I really want to be part of the Apatow Gang. Adam Sandler was a guest star in this one...I can't wait till "Funny People" comes out. I think it might be a good one. It also makes me desperately miss Oneonta. Well, some aspects of it...living in the dorms - feet away from most of my best friends, and our cute little apartments, meeting up with everyone for lunch between classes, playing Snood, the bars, taking naps, spring days, walking across campus, house parties, stealing things. I even kinda miss my classes and the supremely uncomfortable furniture in the library. Not the food though...the food was gross.

These pictures have absolutely nothing to do with anything. Just some shoulders and pudgy toes.

<3

Why You So Obsessed With Me?

2009-07-06T23:32:00.001-04:00

Sometimes things get stuck in the front of my brain.
Here are some of those things.

Mistral Soap in Lychee Rose $8 - I'm not a big fan of showering, but since I've got this soap, I've wanted to shower at least twice a day, just so I can sniff myself.
Capri Blue Candles by Aspen in "Volcano" $28 - Maybe it's because I'm a mature 25 year old now, but I'm apparently I'm all about good smelling stuff. And this candle smells real good. I can't describe the scent, I just know I like it lit all the time.
Jason Segel - Duh. I think we'd make an absolute adorable couple, don't you? He's got everything I look for in a dude: height, sense of humor, and a cute face. Jas, call me!

Harper's Island - CBS. Saturdays. 9:00. I started watching this show on a fluke Saturday night in, and now I'm hooked like a vibrantly colored magnet from your Gramma's vacation to The Keys on a fridge. JUST TELL ME WHO THE KILLER IS ALREADY!!!!!

Verizon Fios: Verizon Fios has changed my life. I love that I can basically watch whatever I want, whenever I want thanks to their Video On Demand shit. It's so convenient! Thanks to my friend, Fios, I can watch whichever episode of Harper's Island I want whenever I have the time (usually Sunday's when I wake up, in case you were wondering).

Avocados - I've had a thing for avocados for while. I used to boycott anything of this consistency (bananas: ew), but then one day I wised up.

Jewelry made of butterfly wings: Since visiting the Butterfly Farm in Aruba, I've rediscovered my love of these special creatures. Thanks to Ebay, I'm now the proud owner of a sweet painted ring made from a butterfly wing. It's kinda sad, but then I remember that butterflies don't live for that long and then I shrug my shoulders and look at it on my finger and don't feel so bad.

<3

Just Watch The Fireworks

2009-07-05T23:33:00.007-04:00

Yawn! I'm so very sleepy right now! Which is strange, because for the first time in months, I slept past noon today. Why is that? How come you get the tireds after you've slept more? Do any sleep scientists read my blog? Can someone explain this phenomenon to me?

Hope you had a great July 4th holiday weekend. Mine was a-ok, thanks for askin! Thursday, Dad and I went to this cute little atrium called Clark Gardens out on the island. My ankles haven't been covered in this many mosquito bites since I was about 8. Speaking of bug bites, I just found out that The Wormers will be going head-to-head with Mother Nature at the end of August. Watch out, here comes a whole lotta caps lock: I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED THAT WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT I JUMP UP AND DOWN AND THEN I SMILE A LOT AND THEN I STOP WHEN I THINK ABOUT HOW LONG I HAVE TO WAIT!!!! I've never been camping before in my life, EVER. I'm from Queens, I have no clue how to turn off a fire and was never allowed to sleep in the backyard for fear of tick bites and kidnapping (f'reals). I'm packing beer & s'more fixins, that's it...and maybe that blanket with feet thing that I have that was one of Oprah's favorite things in 1999. Seriously, CAN NOT WAIT!

That picture up there is a passion flower, I believe. I found it in the gardens when I went with my Dad and also on the 4th of July last year when we were in Austin. A homeless man gave me one and I wore it in my hair till it started to wilt. This was the third consecutive awesome Fourth I've spent with Danielle and co. We stuck around the east coast and thanks to her awesome apartment, had a sweet view of the Macy's fireworks.

It was really nice to see them after not being around for a few years. Growing up, I made it my business to see the Macy's fireworks. Because summer camp was always used as a threat in my house, my fireworks were pretty much the one thing I looked forward to every summer (and lightning bugs of course). There were the years I watched from my bedroom window, while I had the tv on in my room for comparison, and the years we'd go to the dock with sparklers and Goldfish and blankets and just sit on the grass or in the car and watch, and the year we took the boat all the way to Hell's Kitchen and had ashes falling on us, and the other year when we ran out of gas on the way back in. Ahh to be young again.

Ok, I have to go wash this Queen Helen face mask off and my eyes are about to shut ANDDDD I have to wake up early for a doctors appointment. Can't wait to take my scarred tonsils to see the ENT tomorrow morning! Yay!!

<3

The Boys Are Back In Town

2009-07-01T23:40:00.006-04:00

Metaphorically speaking, that is. In reality it's just lil ole' me. Other suitable titles for this post could have been "Back to life, back to reality" orrr "Guess who's back?" and then I would have started this post with "Ashley's back! Tell your friends", but I don't like Ememinem. Anyways, I made it! I survived another family trip to Aruba and returned home with only minor cuts and bruises.

After having my Dad buy me beers during our 3 hour delay, and almost having to land in Curacao, we landed on One Happy Island late Saturday night. Check out my section of the lovely Kapooah suite:
Most of the trip was spent hangin' by the pool, readin', drinkin' Balashi, and playin' Bingo. I was no luck dragon, but my slut of a sister won $150 one day. She spent the money on a romantic dinner with her boyfriend. What. A. Waste.Monday was full of ups and downs. Literally. Because of our soggy June, I guess I never got used to the heat and because I don't really eat breakfast on a regular basis, I learned the hard way that this does not spell success. But it does spell fainting F-A-I-N-T. The first time I ever faint, I faint at a bar - a very hard marble one at that - while asking for water. I WOULD. I banged my chin on the way down that has left me with this sweet gash-ious scar and healed cuts on my tongue. My knee took the brunt of the injury, though. By crashing on the tile floor, my knee saved my head, and was awarded a nice black & blue and some swelling. Thanks, knee! My ankle's a little bitch that felt left out and wanted to get in on the action, so it got all twisty & bruised, too. It now clicks whenever I move. The look on my parents face when they found my sad pathetic butt, surrounded by hotel employees, was no where close to the smile on my Mom's pretty face below. I'm just glad I didn't pee myself.
I was mostly recovered from my earlier incident when Aunt Claudia, Uncle George, Peter & John showed up that evening. Senor Frogs also played a big roll in my speedy recovery that night. With out it, I wouldn't have been able to have yards of margaritas and forget I was a gimp. Seriously though, we had so much fun. I don't think I've seen my Dad dance the chicken dance since a 1993 house party that involved liquid light necklaces. Peter Cook got funky. Oh! And! I don't think my family has ever seen me get a lap dance from strange men or funnel Sambuca before, so it was entertaining for the whole family and not awkward in the least!

On Friday, Mom, Aunt Claudia and I went to The Butterfly Farm. Now, I don't know if you know this about me, but I have a thing for butterflies. I'm not crazy like Mariah Carey, but growing up my favorite book was The Butterfly Jar and every summer these 2 very special butterflies would land on my head whenever I was in our pool... I haven't been somewhere as peaceful as the farm in a really long time. Butterflies were fluttzin around my head, hanging out in trees, and staying still long enough for me to take their pictures. They were everywhere and it made me really happy. Friday was a good day.
It was a good trip. I got to hang out with my parents (and learn new things about them - I had no idea my Dad loves Chelsea Handler) and just get out of New York and relax and swim...and I needed that.

I have so so sooooo many more pics, but I've decided I'm going to split them up and post some more in the coming days. Plus I'm sorta sleepy and I left my glasses at work so things are getting blurry. I think that's the first time I've used the phrase "getting blurry", not pertaining to events from the night before the day after drinking, since I was about 18. New high or new low?

<3

Doesn’t count cause the room is spinning

2009-06-19T22:03:00.005-04:00

Well look at this! Not only is this here blog my first entry written as a mature 25 year old (wearing a crazy mature shirt that has a cat with cowboy boots on and says "I Love Country Meowsic"), but it's also my 100th post. NUTS! Also nucking futs, in that really freaky, "OMG I'M TOTALLY OLD" kinda way, I received my first ever birthday card that called me a "woman" this year. Does this mean I have to stop going to Disney On Ice until I have kids? Because that would really suck.
Here are some new pics of Lily. She's growing sooooo fast. In this one she's saying "MA! stop takin' my pict-chur." In my mind, sometimes she sounds like the girl version of Jonathan Lipniki when he was in his hayday. Shortly after this photo was taken, she pounced on my camera and sauntered off saying "Warnedcha." How? How? Howwwww am I going to live with out that face for seven whole days?! Tomorrow, I'm off to Aruba for family fun time. This year, I've been upgraded from sharing a bed (not a typo) with my parents, to having my very own couch in the living room. YAY! 25 is great!
Can't wait to show off my tan.
<3

Meet Me In Montauk

2009-06-09T23:47:00.004-04:00

A couple weekends ago, the Wormers took over Montauk.

The day was filled with:

Checking out the light house and being yelled at by a cranky old lady that obviously hated tourists and her job, who told us to "take a free walk to hell."
The best margaritas of. my. life.
Having a couple different strangers take pictures of us on the rocks.
Finally buying a new boogie board, friendship bracelets (because we're 25 minus the 20), and sweatpants that say "THE END" across the ass - LOL?
Eating lobsta at the place the hunky Australian dudes told us they worked at.
An art fair & men in short denim shorts. Like seriously short - and they were not cut-offs. I'm not sure if that makes things better or worse.
Naps in the car.
And finding a pole to dance on. Jamie was a natural. Duh.

It was a good day.

YO - check out a new side project.
<3

Heartbreak Hotel

2009-05-12T00:17:00.010-04:00

Well, it's been a while (did anyone else just read that as if Aaron Lewis was sing-talking it?). Anyway, please forgive me for my absence and for getting Stained stuck in your head.

Our road trip to Graceland was awesome and most definitely filled with some "wtf" and "did that really just happen?" moments that still make me laugh when I think about them. On Friday, April 10, 2009, I packed the car and picked up Shana at an ungodly hour of 4:30 AM...it's just plane wrong and unnatural to be up before the sun. For the most part, we sailed smoothly (despite my "check engine" light coming on about an hour in to our drive and lasting till we got back home on Tuesday) to Dinosaur Land in Winchester, VA. We got lost along the way and wound up at that sketchy bait & tackle place where there were cameras monitering the bathrooms and they sold Clamato....you get the picture (and apparently so do they...of my ass).

We finally made it to Dinosaur Land where we were greeted by these magnificent, 20 feet tall, violent, figurines. And a Totem Poll.Check out the Dino in the background here. He's such a creep...just sitting there, scouring at the camera. He looks like the tall angry kid that's stuck in the back row of your third grade class photo, just plotting ways to ruin the picture. If you think this is disturbing, you shoulda seen the Brontosaures dieing in the sand pit, or the group of Hillbillies that were trailing behind us. Ehhllll.

Learning about all those precious dinosaurs made us hungry, and this amazing thought popped in to our heads - "We're out of NY...there must be a sonic around here!" - man were we right. I was so excited to get a Cherry Limeade, I got caught speeding. Doing 57 in a 35 is looked down upon and considered "Reckless Driving" in Virginia, probably because I could hit someone on a tractor. Thankfully, my officer decided he didn't feel like taking me to jail, I passed GO and collected $200.

Big apology going out to the homegirl at Sonic that brought us our food. "Ooops, I think there's some hair stuck to those pennies." I bet she really wished she could have spit in our food.
Once we ate, we were back on the road and on our way to the Shenandoah Caverns.
It cost $20 to get in, and we had seen stalagmites before, so we decided to just hang around the gift shop and then go explore this abandoned barn that we found next to the Tyson Chicken plant down the road.

We were going to drive all the way to Nashville that night, but after 13 hours of driving and a tornado warning in Knoxville, TX, we decided we should pull over and get a room in lovely Bristol (Palin) Tennessee. "Let's stay at a Howard Johnson says Shana. I say "Sure! They're cheap! Let's do it!". BIG MISTAKE.
Unforgettable things about our HoJo experience:

As we were running out of my car to the "lobby" in the pouring rain, Shana slipped on the pavement and slid right into the hotel. Had we been playing baseball, an umpire would have called her SAFE and she would have scored a run.
Boomhower from King Of The Hill was definitely in a room a couple doors down.
The word "Fuck" was carved on the bathroom wall.
There were ciggarette burns in our sheets. I tried so hard not to move during the middle of the night because I was afraid what my feet would find.

I don't think I've ever left a hotel room as quick as I left that horrid filth trap, and lawd knows I've had to gitty up and go0o0o a couple times in my day. Get your mind outta the gutter...I've overslept check out times. A quick couple hours later we made it to Nashville, checked in to what felt like a 5 star Best Western hotel, got picked up by the Kenny Powers cab driver and headed over to Yazoo Brewery. We were the first people on line for the 5:00 Brewery Tour and missed half of it. Once the tour was over and I chugged a Dos Perros Ale, we got back in the Kenny Powers cab and headed to downtown Nashville. We had dinner at the lovely Big River Grille & Brewing Works and by "dinner", I mean nachos, Patron Silver Margaritas and shots of Crown that we were forced to take and then pay for. This lead us to the tattoo shop down the street and I'm now the proud owner of a cute little music note tattoo. YAY! As we walked out of the tattoo shop, we hailed a cab that was sitting right on the corner. We told the driver that we wanted to go back to our hotel and as he made the right turn in to the cross walk, he hit a girl crossing the street. She got up & was fine, but talk about AWKWARDDDDD. I am the queen of awkward situations (see: my "Nana died in my house on New Years eve when I had friends over "story) but this one kinda took the cake. The rest of the ride home our driver just kept talking about how he was going to have to tell his wife & kids he lost another job and asked if we were going to call & complain about him too. I just wanted to go to sleep.

Easter Sunday we woke up bright and early and finished our drive to Memphis. Elvis' interior designer deserves a medal. Graceland was definitely cool and I'm glad I got to see it (plus I got inspiration for my next Halloween costume), but going to Sun Studios gave me chills. I didn't think it was going to mean that much to me, but I got there and it was like BAM! This is the reason why you are where you are in life.

We headed back to Nashville in the torrential rain to go see We The Kings & The Cab play a show at Rocketown. Shana gets 4 Gold Stars for keeping us alive in that weather. I didn't believe the song "Walking In Memphis" held any truth in the lyrics until I actually touched down in the pouring rain, myself. After the show a couple of us wound up back downtown. We went to a bar that was filled with lots of dudes and I thought "Yes! My odds have skyrocketed!" Then I looked around and saw that all these men were really friendly towards one another. I thought "Hey! Maybe it's a southern thing." Then I heard some guys singing Elton John and Madonna and thought "Well that's strange." Then I realized, we were in a gay cowboy bar. From there we wound up in a weird penthouse bar where a dance battle ensued and we were threatened and immediately had to leave before we got beat up. We shared a taxi back to the hotel with the loveliest gay man I've ever met, who once we stopped at the gay club he was going to, ran out of the cab like Speedy Gonzalez on crack.

The day after that was spent driving to DC and stopping at a couple Sheetz so Shana could get Mac & Cheese. And that was pretty much our trip minus a couple other incriminating tales. Spring Beak OH TEN!!!!!

Ok that's all I got for you, I am sleeeeeeepy! But before I got, please meet my new little lady, Lily. I didn't get 2 arms full of Siamese kittehs. Just one handful, and I couldn't be happier. awwww.

I'm taking flying trapeze lessons on Friday, Shannon's graduating from college soon and memorial day is coming up, so I'll have a lot to report in the upcoming weeks.
Night!
<3

"She like-a da way ya dick taste"

2009-04-08T00:09:00.003-04:00

That is my favorite line from a movie I watch way too often. I like to watch "Knocked Up" before I go out on Friday nights, when I get home from the bars while eating White Castle, when I'm hungover on Saturday afternoons, when it's on Starz, when I'm sad and when I'm happy.

Anyway, here's a current list of things I want for this spring & summer:

Aside from beer, my most favorite alcoholic drink is tequila, which leads us to Margaritas! This summer I'd like to celebrate Margarita Mondays with the Margarator. If this is given to me, I foresee trouble in the near future.

I think I want to start wearing heels more regularly? Especially ones that look like these? If I happen to purchase these, and wear them on a Margarita Monday, there is no doubt in my mind I will wind up with at least one broken bone. But they're so pretty.

Lots & lots of film. And I'd like it to cost less. Polaroid discontinuing pack film is really hindering my creative flow. Shame on you, Polaroid.

I think I'd like a new crush. Maybe even a crush that isn't one sided and on a celebrity? Perhaps a crush that would lead to a manfriend joining me on a family vacation so I could share my bed with him instead of my parents?

I'd love it if the Wormers could take a lovely, all inclusive, beach vacation together. It'd be like the episode of Saved By The Bell when the gang went to Palm Springs. Only there'd be less Kelly/Zack drama and it'd be more like a week long shitshow - like St. Patrick's Day, only on steroids, because booze would be free.

I need an apartment. Perhaps I'm picky, but I don't want to settle and live in a janky shithole. I'd like a nice affordable place, in a great neighborhood, that has an absentee landlady & all/most utilities included. Is that too much to ask for? I won't give up hope.

I want two arm fulls of Siamese kittens so I can create the New York chapter of an itty bitty kitty orchestra called "The Meowing Cats Chorus". I'll settle for just one to snuggle with, though. Top kitten names are Bowie, Arbus and Stout.

This is what a mature bed looks like. The damask print is seductively whispering, in a very attractive French accent, "Oh Cherie, I am so ve-lee sovt and at-tract-eeve. Buy me. Sleep with me. I vill make you ap-ee." My future bedspread kinda sounds like the bee from the Nasonex commercial. Want.

A goose that lays golden eggs, because c'mmon, who wouldn't want one?

Ok, my Veruca Salt "I want, I want, I want" rant is over.

Happy Birthday Mommy.
<3

I'm just taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River Line

2009-04-07T00:22:00.003-04:00

Mr. William Joel said it best & you know the rest of that lyric. It's a little too cheesy for me to write. Plus it always reminds me of that episode of Sex And The City (I think I just lost 4 male readers) when Big's dating a movie star.

Anyway, I find that title only fitting because all these pictures are from my very first trip to Ellis Island. Being a New Yorker, I take things like the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building and really good pizza for granted. I realized this when I was playing the "Guess Where They're From" game on the ferry and overheard different conversations of awe. Ya know, everyone still gasps in the same language.

Shana and I, and maybe Jamie? (please please puhleassssssse come with us!) are leaving for our roadtrip to Graceland on Friday. I am super pumped to see more of the country and put some check marks next to my life goal list. Especially the one that says "See retarded landmarks around the world. I.E: Big Fake Dinosaurs/World's Largest Ball of Twine."
Wish us luck!
<3

If you’re looking for thrills Then get cold feet

2009-03-25T00:39:00.010-04:00

(The song of the week is "I Do Not Hook Up" by mmmmKELLYCLARKSON. Sweet, sweet, Kels has done it once again and produced a song that will now be considered my anthem and sung at the top of my lungs when no one is around. Thank you for that.)

Only a baby post tonight. Sorry I've been M.I.A. I've had bigger fillet o' fish to fry. By that, I mean I've been watching so many episodes of bridal shows on WE that my male friends are oddly concerned for my mental health, and drinking till I black out. Welcome to my nightmare.

Anyway, A. I miss this:
and B. We will discuss St. Patrick's Extended Weekend 2009 and all the magic (make-a-wish make-outs, insults and accusations, alcohol theft, etc.) that came with it, just night tonight. I'm sure you'll be glued to the edge of your seat till my next post.

oh P.S. - not sure if anyone who reads my blog is a fan of BMX and I'm not sure if it's old, but this is pretty sweet. It's inspired me to dust off my Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX 2 game, pop it in my PS2 and knock over some ladders in Woodward. Cha ching

<3

You've got a diamond under your skin

2009-03-10T23:50:00.003-04:00

This better be the last photo I take of snow in 2009. I've had it up to HERE - which is about the same height required in order to ride most major roller coasters in the US. Suck it old man winter.

Thanks to Shana's awesome recommendation, I've been a little obsessed with this band Seabear, since last Friday. The music is so cute. It sounds like a band of sparkling midget angels on vocals and 8 baby kittens playing the instruments. Ok, maybe that doesn't seem like it would sound very good, but trust me...it does. OH! And that adorable little name! Ever since I've heard the word "Seabear" my mind has stayed busy picturing something far too cute for this universe. So I took it upon myself to draw what I think a Seabear would look like:

Hamptons Friday!!!!! Can't wait to blow last St. Patricks day out of the water.
These tweets pretty much sum it all up: then the middle gets blank...then ashley will stick her hand in the garbage and pull out a bottle w very lil liquor in it. and shell walk around with the bottle doing mini shots out of it. and then I can't remember anything else.
VIVA ST. PAT!
<3!

Yours To Keep

2009-03-01T22:59:00.004-05:00

I'm currently watching season 3 of The Office. Andy Bernard is one of my least favorite characters of all time. I really don't think it's my pms saying this, but I want to kick Andy in the nuts while someone else rips out his vocal chords. Homeboy needs to take it down a notch.

Aside from watching my glorious DVDs from the comfort of my bed, I've been baking a lot. Earlier in the week I made some delicious Beer Bread with mah fave, Sam Adams Cherry Wheat. Deeeelish.

After learning my "Levon" lesson on Tuesday, I learned to pick something a little more "crowd friendly" at karaoke on Friday. I got really into Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know". I wish my Rosie Perez impression was this dead on. One day it will be - it's on my life goal list. Seriously. The night came to a close after we stole a marble owl we named "Hoo" from the bar and got some t. bell. I woke up Saturday morning with a tequila headache, after fending off advances from that creep Ali who tried to make me the little spoon during the middle of the night. Creep.

Last night I stayed in and made cupcakes for my Dad's 55th birthday. Bailey's Irish Cream, regular and white chocolate chips, topped off with a vanilla mint frosting. Yahatzee!

Here's to that snow storm of the century.
Anything's possible on a snow day!
<3

Can you still feel the butterflies?

2009-02-25T21:00:00.002-05:00

HAHAHA oh man. America's Funniest Home Videos still cracks me up. I'm sitting here watching elderly people fall off boats and giggling uncontrollably. In my book, nothin is better than that. OK, that's a lie...maybe fart sounds. Seriously, it makes me sad to think that deaf people will never hear something so funny. This is something I think about on a daily basis.

Friday me and Ali packed up the car with snacks and drove down to Ocean City, MD to visit our friend Val. We're the only two idiots that could get lost between my house and the Jersey Turnpike....twice. We had a lovely 24 hours full of crab cakes, beers, and ice cream covered waffles. I also picked up a sweet new apron.

Monday Shana, Scott, Justin, Danielle, Whit, myself and a bajillion other people went to see Jimmy Eat World. It was the first night of the Clarity x 10 tour and something I had been waiting for since November. squee. They sounded AMAZING. I'm so so so lucky I got to see it. After the show a couple of us went to Barcelona Bar. Shots for everyone!!!

Last night to celebrate Fat Tuesday, Jamie, Shana & I went to dinner and then looked for something to do in one of the bars on Bell. We hit the goldmine when we walked in to Dempsy's and they were doing Karaoke. I finally got to sing "Levon" by Elton John. This is something the gay man inside me has been wanting to do for months. Mission complete!

<3

Amusement or treasure, these optimistic pleasures Like the Ferris Wheel!

2009-02-19T23:51:00.003-05:00

Contrary to that little title, this post does not include one ferris wheel. How sad! Summer needs to get here quick so I can get to every possible longuyland fair and take one too many pictures of gigantic spinning wheels that make me smile.

Speaking of smiling and other odd facial expressions, every now and again I like to shut my bedroom door and practice different faces for my camera. You know you do it too. Most of mine come out a bit Downs-y. Which immediately gives me flashbacks to the Christmas where my family was playing Trivial Pursuit and after downing one too many CC Manhattan On The Rocks, my Dad announced "We didn't think you were going to make it past the age of two. Yea, we all thought you had...what's that thing called? Oh yea! Down Syndrome! I'm serious." Man did I prove you wrong or what, Pops?

Ocean City or Bust!

<3

I love Love.

2009-02-18T00:08:00.005-05:00

I also love The Format. And Kittens, Inspired by Kittens - it's like the Cunningham Muffins of cats!

Well another Valentine's Day has come and gone. I think this was probably my most favorite one to date. I did almost exactly what I said I was going to do: bake, watch The Office, and drink beers with my friends. And I lahhhhhhved every minute of it. The Hamptons part didn't happen, but that just means it will only be more special when we head out St. Patrick's Day weekend! Horrah! Less than one month left. Better start a-packin'.

These are the cherry pie filled cupcakes I made - complete with homemade marshmallow icing. The lil bastids took 3 hours to bake and as of 1AM Wednesday morning, there's only one left. When I had my first bite, I giggled like a little girl who had accidentally wandered into the boys locker room. I may have blushed a little too.

While trying to locate ingredients (it's unbelievable how hard it is to find corn syrup & buttermilk in Queens), I also picked up some of my favorite flowers and made a little arrangement. Unfortunately, no hydrangeas could be found at either Stop & Shop or Walbaums. They still made me smile though.

The rest of my three day weekend was spent nursing a stomach ache, watching Madagascar 2 and The OC, spending money on clothes I don't really need but looked really cute in, mani/pedis and sushi, celebrating Ali's birthday, finally getting around to getting my Tara McPherson print framed and sleeping till 2PM. Ah yes, the stuff dreams are made of.

<3

It's My Bedsheet Covered With Sand

2009-02-03T23:15:00.003-05:00

So I took that blue blanket to the beach on Sunday and retardedly forgot to shake shake, shake shake, a-shake it out. I'm still finding sand everywhere. I kinda like it though....reminds me of summer and falling asleep on the beach, only I'm waking up less sunburned. Yay? There's just about 136 days left till I can be at the beach every weekend. My boogie board is very happy about this.

Until then, we're stuck living in this icy tundra. In real life, my street looks exactly like all these photos, except less blurry. I actually kinda love the way my town looks when it snows. Even though it's a pain in le ass, it's got a pretty classic look to it. Perhaps this is why they were shooting a new show called "The Unusuals" here the other day? Anyway, I remember the blizzard of 1996? and going sledding down one of the big hills a couple blocks away. We had this shitty lavender sled that moved like lightning and cracked when I sat in it. I looked like a cross between Clark W. Griswold and Helga from The Oblongs speeding down that hill. Of course the ropes to steer the thing never worked and I wound up face first in a bunch of reeds, which may or may not have resulted in a nose bleed. To make matters worse, because I was so chubs and had little to no upper arm strength, I couldn't make it back up the slope. My brother had to come halfway down to meet me & extend his leg out and pull me up. Ahhh the good ole days. I probably went home and had my mom make me some hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and threw a party for my Beanie Babies after this.

<3

Put me in, Coach - I'm ready to play today

2009-02-02T23:49:00.006-05:00

I did it! I actually did it! And can't wait to do it again next year!!
Sunday morning I woke up after having crazy nightmares about singing dolphins and 40 foot waves, not really sure about this polar bear swim. I even thought about giving up the dream and going back to bed - the dolphins were kinda cute. Then I thought about how disappointed I'd be with myself. This is something that I've been wanting to do forever, and I've been doing so well with my resolution. This wasn't a time to quit! Plus, how shitty would it be if I showed up at the playground on Monday after bragging to everyone what my Sunday plans were? So I called Shana and begggggggggged her to come with me. She said yes and I am eternally grateful for that. After a 15 minute walk down the boardwalk, I started getting the butterflies. I was super dooper nervous and kept hearing my mother's voice saying "You could go in to cardiac arrest or get hypothermia. Don't die." I silenced her immediately and took off my clothes once I saw the, approximately, 3500 other people.

You'd think they'd sound an alarm or a whistle or something, but nope. All of a sudden around 1:30, people just started charging the water. I've never seen Braveheart, but I imagine this is what one of the scenes would look like, only more wet & less face paint. As I started running in, friends were helping fallen friends out, people were turning blue and the crowd got thinner. But it was too late to turn back and I wasn't scared anymore. I was on a mission. I was expecting to feel the sting of the balmy 38 degree water upon entry, but I didn't (that's what she said). Not until after I dove under and started making my way out did things started to hurt, sting, cramp, and lock up. Yikes! It was at that moment my mother's voice popped back into my head and I forced my way out. This is a picture I took of myself as I headed back to my towel that Shana was so graciously holding out for me. I'm not 100% sure if that's water or snot dripping out my nose.
"Because," she said "when you're scared but you still do it anyway, that's brave." - Coraline.

<3

Look At My Life, I'm A Lot Like You

2009-01-29T00:15:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to Neil Young right now- SO GOOD. Have you ever felt a song? Like closed your eyes, listened and felt it in every inch of your body? Try it with "Old Man" and you'll figure out what I'm trying to say.

January is almost over. I know this because today is one of my besties beedays. Thanks for being so awesome January.
Things I'm looking forward to in February:

Polar Bear Swim in Long Beach. I've been saying I wanted to be a member of the Polar Bear Club since I was 15. I couldn't participate last year because I had a sickness. THIS WILL BE MY YEAR. I'm diving head first into the frigid waters of Long Beach this Sunday and will live to tell about it. i.cant.wait.
Valentines Day. I think I'm one of the few people that wake up not hating Valentines Day (by the time I fall asleep might be a different story). I like chocolate and hearts and excuses to give people cards. This year, if all works out, I will be spending the weekend with the loves of my life: The Wormers. The plan is to get the hamptons house, set up shop on the comfy couches, tye die red shirts and iron on funny sayings, bake these crazy vanilla cupcakes with a cherry pie filling I've been dying to make, watch every season of The Office, drink lots of beer, play scrabble, make some prank phone calls and laugh. Perfect<3!
A three day weekend.
Maybe an Islanders/Devil game which will mark my first appearance at a home game this season. I'll be wearing my jersey and a pout. And maybe, just maybe, they'll actually score some goals and win a game. Probably not.
JIMMY EAT WORLD. Shana and myself (along with a couple hundred of my closest friends) will be enjoying the 10 Year Anniversary Clarity Tour on the 23rd. I'll be the girl in the back sobbing gleefully to myself. Can you still feel the butterflies? YES. YES I CAN.

Nice. Real Nice.
<3

Clarity

2009-01-28T00:03:00.008-05:00

Instead of telling you (un)funny stories tonight, I've decided to tell you 24 random things about myself. One for every year I've been alive. After this entry, if we were ranking each other on the BFF-O-Meter, I'm pretty sure we'll be bfflz.

In the midst of my computer and iPod breaking today, this kept a smile on my face.
Out of all the characters I've seen in movies lately, I relate to Katie from Horton Hears A Who the most.
I still want my butt tattooed, and if it wasn't for swim practice, I'd be getting it done this weekend.
I hate that when I don't know about something, I don't take the time to get educated...that I'm absolutely OK with saying "yea, I've heard of it, but I have no idea what that is."
My mother tried to teach me patience by telling me "Good things come to those who wait." I realized this saying was bullshit after I waited and waited for a Puppy Surprise when I was 8. I finally got one and when I opened the momma dog up to see how many puppies I had, there were none.
My biggest fear in life is dead bodies. I am terrified of zombies, can't walk into funeral homes, still cross my fingers when I pass a cemetery and for a month after my Nana died, I wouldn't go into the room where she kicked it. This made going to the bathroom really hard sometimes.
Whenever I talk to people who are upset, there are two lines from the Bright Eyes song "Bowl Of Oranges" that constantly play in my head: "Your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow" and "Every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh."
Bleed American by Jimmy Eat World always makes me happy, Peter Pan is my comfort food and I've read The Bell Jar about a thousand times and still can't tell you what it's about even though it's my favorite book.
For a long time last year, I thought I wanted to stop giving. I was sick of putting myself out there and feeling like I was getting nothing but slaps in the face returned. I was so angry and hurt and could count my happy days on only a hand and a half. That's not like me. I'm really glad I didn't give in and things have changed.
I absolutely hate planning and organizing things. I love being able to help and doing nice things for people when they least expect.
I didn't get drunk for the first time until the end of senior year of high school when Shana gave me a shot of Hennessey and said "Do it Ashleycook! You're Irish!" It's all been pretty much downhill from there.
Love. The jury's still out when it comes to everything having to do with it. What it is, why people fall out of it, where it comes from, why so many people sing about it, and most importantly, if I'll ever be in it. Lately, I credit a very wise man I know for restoring my belief. With that being said, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be better. Who never lets me settle and encourages me to go the extra mile. Who makes me laugh for hours, lets me ask for help after I've tried fixing something myself with no luck & refused his offers, and even if he disagrees with me stays on my side.
I really loved my cat, Basil. I've never really loved my cat Duncan. I'm worried that this is what it'll be like when I have kids. What if I don't love them both equally? What if I don't love one at all?
My most safest and happiest place is behind a camera. When I take pictures, even if it's at a super loud show, I can't hear anything. Everything shuts down and gets quiet and I can only see through a lens.
I want to photograph war. I hate photographing people and I'm pretty sure I'd have to face #6 on this list, but I want to show people more than pretty things. I feel like I need to.
I'm a big believer in the puzzle piece theory. Your life is a huge jig saw puzzle and you're on quest to find the pieces that fit. There will be some you want to fit SO badly but won't, and there will be some that you didn't expect to fit but do. And some might fit only for a little while before they get warped and pop out. You know you've found something special when you get the butterflies in your stomach. I'm really lucky to have found a couple: Huntington Beach, The Wormers, my family at Crush, you people - you know who you are, and my camera.
I make most of my hardest decisions based on coin flips. It's why I have or have not told boys I liked them, went to Oneonta, and dyed my hair blond.
To quote The Wallflowers: "I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same." Except for wearing a bra and less Winnie The Pooh clothing, I think I'm still the girl I was 15 years ago. I'm still naive, I still want to be liked by everyone, and I still wear my Footprints of Canada shirt to bed every night. I never want to lose that nerdy little girl inside of me. That's what he said?
I really want to host an episode of SNL.
My middle name, Carey, was my paternal grandmothers maiden name. My brother & I share it, while my sister has a maternal family name, Mckay.
I guess I'm technically a middle child. I was so angry at my brother for coming in & out of my life growing up. I hated when he stayed at the house because my Dad would raise my basketball hoop and take my cable box and give it to him. I hated it more that I didn't see or speak to him for 5 years and was left to watch Saturday morning cartoons alone.
The dude who installed our cable internet when I was younger changed my life. He was the one that introduced me to Napster and a whole new world full of music that wasn't on the radio.
The only thing I 100% enjoy sharing my bed with is my stuffed dog, Mutsy. But there are exceptions....
I'm fickle. I don't always know what I want and I'm scared to commit because I'm terrified that once I do, something better will come along and then I'll be shit out of luck. This is why I had 5 majors in college, have taken my nose ring in & out 3 times and change my nail polish color every week. But I'm working on it.

So what do you think? Should I go to Claire's and get us some matching necklaces?
<3.

With nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through

2009-01-26T00:04:00.010-05:00

I swear I'm not being emo. I'm just listening to Brand New. Ok, maybe there's no difference. This is why I'm not a lawyer or wasn't asked to join the Mock Trial team in High School. However, if we want to get into it, I wouldn't mind some snuggle time. I met a suitor or two at the bar this weekend, but creeping me out and giving me the old "You wanna see Afghanistan? I can show you around" line, isn't really the way to get me under the covers. We all know the key to my heart can be found in tequila shots. Lots and lots of tequila shots.

Anyway, I'm sorry I've been such a floozy, running around instead of postin' blogs. The past couple weeks have been jam packed with adventure. I saw Slumdog Millionaire (I backed it. It was a bit too long for my attention span, but it was shot beautifully) and The Unborn (ugh! booooooo! worst ever! company excluded. Not one of Michael Bay's finest pieces of work). Still haven't seen Notorious yet and I'm pretty bummed about it. I did however get to see my favorites play at Nassau Coliseum, though. I enjoy going to the coliseum for 3 reasons:
1. This is where I graduated from high school & like to let everyone know it.
2. The color scheme - who doesn't love blue, white, & orange?
3. It's the home of a shitty shitty hockey team that we will not discuss because they've broken my heart into more pieces than Heath Ledgers death. Too soon?
The show was great. There were midgets walking around and metal detectors that I couldn't pass through because of all the junk in my pockets AND I scored a goal by sticking my entire body into a NHL net - a concept the Islanders are unfamiliar with, apparently.

Since I had Monday off from work and it makes me sad to leave the dudes, I decided to invade their home and stay on the bus for a couple days. Ten thousand farts, lots of whiskey shots, two stops in Ohio, countless episodes of Frisky Dingo, too much Ryan Adams, Segway rides and a 3AM Wal*Mart stop later, we got to Minneapolis & it was time for me to leave. Thank you for your hospitality boys. After the WORST LAYOVER EVER in Chicago, I got back home where it was time to bring my dick jokes & fart talk down a notch. But then I saw an advance screening of the "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" movie and it was once again all about the poop talk. God, I am so ladylike. Got to meet Tucker Max who told me "even if you were super duper hot & had huge fake tits, I still wouldn't tell you a story form the new book." Win. I'm now pretty convinced Ashleycat is a bigger bad-ass and my book will one day outsell his. Game point and match, Mr. Max.

Big Tuna came to New York which was a nice little treat. It was fun to hang and have a delicious lunch out with him, Scotch Tape & Ant$$. Falling in a pothole on the way to said lunch, was not so much fun.

Friday night we had Swamy Shana's surprise birthday party. Erica did a great job organizing everything. After playing a big game of flip cup and sucking helium out of balloons, everyone wound up on Bell. A couple car bombs and a bar switch later, we turned into unstoppable dancing machines. Total shit show. Matt was walking around with a neon green napkin tied as a bandanna around his head, Rocks was trying to put chalk on people and I was trapped in a corner by a dude so drunk he couldn't unlock his iPhone. It's just a sliding motion people! C'mmon! Thanks for helping me out of that pickle, guys!
Saturday I got up bright & early to go apartment hunting. I'm scared that I will never love an apartment as much as I loved Happy House and I'll be doomed to live across the hall from my parents foreva eva. This does not spell out success. After a nice brunch, it was time for quick change into my bathing suit & my first practice with the swim team (I'm the new assistant coach of a little girls swim team by my house). Practice went really really well. By the end of the first hour, the junior swimmers were doing great, and by the end of the second hour, the older girls had stopped belly flopping & sorta got the hang of diving off the blocks.

I spent most of today running errands and trying to watch the homeboys play football. I was excited because I haven't played since junior year of college, but because teams were uneven, they wouldn't let me play. "Just sit out for 45 minutes until Steve leaves, then we'll let you in the game." Yea right guys. It was colder than my heart outside (roughly 28 degrees), and I felt like the little sister from the Berenstain Bears so I up and left, called Jlingus and went for a mani/pedi. I feel so accomplished! My happiness level is around 89% right now.
I also feel so very feel sleepy. So for now, I wish you sweet dreams.
Night!

<3

Sweet dreams til sun beams find you

2009-01-12T00:22:00.002-05:00

Man, I forgot how much fun it was to "do things". Back in 2006, I used to go out and do things all the time. I'd to go to antique sales and museums and festivalish things and then I feel like it all sort of stopped. I really have no idea why. It's not like our weekends got super hectic. And the Ale House shut down, so it's not like I was spending most of my time on a barstool in Seaford. Regardless, 2009 will once again be the year of doing things. If 2008's theme song was "This Is It", 2009's is "Get On Your Feet". That kind of sounded like a Jenny Craig advertisement.

Anyway, one thing I enjoy very much is Disney on Ice. I enjoy anything Disney, really. I think it's because every May my parents would take us to Disney World. This is the reason why I can't do fractions & don't know percents, but I digress. Last week, D.O.I rolled into town and Shana said she was down to go, which was sweet, because if I went to this alone there was a good chance I would look like a pedophile. I was like a mailman trying to get there. Neither rain, nor sleet nor snow would keep my late-bloomer ass from overgrown characters on skates! I risked my life, driving 30 miles an hour on a snow covered unpaved Northern State Parkway just to get there on time. And boy was it worth it. We walked in, got our tickets & went straight to the souvenirs. This years theme was The Incredibles go to Disney Land. Not as good as the princess one I saw a couple years back, but ok to say the least. My two favorite parts of the show were definitely when these soldier dudes got one of those spinning circle move going. It's a classic. They even use it in Slap Shot and The Rockettes get an honorable mention for doing it too.

The Haunted Mansion part of the show topped the list though. Nassau Coliseum was decked out in black lights, looking much like some of my friends freshman dorm rooms, and super trippy. I've never seen it, but I imagine cirque de soleil has similar lighting. Favorite moment that is not pictured: one of the skaters busting his ass. twice.
In the keeping with the "doing things" theme, I've decided I'll be taking a roadtrip to Graceland over Easter weekend and I'm totally pumped. You may turn up your nose and poo-poo this idea, but I'm pretty sure it's gonna be glorious.

In other news, these are my new bad-mama-pah-jamma pants. They're not the most comfortable, in fact the embroidery is kinda annoying and itchy, but I think they're super cute. Growing up I always wanted striped pajama's. I know that's kind of an odd thing to want when you're 4...then again, I wanted a cat that was pink, purple & blue. Never got that cat...20 years later I finally got the pj's, though.

<3

"It's Ok...I think i just broke my hand...and maybe my foot...but i'm ok"

2009-01-09T21:36:00.006-05:00

Tonight, in order to ignore my raging stomach ache & stuffy (read "stubby") nose, I'd like to tell you the story of how we celebrated my second favorite holiday last year. So grab a cup of hot cocoa and prepare to be mildly dazzled.
First of all, here are several reasons why St. Patrick's Day is my second favorite holiday:

The color green - i look good in it & i like drinking any beverage that is the color of Slimer from Ghostbusters.
Daylight drinking - aside from rugby drink ups, this is the only legit way to drink when the sun is out without anyone thinking you have a "problem".
"Kiss me, I'm Irish" - best make-out holiday. hands down.
Parades - i've said it before and i'll say it again, i'm a big fan - they make me cry. throw in some bagpipes and it's waterworks city, population: me.
Weather - this is about the time of year the weather starts to get nice & i'm able to be outdoors jacket free.

With that being said, buckle up because here we go. In the years since I've been out of college, I haven't been able to properly celebrate this glorious holiday due to a little thing I like to call "work". Last year I believe March 17th fell on a Monday (and taking a day off work to drink would just be completely irresponsible). I can't quite remember how everything came to fruition, but I know we made plans to celebrate in the Hamptons the weekend before the big day. Jamie, Shana & I packed up the car on Friday night, like always, stopped at 7/11 to stock up on essentials - beer, chips & dip and little blocks of cheese - got to the house and began to tie-dye shirts immediately upon arrival. We were damn good at tie-dying too. Was this the night we called Ali when we were playing Kings for rule advice and were told "Shit..you guys are fucked up...there's no 1 in a deck of cards, assholes."?
Saturday morning we woke up bright and early, drank a couple beers and tried on fake mustaches*** while we anxiously awaited the arrival of Ali & Rocks. Once the Wormers had fully assembled it was time to call a cab and get our show on the road. It was around 1:00 when we walked into a bar filled with kegerators, lots of people and policemen with green mustaches. I had worn a beer helmet with my college nickname "Cocks" (get your mind out of the gutter) sharpee'd on the brim. I hadn't been in the bar a half hour when a drunk dude came up to me and was like "I will give you $100 for that helmet." I said "Lemme see the cash." Homeboy whipped out five twenty's right there! SOLD! We were about to finalize the transaction with a handshake when one of his buddies came up to us and was like "you're really gonna let him do that?!" Umm duh! That's when his friend dragged my buyer away and I continued to double head? I wasn't double fisting...either way that sounds dirty and the point is, I was drinking two beers at once. Ten minutes later my buyer had returned with a new offer, and I soon became helmet free and thirty bucks richer. EPIC WIN!

***Sidebar: This was during our mustache phase. We would carry spares around in our pockets & wait for the right time to bust 'em out...ahhh the good ole days.

Once the crowd at this bar started to die down, we decided we'd go with the rest of the leprechauns and head over to a bar called Casey's. Casey's is kinda like the Boardy Barn's fraternal twin sister. It's awesome & will turn into a shit show for sure, but its not as cute or outrageous as the big BB. Once we were in, all hell broke loose. I saw a woman was painting faces, and being the man-baby that I am, squealed and said YES! IM GETTING MY FACE PAINTED! MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL! I closed my eyes and let this lady Picaso do her job. "How do I look guys? Great? Cute? Irish?" The girls just stared and laughed and said "Ash, You just paid a bitch ten bucks to make you look like Mike Tyson." But I didn't care! I was drunk! It was St. Patrick's day weekend! There were boys in kilts and we needed to know if they were wearing underwear! The answer was no. Ali found out for us.

Fast forward a couple hours. I'm sure I've puked at least once and I'm confused that I can see the sun setting from inside. That's when someone spots an almost empty bottle of SoCo in the garbage can behind the bar. How it wound up in my hands? I haven't the faintest clue, but i do know it made it really easy to make new friends when you were offering free sips.
Proof that this actually happened and the many many reasons why I love this photo:
1. Shana is all business and like "take a picture of this shit"
2. It looks like Rocks is thinking about giving her number to some dude with a bad bowl haircut in the back right corner
3. The guy I sold my beer helmet to is standing right behind me.
4. There's photo evidence that I was walking around a bar with that bottle of SoCo in my hands.
5. I obviously can't be fooled by the dude spitting game and probably just slurred something along the lines of "dude! what? no! i gots an almost empty bottle of SoCo & a full bottle o' beer...ashleycat don't need you" (This was the day ashleycat was born)
6. You can see the pretty side of my painted face

After that, it all kinda goes black. I know some man in a Hawaiian shirt tried to get me to dance. I know we ate pizza at a classy restaurant across the street from the bar. I know the pizza burned my mouth & I puked in a sink. I don't know how we got home. I know that when we got back to the house, I fell walking up the stairs AND my friends tried to set me up with a dude who had a girlfriend, but in their mind "it was all good because he hated her." psshh...that homewrecking shit was so 06 guys!

I cannot wait to top this.

my nyquil is kicking in.
<3

Knock, Knock! Who's there?

2009-01-07T23:59:00.001-05:00

Strep Throat!
ha!ha!ha! Funny, right?
How 'bout no, Scott.
I've been strep free since '93 when I developed an allergic reaction to penicillin and pretty much every other medication under the sun used to treat it. I have lasted 16 long years without catching this dreaded infection and fearing what would happen if I did. I pictured my demise would be something like that of a character in Oregon Trail. My throat had been feeling like gar-bage for the past couple days and so I came to the conclusion that this was not something ice cream alone would fix. When Dr. Kaplan gave me my diagnosis this morning, it was like one of my worst fears had sprung to life. (Thankfully it was not the zombie one - that would have just been horrible. and messy.) HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? ugh, here's to enjoying a Z-Pack, that will leave my stomach writhing in pain, for the next couple days.

So after getting back from the doctor, I set up shop in my bed and answered emails while I watched How I Met Your Mother (if i loved Jason Segel before, i love him even more now) and The OC.I bought about $53 worth of music on iTunes today. I blame my antibiotics....
I decided that I want to be an Elvis fan in 2009, so thanks to my "following through" resolution, a bunch of songs were added to my library. Also, because of the Boardy Barn flashbacks I had this morning, I purchased some of my favorite drinking songs - IE: "Hey Baby" by Bruce Channel & the remix by Crazy Frog. Budgeting is really working!
Tonights pictures have nothing to do with anything. They're old & I took them at a fair in Levittown the night I realized I was no longer into the dude that I was seeing at the time. And on that note, I'm going to bed.

<3

This is the start of something good...

2009-01-05T23:59:00.006-05:00

...but you have to follow through.

Oh Dear God...I just quoted Gavin DeGraw. Hold on to your pants because it's all down hill from here. Next thing ya know, I'll be slipping back in to my Birkenstock's, doing shots of wheat grass and quoting lines from that Daniel Powder song, "Bad Day."
In all honesty though,
A. Gavin DeGraw is one of my guilty pleasures - in fact, I've had many a sing-a-longs with one Doug Neumann to classics such as "I Don't Want To Be" and "Chariot", and if you judge me for this, I will track you down and take away all of your mothers Josh Grobin cd's. Then she'll cry. You want that on your plate?
and
2. I have a point. "Following Through" is my new years resolution. Boo! Hiss!!! Yes, we're talking about it...for the first time since I can remember, I've made a resolution and I intend to stick with it. I like to challenge myself. For example, I occasionally like to see how long i can go with out having a beer or showering, so I figured it was time for a new "test" and it coincidently fell congruently with New Years. This means when I make plans, or hear of some thing I want to do, or if I want to go somewhere, or come up with a brilliant idea, I will stick to my guns and follow through. So far I've already gone ice skating (alone - which really isn't as sad as it sounds) and paint balling (which is totally as painful as it sounds). This weekend, I'm planning on going to the Icecapades - because really - there's nothing better than grownups ice skating in Disney costumes (especially since I've given up on grown men who make a mockery of the ice in blue, white & orange jerseys).

Anyway, Happy New Year. Hope you had a good one. Break was nice. I got really used to waking up around 2 and watching The OC till 5. Ahhh The Good Life. Other then the activities previously listed and a few other things here & there, I caught up on some movies: Tropic Thunder (SO BAD), PS I Love You (SO SAD), I Am Legend (eh), Seven Pounds (another tear jerker that kinda made me feel bad about my life), and Yes Man (not Jim Carrey's best work, but it was better than the Truman Show). It felt nice to be back at work today. I caught a glimpse of the new AP which has a picture of We The Kings I took in it. (i took the little pic at the bottom left corner, too!)
Here's the same pic, reworked a little bit:

Enjoy(?) some more pics from my land camera.
It was so cold at the beach, my film cracked. ehhhllll.

Dear Sugardaddy,
Please buy me this camera. If you'd like to throw in the digital format back, i won't object ;0)
Love you forever.
xxoo, ash

I'll teach you how to jump on the wind's back, and then away we go.

2008-12-31T02:09:00.011-05:00

It's 2something in the morning and I'm watching Peter Pan for the second time this week. I get into this pa(n)ttern every few months where I watch Peter Pan, in one form or another, at least once a week. I'm usually partial to the live one they put out around 2005, or Hook....tonight it's the Disney version. When I was a little lass, I wanted to be Pan's trusty sidekick, Tink. I wanted to be the girl he went on adventures with, who fought by his side. Now that I'm an old wretched semi-adult, I'm kinda partial to the Wendy-lady. As much as Peter loves Tinkerbell, she's not the one who got the acorn. I want the acorn. If only there was a way to be both. Did that make sense?? I babble when I'm sleepy.

Anyway, Saturday I went on a roadtrip with Uncle Hitt & Co. We hopped in his little Sentra and drove up to see Four Year Strong at The Palladium in Worcester. It was nuts. Kids in the pit were going crazy and there were at least 50 people watching from the stage. As an added bonus, I got to see my favorite Boston Bitches. Horrah!

Today, Vipes & I went to the Guggenheim. It was so inspiring. To be this close from the brush strokes in a Van Gogh or Renoir is super trippy. I just kinda stared at most of the paintings in awe. Seeing every little line and imagining what the painter was thinking about when he created a specific piece, and then where it is today, makes all the little wheels in my brain spin in my brain like The Scrambler.

Here's to 2009.
Happy Hogmanay
<3

I want to start paying it forward

2008-12-30T02:44:00.003-05:00

She is a silly heart!

2008-12-26T20:04:00.008-05:00

I'm watching that documentary on Shiloh Pepin, the mermaid girl, again. I don't know why i love it so much. She reminds me of a nicer, smaller, funnier version of Roseanne. My favorite quote of hers tonight is "I've always wanted a boyfriend of my very own. I've met lots of guys. So in the future, i might be a dating person." I hear ya girlfriend. If you get a chance, you need to watch this. Next up on TLC: "A Life Half Full". It's about people that are born with out lower extremities and the title alone sounds promising. SCORE!

Tonight I met up with Amy for some reunion tea, because that's what we do when she comes back home. We order coffee & tea, set up shop in Dunkin' Donuts and talk for hours & hours, because that flame broiled Burger King smell is so hard to get out of your clothes. Amy's my best friend from high school. We've known each other since we were in middle school, but back then, my only friends were beanie babies and my cat because i was innocent little girl who collected colored pens. That was until she corrupted me. I remember asking Amy why she didn't participate in gym one sunny day when we were in 7th grade. She bluntly told me she was on the rag and my jaw almost fell off my face. When i was younger, i didn't talk about sluffing or use curse words and i boycotted American Pie. After that answer, Amy & I didn't talk for a while. I was scared of her. She was headed down a path with the "cool" kids that smoked after school and copied each others homework. I wanted no part of that life! I was pure and enjoyed the TGIF lineup! Then, in 9th grade, after most of the kids had left our middle school (we had the option to stay for 9th or go to the high school), and i ditched all my Winnie The Pooh clothing, me & Amy found ourselves hanging out more and more. Sure there were times when she was rotten...like that time she was supposed to come over after school but wouldn't get off the bus with me. Or the time she blamed me for the breakup between her & her boyfriend because i "made" her go see Moulin Rouge! But, we came to be best friends. Amy taught me how to come out of my shell and is partly responsible for my potty mouth and sense of humor. She's the only one i've ever spent an hour laughing about the word "supervisor" with. Sober.

I was looking at pictures i took & developed when i was in college the other day. I miss developing my own film so much. Being in the darkroom and seeing my pictures pop up out of nowhere was really, as lame as it sounds, special. I took this first picture of Russ, junior year for a natural light portrait project. He's so handsome, black eye & all!

Since i don't have a darkroom, I've been trying to use my Polaroid Land Camera more often. It's not exactly the same, but there's still that element of anticipation to see if your picture's going to turn out. I especially love the series 3 pictures down. I went to the Planting Fields with parents today and got some shots in. Sorry if this isn't the most exciting post...but this stuff makes me happy.
Hope you all had an awesome Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa.
<3

Tuna - In reference to your cross country drive idea...can i come too?? imagine the muxtape!

Is this the airport, Clark?

2008-12-24T00:47:00.006-05:00

I think it's Tuesday? This is what happens when i don't have to wake up for work....i lose all concept of date & time.
Take a look at what my day looked like:
12:30 - Wake up
12:32 - Check my phone
12:42 - Go downstairs and pour myself a bowl of Cap'n Crunch
12:43 - Sit on the couch, open the paper and watch a documentary on Christian Hosoi with Dad
2:30 - Go upstairs and decide i should get a start on my day. Instead, i listen to Bing Crosby's Mele Kalikimaka 8 times in a row, download some Elvis Christmas songs, talk to Trae & Shana and procrastinate
3:15 - Change out of my pjs & ask Dad to pull my car out of the driveway bc i was so unsuccessful yesterday. Can't wait to bring little Leo Hamburger to the shop tomorrow!
3:27 - Try & go to CVS but the parking lot's too full
3:35 - Get to Staples
3:55 - Arrive home & finish all my gift wrapping
4:42 - Go downstairs and watch 4 hours of documentaries on different photographers. I think the piece on Timothy Greenfield-Sanders was my fave
6:00 - Decide I want to go to the Islander game
6:15 - Pout bc no one will go. It's fine - they lost anyway
7:54 - Feel inspired and go take these pictures

10:00 - Flip between The Office, Cash Cab & Vh1's 100 greatest songs of the 90's while hanging with Mom & Shannon
12:00 - Come upstairs to charge my laptop, edit pics & pop in Christmas Vacation
1:16 AM - Post blog

Merry Christmas Eve!

For The Love Of God, Will Someone PLEASE Bring Me Some Cold Medicine?

2008-12-19T00:01:00.000-05:00

About Me:

i feel less stuffy w/tissues in my nose
i'm more likely to accidentally step in puddles when i'm wearing my sneakers
i do not make my bed and enjoy sheets meant for an 8 year old
i sometimes pick my clothes out the night before

Not included in pictures:

i will ruin my manicure within an hour of getting it
i stay up way past my bedtime & when i finally turn off the lights can't fall asleep
i bruise like a piece of fruit
i'm thirsty

Dear ConEd, It's late & I want to go to bed, you should too

2008-12-18T00:13:00.005-05:00

So, please pack up your shit from outside my window and leave so i can catch some ZzZzZ's.
Thanks!
Forever your girl,
Ashley Cook

Ugh! i have the sickness. oh wa ah ah ah. I am not enjoying it. This is the second year in a row i'll be sick on the last day of work. If this messes up my plans to hang w/Big Tuna or go paintballing, i will be p.o'd to the nth degree.

this is all you're getting tonight.
on the left: a picture i took in 1992 with some fancy shmancy party film i'm guessing i got on christmas morning. Pictured from L - R are Uncle Stew, Mom, Shannon, Nana & Robert.
Was this the year i got magic nursery babies (I wanted twins so baddd)? Or twas it the year i got Baby Alive?

on the right: a picture i took in 2008. no cool film has been received as of yet.

in both: the same curtains.

I Don't Want A Lot For Christmas, I Won't Even Wish For Snow

2008-12-15T23:07:00.009-05:00

Today around 3:30 the whole entire office took a field trip to Washington Square Park. FOB was set to do a mini guerrilla style performance. More & more kids started to show up & the air began to get thick with anticipation. While we waited for FOB, miss erica dagley & madam perry helped me figure out why dudes shirts have buttons on the wrong side. It's something that has perplexed me for years. Now I know the answer. Anyway, the fall out kids finally showed, but unfortunately, plans were cut short thanks to the fine men in blue who keep this city safe from rogue performers.
As we headed back to the office, I got to be the keeper of the megaphone that we had purchased for today's event. Because it wasn't used in the park, we decided to pop its cherry & bother as many people as we could on our return trip to the factory.

Ant started screaming "its not that warm out" to people with out jackets and I let people know where they could find christmas trees. I felt giddy & drunk with power. That's when Lullo, who was walking ahead of us & carrying a guitar, smacked a beagle in its poor little face. Cue me laughing so hard I almost pee me pants (similar to the situation last night when I got body checked in a cross walk, after a lil kid screamed "OOOOPS! I farted!"). I have poor bladder control. In fact, I've actually been banned from Denny's in Oneonta bc of an "incident". Reason #27 why I don't have a boyfriend.

But back to the megaphone. I will become super annoying & overuse said megaphone if it stays in my possession. Pleasedon'ttakeitaway.

When I returned to my desk, I found a glorious ziplock bag filled with delicious Hugs. Sean R. (Is that your middle initial?) Gould did the sweetest thing ever. You see, last week him & I had a long conversation about Hugs Vs. Kisses, (Hershey Style) and I told him that I preferred the Hugs (ain't that the truth). This lead to a whole other conversation about how white chocolate isn't really chocolate at all. I still don't know whether to believe this or not. Regardless, Hugs are scrumptious & that was one of the nicest things anybody has ever done for me!

This is what i did when i got home tonight. We put on some Christmas tunes and started decorating the tree. I feel i've captured my father pretty well here: concentrating super hard & placing tinsel, strand by strand, on select branches. Another one of my favorite ornaments: I got this in Disney World, on the first vacation i ever took with out my family. I will never forget the plane ride home when we got in trouble for being too loud & i was pissed i missed the episode of The O.C where Luke's dad came out of the closet. This was way before JetBlue let you watch tv, DVRs & some fancy shmancy machine called TiVo were invented, and it'd been too long for people to remember how to tape directly to VHS. I've still yet to see this episode and, not gonna lie, i'm still a bit upset.

Is that a polar bear directing traffic down there?

2008-12-15T00:26:00.006-05:00

How many entires have i started off complaining about my stomach? I am a glutton for punishment. Oh, whoa is me. Tonight we went for a lovely Wormer dinner (sans Rocks, enter sad face here) at The Heartland Brewery. I caved when i saw how delicious things looked on the menu. Burgers! Buffalo Chicken Spring Rolls stuffed with Blue Cheese! Beer! Ice Cream! I didn't care the pain it would cause me later, i wanted it alllllll. Fast forward 5 hours and I want to barf over every single Christmas decoration that's in my house. Self Control Fail.

Other than the gurgling in my tum tum, Wormer dinner was absolutely, posatootly, lovely. We walked up to 30 Rock to see the Tree, the windows at Lord & Taylor & Saks and the snowflake light show.
Once we were done pushing our way through the masses, we crossed the street and went over to St. Patrick's Cathedral and lit some candles.
I came home and watched a couple hours of fine programing on TLC, with Mom. I got to see that great documentary on Shiloh Pepin, the mermaid girl, again. I want to take little Shiloh under my wing and play older sister to her. My favorite quote of hers and new words to live by are "I can be anything i want when i grow up. I can be an actress, I can be a princess....I can be anything, there's just so much to choose from." You are so right, Shiloh. So right.

Also this weekend, we headed back to the Crazy Donkey for the first time since 2006, on Friday. When coworkers asked me what my plans were for the evening, and i told them where i was going, they'd ask "Who's playing?" To which i replied "oh no no...we're going for a friends sister's 21st bday." That's when I started seeing a lot of confusion on the faces of mis compadres. If you are unaware, as soon as we all turned 21, the girls & i would go to the Donkey on a weekly basis. Never ever will i forget the time we showed up on Harley Davidson night. We were the only ones not dressed in black leather, but figured since we were out, we'd try to make the best of it. Ali took it to the next level after we met a couple of dudes (one of which told me probably the most inappropriate joke i have ever been told in my entire life, beginning with the question "How much skin does it take to cover your vagina?") and made out with a fine young man, sporting a Jack Daniels mesh hat, named Mickey. EHHLLLLLL. You can only imagine what goes through my head whenever Toni Basil's one hit begins to play anywhere. I think that was probably the night we realized we could no longer hang out there and hung up our disco shoes. Friday turned out to be a blasty blast though, and i have every intention to return somewhat soon.

Dad & I Put up the Christmas lights up on Saturday. This is my favorite holiday tradition bc it's the one activity me & dad do together, aside from watching the Sci-Fi Channel. I love it, even if he tells me over and over again, every year, "Only 3 strands per extension cord." You'd think he'd know that i got it by now. I decided to rebel and plugged 4 sets of lights together somewhere along the way. =0/ Here's hoping the house doesn't explode.

ok that's it, but i leave you with this...What the F happened to Judy from The Santa Clause? Does anyone know? If i was Michael K and this was dlisted.com, Judy would be named Hot Slut Of The Week. I always wanted to try her hot chocolate. That mug that she served it in looked so fancy & shit.

The rain outside my window sounds like a kindergarten dance recital

2008-12-12T01:18:00.002-05:00

I'm getting better at regular postings again, eh? don't jinx it.

First off, we need to talk about this. Why don't i have a poodle masquerading as a teenage mutant ninja turtle??? Being able to groom a poodle in to a chicken is probably the only reason why i would get a poodle. Never been a big fan of the breed - especially since i saw Look Who's Talking Now...shit creeped a bitch out!
Speaking of being creeped out...
1. the curious case of benjamin button - ehhllll
and
2. what's with this Gamestop commercial where a mom is wrapping up a zombie? If you were unaware, zombies are my biggest fear in life. I've had reoccurring nightmares about them since i was 17. Homegirl needs a warning before they pop up on my tv! most importantly late at night!

Today i was minding my own business, just sitting at my desk, eating my pita chips when Doug asked "What are you eating?"
"Some delicious Pita Chips, Doug" I replied
"Oh. How many do you have left?" he asked
That's when, being the nice friend and coworker i am, i handed my bag over to Doug so he could have some chips.
He handed the bag back to me & i looked inside to see how many he had taken. Well, Doug didn't take any Pita Chips....he just SMUSHED THEM ALL till that was left were crumbs and said "now you won't chew as loud" and i had to throw the rest of the bag out.
Now, i'm sorry, but Pita Chips are CRUNCHY. Pita Chips are HARD. There is no way to chew them quietly. All i'm sayin is, Doug - you better sleep with one eye open from now on. You don't mess with a chubby kids chips.

Here are your pics. A couple old ones again. First is of Timberly from the Gym Class show back in October? And the second is the view from our window at work. Take them in & enjoy them like the smell of freshly baked cupcakes.

PS - can someone please buy me english lessons? Maybe "Writing For Dummies"? I feel like it'll help everyone out in the long run.

Detox Just To Retox

2008-12-11T00:09:00.005-05:00

i was looking through old pictures to post bc i haven't taken any in a couple weeks. Well, that's a lie, i've taken a few band shots but i'm not in the mood to post them now. The first pic was taken in my garden last May.
Fact: i enjoy shooting inanimate objects 100% more than portraits. I think it's bc you never have to worry about a flower looking unattractive. Mother Nature would never let that happen. Sometimes taking portraits can get super awkward. Being up in someones face, invading their personal space can get le strange, so I try and make my subjects laugh. Today when i was photographing Dan in my office, i tried to relax him by telling him the "What's the difference between Jelly and Jam?" joke. (answer - i can't jelly my dick in your mouth. Thanks for that one Leah) He did not laugh and this was when i realized "maybe that was super inappropriate and should only be told at bars". Perhaps I'll have to take out a new joke book for my next session.

Then i found this picture. It was taken the night we graduated college and makes me smile like a dope to this day. I don't remember much from graduation weekend - success? I remember the boys finding my bra and making the aim face, taking sweaty mexican shots, trying to balance a bottle of vodka on our noses, mimosa's, a certain 2 people making out on an E golf gaming machine at the OST and someone not making it to the bar at all. I remember running into Moody at dinner and you calling his girlfriend the night before, singing her a kelly clarkson song and then telling her not to call his phone again that night. And I remember running in to the kitchen to take this picture, how long it took us to get ready that morning and trying to get our hair just right under those stupid stupid caps. I remember the blisters that my red heels left on my feet and repeating "please don't fall. please don't fall. please don't fall." over and over again on the way to get my diploma. But more importantly i will always remember how much each one of you meant to me then (and now). I don't care if you told me i was "like an orange missing a slice", puked on our apartment floor and ruined the shopvac bc you lost your tolerance, or how many times you tried to kill my beloved Mutsy, a day doesn't go by where i don't miss spending morning, noon & night with you guys.

It's always sunny in philadelphia

2008-12-10T00:34:00.012-05:00

I ventured in to a little store in Philly when I was there last month and fell in love with all the stuff on the wall. There were tons of super cool dia de la muerte chachki's everywhere. I wanted to scoop them all up, but i'm poor, so the only thing that made it out of the store with me was this photo.

This would be last years decorated xmas tree...2008's will be 7 times better. I like our tree bc it's eclectic. There are tons of ornaments from all different times & places hanging from it, like a 7-8 foot tall scrapbook. My favorite piece to stick on the tree is this big ball from 1985 which has all the Muppets on it, that i've claimed as my own. Up until a few years ago, whenever we did the tree, Shannon would complain that there were no "baby's first christmas" ornaments for her and that she needed therapy bc everyone loved me more than her because i was the first born and had 6. So back in 2005, I decided I had had it up to here with all her whining and put "Operation Baby's First Christmas" in to action. This entailed emailing everyone in my family and having them buy and send her an ornament to open on Christmas morning. The look on her face was priceless when she figured out what was going on (especially when she opened mine - i bought her a little black baby boy sleeping in a swan ornament) and it made decorating the tree in 06 a much more pleasant experience.

edit: here's the Muppet ball & Shannon & her favorite ornament.

Table For Glasses

2008-12-06T17:27:00.001-05:00

oh hello. long time no speak. sorry?

Hope you all had a mah-velous thanksgiving. mine was surprisingly a-ok. I was actually kind of dreading this turkey day. You see, with the exception of Christmas, my family really hasn't celebrated a holiday since my Nana died on new years eve in 2002 - which is actually one of my favorite stories to tell because it makes people feel super weird, and that is why I'll recount it for you right now.
It was my senior year of high school, she was 91 and had been battling a cold when my grandmothers health started to fritz out like a poodle with out it's Prozac. New Years Eve day I had been running around getting stuff together bc i'd be having a small get together later that night. I remember walking into the house after picking up some balloons when i saw that Nana wasn't lookin so good. Picture Britney Spears after the whole umbrella incident but old and not bald, and probably paler.
"I'm going to cancel this shindig" i said.
"No, No, No! I"ll be fine" said my grandmother as she sipped on some Brandy.
So, i did what any 17 year old would do - respected her wishes & threw a party (not a huge one - just a couple close friends). The night went on according to plan for the most part. The ball dropped. We popped confetti poppers & sang Ole Langs Syne...and then Nana died. With all my friends in the house. Talk about an awkward situation. I had to go back into the living room and be like "uhh guys....i'm really sorry to cut the night short....but uhhh...my grandmother just died....so you guys are gonna have to go". I swear to God I'm not some cold hearted bitch. I miss Nana a lot, i've just had a long time to think about the perplexity of it all and quirky humor is how i deal with things. so there.

Anyway one or both of my parents have worked pretty much every year since then, so on holidays good friends took me in like little orphan Annie or i'd make some mac & cheese and watch tv like Kevin in Home Alone (which i'm perfectly happy to do bc i don't even particularly care for turkey). This year Mom & Dad had the day off so we were invited to Aunt Carolyn's. This made me happy & sad. Happy bc i'd get to be in the Hamptons house. Sad, because, well, i'm not the closest with that side of the family. I usually sit at a table and try to avoid all the little kids questions (i.e - "why do you have stamps on your feet?!"/"why don't you have a boyfriend?"/"why am i so much cooler than you??") until my brother shows up or something happens to distract them. However, when we got there, we found out that my aunt's best friend's entire family would be attending dinner, not mine. "Hmm, this could be interesting" I thought to myself. And man was I right. I spent most of the day talking to the Linda's grandson about music, photography and his future at Oneonta and two younger girls about Twilight. BEST THANKSGIVING EVER. By 5:00 my mom had gotten sloshed and from about 5:30 till we pulled in to the driveway at home around 7:45, she asked "Where did Janice & Ron go" every 20 minutes. Nice.

i got home & headed back out to see 2 of my favorite Danny's later in the evening, which made things even better. if you've learned anything about me from this blog, you should know that i love my friends. I especially love getting to see ones that i haven't in a while (ESPECIALLY WHEN VAL COMES TO QUEENS), which is why the rest of this week was pretty awesome too. Wednesday night, after causing quite a stir between all the scalpers at MSG, one of them asking for my number & locking myself in the bank, I got to hang with Dustin & Matt @ the Penguin game. I don't think I've seen my bff Dustin Baker since my birthday, so a Cook/Baker reunion put a huge smile on my face. So did going to Tracks after the game. My hangover the next morning did not. How i woke up with branches in my hair & something stuck in my eye, i'll never know.... Thursday night i went to Rob Hitt's surprise birthday party. i SWORE i wouldn't drink again, but i have a really hard time turning down margaritas. Oops! I came home and was this close to having my mom take my to the ER bc my eye was all jacked up & swollen. I braved it though, and thankfully i woke up yesterday morning with my vision restored. HALLELUJAH! thank you little baby jesus.

Oh! also got the blackberry bold bc my poor little curve stopped scrolling down. I like it. It's super bright & now i can watch the Mother's Day & Cunningham Muffins videos whenever i want

We got the Cook Christmas tree today. After seeing only 3 trees, we found this years. I believe it's the quickest we've ever found one. This bitch is excited as hale to decorate it.

In other news, this a long convo i had with my friend Trae (who i miss very very much) while she was tutoring the other day. It's still making me LOL.

Ash (3:46:22 PM): ya know who i really like together?

Ash (3:46:27 PM): jim carey & jenny mccarthy

Traebo(3:47:19 PM): jim carey can be annoying like he does all the same humor... but i don't mind them.. i would invite them to my dinner party

Ash (3:48:53 PM): who else would you invite?

Traebo (3:49:42 PM): u?

Traebo (3:49:45 PM): lol

Ash (3:50:00 PM): aw that's be fun

Ash (3:50:28 PM): you know who i'd invite?

Ash (3:50:33 PM): i'd invite Rob Pattinson

Ash (3:50:39 PM): and then i'd invite him to my vagina

Traebo (3:51:05 PM): is that twight guy

Ash (3:51:10 PM): yes

Traebo (3:51:11 PM): alright u want to play seriosu on this dinner party

Ash (3:51:16 PM): yea

Traebo (3:51:28 PM): okay couples only or singles

Traebo (3:51:35 PM): or combo

Ash (3:52:52 PM): doens't matter

Ash (3:52:54 PM): who ever you like

Ash (3:53:06 PM): and on that note, i'd invite T.I....but not his shawytee

Traebo (3:53:19 PM): singles: steven colbert (b.c. he makes me laugh) obama (curious what his solution is) heidi klum and seal as my couple, ellen because she makes me laugh, chris rock because he likes obama and wnats to befriend him and rhianna to preform.

Traebo (3:53:36 PM): and maybe the guy who ownes baby fat cb/c he is jsut intersing

Traebo (3:53:37 PM): simmons

Ash (3:53:38 PM): oh that sounds like a nice dinner party

Traebo (3:53:40 PM): whats his first name

Ash (3:53:42 PM): russel

Traebo (3:53:42 PM): russel

Traebo (3:53:51 PM): and my dinner date woudl be

Ash (3:54:46 PM): would beeeeeeee

Traebo (3:55:05 PM): tough... if he wasn't married def steve carrelle

Traebo (3:55:18 PM): but that fact that he's married doesn' tmake him all hot and sexy and makes me want him

Traebo (3:55:22 PM): so i have to have a single guy

Traebo (3:55:26 PM): anddddd

Ash (3:55:34 PM): hmm true. i can see that

Traebo (3:55:42 PM): i do like that TI song with rhianna... but he doens't make me feel all warm and fuzzy

Traebo (3:55:53 PM): and i do liek russel crowe... but he has anger managments problems

Ash (3:56:08 PM): he'd smash the soup dish

Traebo (3:56:25 PM): i do like adian from sex and city and the role he played in my big fat greek wedding

Ash (3:56:29 PM): which

Traebo (3:56:31 PM): but i di'nt know his status

Ash (3:56:41 PM): i think he's married to bo derek & kinda douche

Traebo (3:56:41 PM): Joaquin Phoneix?

Ash (3:56:49 PM): even though he's taking crazy pills?

Traebo (3:57:14 PM): man this is hard

Traebo (3:57:18 PM): i need a list

Ash (3:57:20 PM): it's official

Traebo (3:57:20 PM): where do i find a list

Ash (3:57:29 PM): there are no eligible bachelors in hollywood

Ash (3:57:34 PM): people.com?

Ash (3:57:37 PM): google?

Traebo (3:59:05 PM): i liked prince william till he started going bald

Ash (3:59:14 PM): ehlllllll

Ash (3:59:15 PM): awkward

Traebo (3:59:35 PM): william and harry

Traebo (3:59:38 PM): not teh father

Traebo (3:59:39 PM): the sons

Ash (3:59:43 PM): i'd choose the ginger over the baldy

Traebo (3:59:50 PM): who wasn't 13 and didnt' have a crush on them

Traebo (3:59:51 PM): lol

Traebo (3:59:53 PM): ginger

Traebo (4:00:34 PM): i kind of liek ron from HP

Ash (4:00:42 PM): oh super ginge.

Ash (4:00:53 PM): i think i'd take Rpattz as my date

Traebo (4:02:01 PM): i think the lead singer to o.a.r has a sexy voice

Ashes (4:02:04 PM): and i'd invite obama, anddd Amy Sedaris...maybe her brother bc that could get interesting, perhaps the dude that wrote He's Just Not That Into You, Paul McCartney

Traebo (4:02:15 PM): wow i'm disapointed i can't get a date for my dinner party

Ash (4:02:18 PM): oooh &he'd love you faster then the devil

Traebo (4:02:28 PM): where are the single celebrity men

Ash (4:02:29 PM): what about Ryan Renolds? he's married to ScarJo now though

Ash (4:02:41 PM): Adrien Granier...you could win our bet

Traebo (4:02:51 PM): LOL

Traebo (4:03:11 PM): he's cute.. and entourage had a good season.. but i'm not all warm and fuzzy yet

Ash (4:03:17 PM): what about turtle?

Ash (4:03:22 PM): or OH!

Ash (4:03:29 PM): Bill from True Blood? he's divorced

Traebo (4:03:32 PM): bravo?

Traebo (4:03:37 PM): have no idea who that is

Traebo (4:03:40 PM): i'll ggoogle him

Ash (4:03:42 PM): ok

Traebo (4:04:06 PM): ewww vampires freak me out

Traebo (4:04:08 PM): wait

Traebo (4:04:10 PM): i figure it eout

Ash (4:04:16 PM): haha

Ash (4:04:17 PM): ok

Traebo41 (4:04:18 PM): Sirrus from harry potter. a were wolf

Ash (4:04:21 PM): OH!

Ash (4:04:24 PM): Gary Oldman

Traebo (4:04:24 PM): sirrus was hot

Ash (4:04:25 PM): wow

Ash (4:04:33 PM): you don't think he's a little old?

Traebo (4:04:39 PM): i just totallky laughted outloud

Traebo (4:04:44 PM): my poor tutoree is liek wtf

Traebo (4:04:46 PM): gary oldman

Ash (4:04:47 PM): hahahaha

Ash (4:04:54 PM): hahahahah

Ash (4:05:06 PM): that's not his name is it?

Traebo (4:05:15 PM): his name is jon

Ash (4:05:18 PM): no it's not!

Traebo (4:05:26 PM): yes it is

Ash (4:05:27 PM): it's the same dude that was in batman

Traebo (4:05:50 PM): oh i thoguth u meant my tutoree

Traebo (4:05:51 PM): lol

Traebo (4:05:52 PM): oh man

Traebo (4:05:58 PM): now i'm really getting werid looks

Ash (4:05:58 PM): haha no

Ash (4:06:01 PM): hahahaha

Traebo (4:06:02 PM): sirrus was in batman?

Ash (4:06:16 PM): yea

Ash (4:06:30 PM): http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000198/

Traebo (4:06:32 PM): which one and as who

Ash (4:06:37 PM): the cop

Ash (4:06:41 PM): dark night

Ash (4:07:04 PM): well, he'll be able to chat w/Rpattz then...that'll be good for double dating. Robert played Cedric

Traebo (4:07:24 PM): WAIT

Traebo (4:07:27 PM): SIRRUS

Traebo (4:07:29 PM): SIRRUS BLACK

Traebo (4:07:32 PM): IS GARY OLDMAN?

Ash (4:07:38 PM): yes

Ash (4:08:27 PM): that's why i was like weowwww

Traebo (4:08:47 PM): I THINK I'LL GO TO MY OWN PARTY ALONE

Ash (4:08:54 PM): hahahahaha

Ash (4:09:02 PM): why?

Ash (4:09:04 PM): he's a nice guy

Traebo (4:09:08 PM): okay can i have it be the fictionay character sirrus

Ash (4:09:11 PM): ya know who i could see you with actually?

Traebo (4:09:17 PM): and not the actor who plays sirrus

Traebo (4:09:18 PM): gary

Traebo (4:09:19 PM): lol

Ash (4:09:20 PM): yea, but i dont' want cedric digery. i want rpattz

Traebo (4:09:22 PM): i can't stop laughing

Ash (4:09:25 PM): gary's such an awkward name

Ash (4:09:27 PM): garrrrrrrrry

Traebo (4:09:32 PM): ting

Ash (4:09:33 PM): you could call him gary indiana

Ash (4:09:35 PM): OMG

Ash (4:09:40 PM): owes me a goddamn coke mirror

Traebo (4:09:42 PM): coke plate

Traebo (4:09:44 PM): hey

Traebo (4:09:49 PM): who u seeing me with

Ash (4:09:56 PM): and hitting on val's mom

Ash (4:09:57 PM): hahahaha

Ash (4:10:02 PM): daniel day lewis

Traebo (4:10:30 PM): he was a butcher in that one movie

Ash (4:10:34 PM): gangs of ny

Ash (4:10:35 PM): yes

Traebo (4:10:36 PM): i do like me some pork

Ash (4:10:41 PM): that's what she said

Traebo (4:10:42 PM): he's kind of old

Ash (4:10:53 PM): well i thought you were going w/old after Gary

Traebo (4:10:55 PM): daniel day lewis

Traebo (4:10:57 PM): really

Traebo (4:11:03 PM): wow

Ash (4:11:11 PM): haha

Traebo (4:11:14 PM): fine,,, u know who ur blind day is with

Ash (4:11:16 PM): i just snorted & someone asked if i was ok

Ash (4:11:21 PM): hahaha no who?

Traebo (4:11:38 PM): gary colman... which is who i orgianlly thought gary oldman was

Ash (4:11:48 PM): hahahaha

Ash (4:11:50 PM): omg

Ash (4:11:52 PM): i'm crying

Traebo (4:12:16 PM): i'm laughint way to loud at the libary

Traebo (4:12:20 PM): i have to walk away for a few

Ash (4:12:22 PM): hahaha

Ash (4:12:23 PM): ok

Traebo (4:12:52 PM): i cant' stop laughing

Ash (4:14:18 PM): i can't believe you're setting me up w/gary colman

Ash (4:14:19 PM): however

Ash (4:14:30 PM): i would thankyou bc i'd be able to hang w/a midget

Ash (4:14:36 PM): so HA! jokes' on you my friend

Traebo (4:14:58 PM): ash i really cna't stop laughing

Traebo (4:15:08 PM): we might have to seiours talk

Traebo (4:15:11 PM): oh wait

Ash (4:15:11 PM): hahaha oh man. you're the worst tutor ever

Traebo (4:15:14 PM): i know my date

Traebo (4:15:21 PM): the guys from teh office that plays jim

Ash (4:15:24 PM): aww

Ash (4:15:26 PM): jim

Ash (4:15:28 PM): ok. that's cute

Ash (4:15:30 PM): oh wait

Traebo (4:15:31 PM): he was in leatherheads

Ash (4:15:34 PM): what about john mayer?

Traebo (4:15:47 PM): did u see him dress up like borat

Traebo (4:15:48 PM): gross

Ash (4:15:51 PM): i read that as "he has leather hands"

Traebo (4:16:14 PM): i still cant

Traebo (4:16:25 PM): get over how gary oldman is sirrus

Traebo (4:16:28 PM): sirrus was sexy

Traebo (4:16:33 PM): and not it such a let down

Traebo (4:17:00 PM): fuck james gordon

Ash (4:18:22 PM): hahaha

**editors note - we don't do coke and yes, i really like Rob Pattinson right now.

Here are some pics that have absolutely nothing to do w/anything. The plumber was here a couple weeks ago & took everything out of my closet. This was the first dress i put back in & really liked the way it looked.

The Summer Nights Are Dead

2008-11-20T16:24:00.004-05:00

craziest week ever.

monday i went to my friend Rae's bday party @ a cute lil bar on Waverly. I think i'd like to go back there and try a drink. They looked intense but bc i caught the plague, i opted not to have one and save my energy for the following night. sorry girl!
tuesday was 3OH!3. I got to have many a hoegaardens before cutting a rug @ the show, which made me a very happy girl. I love the first sip of a hoegaarden. It's like kissing a boyfriend after not seeing him for a few weeks. Anyway, I don't think I've bounced (like my pants had the hick ups) at a show like that since i was 17. I wish the Boston girls could have joined our dance party.
last night was TAI/WTK. Like 3OH!3, it was the first time i had seen these guys play since warped. That's where these pictures are from. I wasn't so fond of the smell of hotdogs Roseland had goin on, but it was nice to see lots of faces that had been away for so long.
tonight midnight showing of Twilight. I am either going to miserable bc i'm the oldest person in the theatre and i'm cranky bc i'm tired OR miserable bc i'm "bitter" and Smyers sucks...(pun intended?)
tomorrow night is the Islander/Devils game. The Devils are going down. And so is it Whit. Then he'll have to do something worse then drinking Fruit Punch & Cotton Candy. Any suggestions?
saturday is ETID & The Bronx. I'm going to punch someone in the face.
sunday i'm going to see the Radio City Christmas Show for the first time since I was like 12. I can't wait for them to bring that camel out on stage. That's my favorite part. That, and when the little snowmen ice skate. $10 says I cry.

Lots of other stuff has been happening too. Two long weeks ago, Shana & I went up to Boston to visit the lovely Laura, Aleena & Leah. So much fun. Piano Bar is insane and i finally got to see the holy grail of beerness - the Sam Adams Brewery. i bought the best gloves ever there - they have a special grip so i can still hold an ice cold beer but keep my hands all toasty & warm.

Also, Alan finally came back. He'd be gone since June so it was so so so so so nice to sit down and talk to him for a while. He made my heart smile.

As much as i'm kinda hate the cold (i feel i met my quota of harsh winters in college) i LOVE winter activities - ginger bread houses, ice skating, christmas, the whole shebang. Things i want to do this winter include, but are not limited to:

going to the Bronx Zoo during the holiday season - i've done this before & got my face painted w/a flock of zebras running across. it was theee coolest.
iceskating @ bryant park or south street seaport
put the christmas lights up with my dad
see the icecapades - it's going to be a good one this year
tailgate 20 billion hockey games
have a nice wormers afternoon

geekologie.com is probably my new favorite website.

2008-10-30T11:27:00.009-04:00

these photographs just made my day. There's a bunch in the photoset...i'd check em out if i were you.

Whoever made this may be as smart as Stephen Hawking.
the former biochem major in me reallllllly wants this coffee table for my future home. It's the periodic table with all the elements in it.

And this may be the coolest piece of recycled art i have ever seen.
Also, alex "you can't be a grownup Ashley, just go back to being a little kid" sarti just showed me Chinese Youtube. It's freakin awesome.

Dear Diary

2008-10-24T16:29:00.004-04:00

Seth Rogan is lookin my.tee.foine.
I'm stoked ashleycathulksmashes this weekend.
Oyster Fest was enjoyable...probs bc I got to have Dippin Dots - Ice Cream of the Future - annd bought some sweet rings.
Hookah bars in Astoria rule.

CMJ was not all it was cracked up to be this year.
Butch Walker is the new black.

I can't wait to win the costumes of the year with the wormers, and see lots of friends next week.
I will NOT get sick.

also, sup mixed signals?

Dear Ashleycook, when will you learn to not eat dairy?!

2008-10-14T22:45:00.000-04:00

Never. That is the answer. You are an asshole. I don't care (sayin I don't caaaaare - Folie A Duex out 12/16) how much you really like cheese and milk. Now your punishment is to sit here and feel terrible while your stomach makes funny noises, all because you're a dumb bitch who ate lobster bisque.

Went to a lovely dinner w/Uncle Stew & Melanie tonight. We went to Keen's Chop House. It's fun bc old smoking pipes line the ceiling - from Abe Lincoln's to Chuck Norris' - for serious - a real eclectic collection. It's not so fun bc i can't eat much on the menu. Anyway, I hadn't been to dinner w/them since before i left for tour and they let me do what i do best - talk - for most of the evening, so it was super nice. Plus they pay. Tonight was no different, we talked about tour and work and life and they say things i don't really agree with, so i just nod and smile...and then Melanie asked:
"sooo are you seeing anyone? dating around?".
No. I am not.
"but why? you should be. most normal people your age are. are you a lesbian in hiding?" (please keep in mind these are people who told me to "dress appropriately" tonight...yea, bc i'm gonna wear my "that's what she said" shirt to a 5 star restaurant - i like having an excuse to wear my cute outfits dumb dumbs).
ok...this is where i get upset.
1. why is it bc i'm not seeing anyone, i'm automatically all about the carpet? (not that there's anything wrong w/that. i love lesbians. i have lesbian friends. you go girls. i like the way you're livin. congrats on getting CT to recognize.)
2. why do i have to "go to a nice meal" with a boy that i'm not interested in? That's just using someone and waisting their time. Wanna buy me a hoegaarden at the bar? That's great! Thanks dude! But if i'm not interested in you, i will walk over to my friends immediately after and try to avoid you by playing naked lady photohunt. If you can't tell, i'm not really into that or spending time with people i don't particularly care for. please see point 3.
3. I have really really great friends i like spending time with. Why can't i be happy going on "dates" with my girlfriends? Of course, i would love to have a boy that i could do fun things with. I have great date ideas. It would be even better if that boy fit in with my close group of friends and spoke our language (look at the ducks, donkey!) and got it, but if i can't, i'm not going to cry about it. whimper & whine maybe, but cry? nah.

But it also makes me wonder...how does one respond to this question? I've been asked before and i can't decide what's worse. When dudes you like ask the question - bc you really wanna scream the answer "bc you're being stupid and won't pick me"??? Or when your 7 year old cousin asks at easter dinner, in front of your entire family, and you're put on the spot and have to try to break it down & explain. in their language. in front of everyone eating their easter ham. I'm not sure....maybe i'll just tell the next person "i'm single because i'm ashleycat."

Anywayyyyy in other news...went to this with Gaby, Rocks & TTN on Sunday night. I heart Banksy. I never thought i'd get to see any of his work, so it was kind of a big deal. It was pretty sweet. Here are some pics:
Also this past weekend: saw the Islanders lose to the Devils 2 -1. Way to kick off the season kids. Really rode in on the failboat nicely.
Had an ohnoashleycattothemax night out on bell after the game, followed by White Castle belly bombs, shana falling off chairs and walking in the house as my dad was walking out for work. way to go team.

Saturday i brought sassy back with Cobra @ Nokia. It was gabe's bday and it was soooo nice to see 2 of my favorite Dans.

thats all i gots.

Poll: Have i been writing about drinking too much? The ads down at the bottom today were "how to beat your DUI charge" & "need rehab?". eek.

sorry i'm late, i was out spoiling my liver.

2008-10-06T22:43:00.006-04:00

well that title up there i guess sums it all up.
the past couple weeks have been epic. and by epic, i mean "full of beer". and really happy things.

A couple Thursdays ago, TTN (shana) & I went to go see FYS @ The Donkey. I hadn't seen the dudes since we said adios @ Warped, so it was super fun to get to see them. Dan finally let me braid his beard & i gave Josh a haircut. so fancy. After hours of trying to find cheese fries on Long Island, we finally gave up and settled for Taco Bell. I had that new volcano taco - yikes, bad choice ashleycook. you know better.

The next night TTN & I picked up Party Bucket (jamie), stopped at 7/11 to get all the food we'd need for the next 2 days, and drove out to the hamptons. it felt so so so good to be back in the house. We had been locked out since March thanks to the squatters that ruined my summer, but it was like nothing had changed. We went right up to "our room", put our stuff on our respective beds and went back down to the kitchen & cracked open some cold ones. After talking and drinking for a while we decided to try and watch the Strangers With Candy movie. (i'm not sure if i've ever professed my love for Amy Sedaris or that the best compliment i have ever received was when Big Tuna said i was like "an unexaggerated version" of her, but yea i think she's amazing.) Anywho, we fell asleep shortly there after... BTW - opened my OHB that i got at Bluepoint...that shit was gross! i had to hold my nose to try & drink it. not what i call fun.
The next morning we woke up - Im Upppppp - when i heard the gravel crunch under my parents car and Jamie scream "OMG I LEFT MY SEX LIST DOWNSTAIRS AND YOUR FATHERS NAME IS ON IT". As soon as my parents walked in the door, my dad was all "i'm bored. i'd rather watch tv from my chair at home, lets go back hun". So after an hour drive in the pouring rain, they put the dog back in the car and left again. This seemed like a perfect opportunity for a nap, so Jamie went to go get a mani/pedi and Shana & I took a 4 hour nap on the couch. I woke up around 5 and wondered how i could have fallen asleep for that long, went to the fridge & started drinking. Jamie got back and we decided to play a rousing game of Scrabble on the deck. I think i won?
After ordering some Chinese food and watching "What Happens In Vegas" (cute but predictable), we decided we should go out. Cut to the part where we got dropped off outside a bar that had just 5 people in it, we decided to walk down to the most lit/populated watering hole. Just so happens, The Patio, is also what i think may be a 40 & over swingers bar. The 3 of us were just sittin in our booth, mindin our business, watchin Lost on tv, enjoyin some Pinot & Lobster ale, when all of a sudden, all these old people started making out! it was the oddest thing, i tell ya. Last call comes, we call a cab and go to the bank to wait for it. 45 minutes and lots of cartwheels later, the cab has still not arrived. This is when the bartender from The Patio drives by and is like "you guys are still here? C'mmon, let me drive you home". This seems like our only option, so instead of standing outside in the fog, we agree. I mean, he's driving a Ford mini van & we're in the hamptons, it's safe, right? As we get in he goes "don't mind my sons soccer equipment". Oy vey. Of course it's safe. Our ride is going smoothly, i don't mind the cigar smoke at all, but then i look over, and homeboy's drinking a Corona while driving us home! i text jamie from the front seat "he's drinking & driving". she writes me back "we will be fine". WTF Party Bucket. We finally get home and attack the left overs/hop into the master bed and start pranking people. I'm going to have to say Rob Quinn was the most fun to annoy.

The rest of that following week was kinda b-a-n-a-n-a-s. my most favoritest peoples got to stay in NY for a couple days, so it was filled with fun dinners, lots of shots @ Barcelona Bar, an appearance at Trainwreck, board games and the magic that is Cypress Hill.
This past weekend, for the first time since St. Patties day, The Wormers (complete in color coordinating outfits) were reunited. It's kind of crazy to think back to that time the 5 of us were together every weekend, and how it took 7 months to get us all in the same place at the same time - 2 days in a row. it felt really nice. i hope it doesn't take another 7 months for that to happen again. forserious.
this weekend should be equally as nuts. Friday night me, vipes & co. will be heading to the Devils/Islanders game @ The Prudential Center. I think i may be the only one wearing an Islanders jersey and will probs get slashed. Then Saturday the Cobroh's will be in NY, which should be tons o fun.

until next time america...

there's more alcohol at my house then a liquor store

2008-09-21T01:54:00.005-04:00

this weekend may have been one of the best ones i've had in a long time.

when i got off the train Friday night i heard all the little kids screaming - the carnival's in town. it's so weird...i went to that carnival every year growing up and i have so many memories from it...like the time i went with michelle in 6th grade, right after we ate dinner, and she puked up spaghetti and clam sauce after we rode the Zipper. or that time when i wore liquid eyeliner for the first time and met up with that dude and found out he was back with his ex girlfriend. or all the nights we'd go to get zeppoli's and i was amazed by the lights....
anyway, there was madddd drama between all the 15 year olds. it's odd to see all these kids not really being kids and enjoying what carnivals are all about. instead it was like some twisted version of Lord of the Flies where the kids were just smoking, and kissing and fighting. i don't remember the carnival being like that when i was little. then again, i was naive and had only beanie babies as friends for most of my adolescence. at any rate, it put me in a good mood. i went home cracked open a 40 with Jamie, watched a little of Knocked Up and then headed out for a night of debauchery on Bell. When we got home at 4 am, we watched Knocked Up again. Saturday morning i woke up next to Jamie, looked on the floor and said "You son of a bitch. you had white castle last night?!". She then recapped some of the missing pieces of the night before and told me that she had offered me White Castle, but i had refused. Shana came over and hopped into bed with us, where we, you guessed it, watched Knocked Up yet again and laughed over and over again.
that was pretty much it. we were going to go out last night but jamie thought she had pink eye (it was only an allergic reaction to my cat - not from anyone farting on her pillows) and we went our separate ways. so i caught James Franco on SNL - he's so hot right now - and watched Across The Universe till i fell asleep.

and i leave you with an IM my friend Rocks just sent me:
"did I ever tell u about that time.....my friend _____'s mom walked out of the bathroom and she smelt really good...so I was like ____, what kinda perfume did u just use, I want it.....so she laughed and said summers eve...and showed be the bottle of vag spray hahahahahaaa"

Sam I Am

2008-09-19T18:58:00.003-04:00

the wonderful mr. sam hollander needed some pics taken for an upcoming spread in Juggs magazine (jk) and i got to take the pics.

in return, he bought us a lovely lunch at Shake Shack. i had a caramel milk shake, which i can safely assume tastes like God's armpit sweat - delicious. the quote of the day came from danielle
when she said that shake shack was "the best thing i have ever put in my body". that's what she said.

i don't want to be an old man anymore

2008-09-18T21:52:00.003-04:00

Ok so after a case of the sads/really bad PMS i had an epiphany while listening to "The Good Life" by Weezer last Saturday - how indie of me. i decided i had to leave my pity party (no matter how much cake was served) and couldn't lock myself in my room and stay in bed all day on the weekends anymore.

I had a lot of shit going on, got too focused on things i no longer had, how so many things changed in such a short period of time (i do not deal with change well - so sue a bitch) and was thinking about all the stuff i missed really bad, like:

the summer of 07 and how things used to be
my friends that have moved away and haven't seen in a long time
the hamptons
prank phone calls

and i realized that it's ok to miss things, but you can't dwell, because then you'll get caught by this undercurrent of shit, and you'll start to drown. Luckily i'm a strong swimmer. So i started listening to a lot of Jimmy Eat World and thinking about all the great things/memories that happened this summer that made me happy, like:

aruba, texas, and tour
new friends and being with people who put a smile on my face
really good old friends that will show up at my house on the day of a hurricane with mudslide mix and movies and stay in bed with me all day to cheer me up
the Twilight bookclub and the Mothers Day youtube video haha

and what i have to look forward to in the fall, like:

Boston next weekend
hoodie weather
all my friends that will be swinging through NY soon
adventures
a new season of Ghost Whisperer

I guess what i'm trying to say is, i'm much better and thank you for being patient with me.

Speaking of patients...i went and got my eyes examined today. looks like i'll be wearing bitchin driving glasses from now on. sweeeeeeeet. i got my pupils dilated. it may have been one of the weirdest/scariest things ever and looked like Puss In Boots from Shrek. Not being able to read anything on my blackberry was frightening!

ok i think that's all i got for you. here are pics from the south street seaport a couple weeks ago.

i'll miss you forever + a day

2008-09-04T18:44:00.004-04:00

i never ever wanted this blog to be sad, but today really sucks.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
Remember I'll always be true

Thanks for friends like this:

d: i almost want to just say fuck it and go out and get hammered tonight with you

d: i know. we would both be wrecks

d: me cause i havent eaten all day

d: you because... well you aspire to be tucker max

Dear Santa

2008-08-27T13:45:00.001-04:00

Please bring me one of these

edit...i will accept any one of the following of these:
i'd like it filled like a stocking full of Hoegaarden.

Sping Break OH TEN!!!

2008-08-26T23:37:00.003-04:00

So let me tell you about my weekend...well, Sunday really. I know, I know, it's almost Wednesday...eek! this week is flyin!

After waking up on Sunday and leaving Jamie a super sweet voicemail that went something like "Jamie, wake the fuck up, it's 10:30, i'm bored as shit and need to get out of the house. beach! beach! beach! call me back slut", and her finally calling me back, we decided it was far too cloudy the beach. "What do you want to do then?" I asked as i checked newsday.com....Seafood festival? no. Train tradeshow? nah. Horse drawn carriage exhibit? hale no. This is when Jamie was all "wanna go to the Hamptons?" to which i replied "duh! gotta go to att (for my phone which is totally messed up) & get gas, be at your house in 1/2 hour". On the way there we had to decide which part of the Hamptons we'd go to. We go to west hampton all the time & thought if we went, there was for a real chance we'd wind up at boardy barn, drunk and asleep in my car. So in order to resist temptation & do a lil shopping, we went to Southampton.

As we were getting into town we passed the Lobster Inn. It looked so cute and we were hungry & put me in the mood for lobster. Jamie suggested we go a lil but farther in to town to see if there were anymore lobstah places. Long story short, there wasn't & on the way back to the lobster inn, some douche in a Bentley that followed me for a couple o lights, honked his horn if i didn't step on the gas as soon as the light turned green. Being an expert in road games, at the 4th light i didn't move, screamed, gave him the finger & proceeded to drive 5 miles per hour until he learned his lesson.
We were sat on the lovely screened in porch at the back of the restaurant that over looked this river? is it a river? i think it was too big to be a creek, and there were lobster traps in the water...perhaps it was an inlet? Either way, it was beautiful & so nice to look at and a relaxing atmosphere to crack open a lobster & eat some bisque. That was until the kids showed up....these bratty little kids started running around the joint screaming at the top of their lungs. I started to block it out until it became blood curdling, when all of a sudden an old man that was seated diagonally across from us SCREAMS "QUIETTTTTTTTTTT! SOMEBODY SHUT THOSE KIDS UP". This threw everyone off guard. The mother of the kids was all "sir, i'm trying to control them". Gramps was like "yada yada yada" when all of a sudden another dude comes in , takes the bill that he's got in his hand that's in one of those bill holder things, and smacks the old man in the back of the head. This guy starts screaming "HEY! THOSE ARE MY KIDS! DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO THEM THAT WAY AGAIN! ILL THROW ALL OF YOU IN THE WATER RIGHT NOW! IM NOT SCARED!". Well, Gramps is just sitting there flabbergasted not knowing how to react, so his friend Uncle Milty, takes his 3 pronged cane & starts shoving at the dad when a waiter finally came in & broke it up. IT WAS INSANE. Never in my life have i seen such events take place. And that was basically it...everyone eventually calmed down, we finished our meal & walked around town - where i'm pretty sure i saw Paris' mom - mrs. kathy hilton.
I got home after a 2 hour drive and my Mini-Me was here.
after months and months of PLEADING "say Aunt Ashley, say Aunt Ash, pleasssse" and hearing her attempt to say the dogs names, i finally bribed her with some icecubes and she said "ashhhhh". It was pretty much one of the best feelings ever. To see my little niece go from this squishy bald thing that cried all the time to a lil person that runs around my house looking for "woof woof" and "baby woof woof" and calling out "choochoo pop" and saying "i love you nana" is pretty incredible...

i promise no other entry will ever have this much talk about kids. ever.again.

eh?

2008-08-20T01:08:00.003-04:00

to my future boyfriend that will one day turn into my future husband: please show up on my doorstep, with maybe some flowers in hand, wearing these shoes when you propose to me. I promise i'll most likely say yes.

here's a list of things of the top 5 things i miss:

the summer of 2007
tour
my tolerance
Big Tuna
the internet working at work.

my life...as of late...kinda.

2008-08-19T18:52:00.013-04:00

So i guess i owe you some stories huh? Better go put on a pot a coffee & get your reading glasses bc this might be a long one. I'll wait while the coffee brews....

ok ready?
Last Friday morning I took my bags to JFK and hopped on a plane to Boise, ID. After a lil layover in San Fran, I reached my destination. In the cab on the way to the venue the radio was playing "Mr. Personality", which was only my favorite song of 1994...I was like "sweet! this is gonna be a great week!". I got to Warped, which that day took place on a horse farm, and got all my shit situated and went exploring with my partner in crime, Vipes. The sunset that night was amazing. I've never seen so many colors in the sky before, i think i even said "i now understand the meaning of 'purple magic majesty'. i know how lame i sound, but i don't care what you think - it was super pretty.

the next day we played The Gorge in Washington. I have never seen anything as beautiful in my entire life. I woke up early and just kinda stared at the scenery.

after that it was off to Oregon. We played in St. Helen's & Eugine. St. Helen's definitely reminded me Twilight & i pictured Edward Cullin flying in the woods. (>loser<). Eugine was cool...very eclectic - there was even a magic shop that sold crystal skulls. The boys in gym class played in pj's even though the venue was SUPER hot. That was also the night Four Year Strong's bus broke down and Josh & Dan kept us company until our bus broke down the next morning and 25 of us rode on one very cramped bus to San Francisco. That was also the night Tyler Hates bought Seth some budlight/clamato concoction and challenged Tim & Seth to drink them. Tim pussed out, i had a sip and Patrick drank the entire thing. I never want to taste vomit in the form of beer ever again.

you can find the video of 25 of us trapped on the bus on FOE. It was all fun & games till we had to get back on it at 3 AM and have a slumber party in the front lounge. well, actually, watching Hook was fun. Trying to sleep wasn't. I remember looking out the window at 6 AM, passing a Sonic, and being pissed.

Somewhere in California, 40's were brought by one of my favorite old interns, Cady, I drank 3, and became the ashleycat40monster.
sorry guys.

Other than that we spent most of the time on the bus watching Frisky Dingo ((BOOOSH! Harumph)) and The Dog Whisperer (i still prefer the Ghost Whisperer) - which upsets me bc you'd think after watching 60 hours of Caeser, i'd be able to train the puppy, but no. None of the tricks are working on Cruiser.

Anyway, I doubt any of you dudes will read this, but if ya do, i just want to say thank you again. i had so so so much fun with you guys...even on grumpy hangover days. i miss you all & can't wait to see ya.

I think i have a bunch more stories & i know i have tons and tons more pictures to post, and i'll get them up during the week, pinky promise?, but i'm sleepy and need to hit the haiii. Here's just a little taste.

Idaho? no. you da ho.

2008-08-08T00:39:00.005-04:00

i'm so bumed i can't find that pillow case! i was going to show it to everyone in Boise tomorrow.
oh well, guess i'll just have to settle and make it my status on facebook.

i really shouldn't be writing this. i have to wake up in 4 hours & go to the airport. i can't believe tomorrow is the day. tomorrow is the day i've been talking about since march....since before march, really. my very first time on tour. i'm so so so nervous (where's a girl to poop and shower??) but so so so excited. you can catch all the live blogging i'll be doing for FriendsOrEnemies.com, here. i'm hoping we somehow run in to a Sonic so i can try the new fried ice cream blast. i loves me some fried ice cream.

i'm slowly recovering from last weekend, although my chest is still bruised from the traumatic rounds of vomiting that took place. Note to self: never again drink Goldschlager before going out. You are no longer in your teens and your body can't handle it. After i was kicked out of Monahan's for puking, i decided to leave them a nice present on their side walk: some more throw up! (this blog entry may be the reason why i don't have a boyfriend....perhaps?). Some guys started a bet and asked what i had for dinner....this is where Shana verbally bitch slapped him, so i'm told. I remember nothing else except for watching bits & pieces of super bad when i got home - the reason - my away message looked something like this: fogal this is bigger than us, sdjfkfgfgdfla groaslkw soem balllsjds.

Before pukefest 2k8 happened, jamie & i went to the Hall Of Science in flushing, right by those big spaceships from Men in Black and the Lemon Ice King of Corona.(there's an amazing pic under that lemon ice link). It was ok....no the place to go if you're in the mood to read stuff. Anddd the kids cutting me lines really bothered me, but i told myself "ash, calm down, today is not the day you get arrested for kicked a kid". I also found out that Plinko is merely a game of probability. See below for an example. Who knew?

i'm kinda getting really into the "Twilight" book series but fear for the youth of America that think relationships are supposed to be that way. Harry Potter FTW.

i love you basil.

so i guess i lied

2008-07-30T22:30:00.009-04:00

regular postings aren't happening. i'm sorry. i've just been busy running around and/or feel like i have nothing too exciting to write here. also, i've kinda been in a weird mood and would probably just use this blog as a platform to complain, and that's what my diary's for....

But speaking of complaining, i might as well blow off a lil steam. I'm pretty convinced that Spencer Pratt just may be the devil incarnate. Lucifer himself. i'm not sure why he's been on my mind all day...maybe bc i saw that horrible photoshoot he did w/heidi for US magazine? But Dude. That douchebag is what's wrong with the world. Why nothing is fair, gas prices are high and there are starving children in Africa. I blame all of it on him. I don't wish him death, but definitely maybe a coma? He reminds me of this dude that dated one of my friends in college that tried to have me kicked out for having a microwave. That's right President Donovan & all my RA's - i had a microwave, right under my bed, for all 2 years i lived on campus and guess what...i cooked many a things in that microwave (pasta anytimes, popcorn, easy mac, bagel bites, cup o noodles) sober & not so sober and guess what else...i didn't burn anything down. Not once did anything catch on fire. This is exactly what Mr. Pratt wants though. More press....and ya know what? 10 pesos says he has his name in google blog reader, will now see this and release a press statement trying to tell the world what's wrong with me.

Last weekend was Warped Tour. Im so nervousslashexcited about going out next week. FRIDAY Vipes and I will take over!!! Watch out boise!!! I can't believe it's time already & that tour's almost completely over. (Where'd this summer go? I feel like just yesterday i was waiting to get in to Boardy Barn... which btw - i still have the goddamn V tan). I tested out my bunk monday. It's so cozy. I hope we all tell ghost stories before we fall asleep. Not really scary ones, because then i'll never fall asleep, but cute ones about Casper. My feet are still dirty from going in the FYS pit w/out shoes on with Gaby. (Don't judge. i'm not one of those girls....yes, i did wear flip flops to warped...however, i took them off so i wouldn't lose them. it makes sense). Miraculously,my feet were not damaged, but i am having trouble lifting my right arm above my head.

Also last weekend, Shana & I went over to Jamies & danced around in the rain before i jumped in her pool during the storm. Probably not the smartest thing to do, i definitely could have been struck by lightning - but hey...i'm a risk taker. We also watched Penelope (which was so cute & depressing) and the forever classic Anchorman. There have been talks about getting "Stay Classy" tattoos for Rock's bday tomorrow. Aye Carumba.

That's pretty much it. The new Four Year Strong video was released today. Check it out. i think you'll like it. It was a fun set to be on and Jake's Snoop impression is kinda dead on.

That's pretty much all i got for ya. i really really really want a bagel and so i'm super distracted.
here are some old old old pics of some carnival i went to last summer i think?
enjoy!

ps - i have anew favorite website: www.wherearethedogshumping.com andddd Chris Crocker cracks me up.

i think my diary is jealous of my blog

2008-07-20T23:38:00.001-04:00

i'm not sure where i should start tonight...
well, here's something - Friday, Danielle, Alex & myself chose outside the bun and went to the big T-Bell for lunch. It was the first time i'd had it since a drunk night on longuyland many moons ago. I like to people watch as you may or may not know, and so as i was eating my little taco, who do i spy walking in to the door? Kirsti Alley. As soon as she walked in, she kinda did an about face and left...maybe she was upset bc everybody knew her name and weren't so glad she came.
Friday night we didn't go back to see Billy Joel. Tickets were wayyyy to expense and my dad was scared Shea Stadium would collapse. I hear that lil bitch Paul McCartney showed up. I'm kinda really upset i missed it. =0/. And so instead of going out w/Russ or heading to a bar with Rocks or showing up to Matt's party in Spring Valley, me & my migraine sat at home playing Guitar Hero till my eyes burned and it was time to fall asleep. btw - i just beat it on medium.

Saturday Rocks, the Gavster & I braved the thousand degree heat and went to the Village Restoration to see the Civil War Reenactment. You're probably wondering why i went and if i've gone before and the answers are "i don't know" and "yes". It's not like i'm a huge history buff, but there's something about grown men playing dress up that amuses me. We pulled in to the parking lot and someone's license plate said "GEN HILL"...that also amused me. Because it was so hot, they cut the war short, but, if you listened carefully during battle you could hear some of the ridiculous things the dudes said when they decide they'd had enough, were "hit" and died. I was cracking up when i heard someone scream "WHY ME?!!" and decided that even though this battle wasn't as long, it was just as good. I also saw a pig that had balls bigger than Cisco Adler. It was nuts. (pun intended).

I wound up staying home again last night and watched "The Ex" starring Zack Braff, Jason Bateman and a slue of other A-Listers with my sister. I kinda back it...then again, I backed "Kicking & Screaming" with Will Ferrell (can't wait for Step Brothers Friday).

Today we had my nieces second birthday party at the house. My bro's mom & her side of the family came over as well as my dad's. I thought it was pretty cool that after 20 something years my dad could sit in between my mom & his ex wife and everyone laughed & exchanged recipes. I kinda felt like the 3 of them were like Kate Hudson, that guy w/the long hair she was married to & Lance Armstrong. My niece is so so so cute. I just wish she'd start saying my name!

oh! i got my Land Camera to work. After buying 90$ worth of film and blowing thru (threw? though? someone please tell me which one i use) about $20 of it in an hour with no results, i FINALLY got it to work. Here's some shitty pictures of the pictures...i'll scan em for reals when i get a hot minute. i'm happy w/the way these 2 turned out.

ok that's it for me. hope you all got a chance to see batman.

PS - this is awesome. I love love love Girl Talk & someone on youtube is making videos for all the tracks off his latest album. it's pretty sweet and looks like it took an amazing about of time to do. check it out.

"i'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints...the sinners have much more fun"

2008-07-17T00:51:00.005-04:00

As i write this my ears are still ringing....

My Dad and I had been talking about going to see Billy Joel's last play at Shea for the past couple days but, like Cook's, did nothing about it...till today. I went on to stubhub and quickly snatched up a pair of tickets. All I can say say about tonight's experience is "HOLY FUCKING SHIT".
I met Pops by the 7 train at 7 and weeded through all the people to get to gate C. Dad brought my camera, bc i was told "digital/no video was allowed". We get to the purse only line where the lame ass security guard goes thru my shit and is all "this is professional camera, you can't come in here with this". I know you're only doing your job guy, but you're doing it wrong. You're plastic badge can't force me to make one of the hardest decisions of my life: Ditch the camera or ditch Billy Joel. A look of panic crawled across my face and i got the attention of another guard who i whined to and asked for help. He waved me in and i gave a big ole "nanny nanny poo poo" to the rent-a-cop.
We got to our seats and waited about 45 minutes for Billy to take the stage. It was insane. The scrims/the lights/the sounds. One of the best concert experiences i've ever had - and i was so far back i could only make out Mr. Joel's silhouette. During "New York State Of Mind" he stops the show and Tony freakin Bennett comes out. I was like "What?! How is this happening right now??". After a crazy rendition of Goodnight Saigon (where it looked like helicopters were about to land on the field and soldiers/marines/NYPD/FDNY members sang back up and i shed a tear) JOHN MAYER came out and played guitar while he made his signature crazy faces. I think my Dad had to pick my jaw up off the floor for me and I may or may not be developing my own man-crush on Mista Mayer. A couple more songs later Don Henley came out and sang "Boys of Summer." After that John (Cougar) Mellencamp played "Ain't that America"...really John? Really? Not Jack & Diane? I hate to say it, but i was kinda disappointed. Those were all the special guests but me & dad were sure Paul McCartney was coming out. At one point during "River Of Dreams" Billy broke out a Beatles song and we just looked at each other. I think my heart may have stopped beating....and thennn at the end, Bill is all "we want to thank The Beatles for letting us play at their house. They were and always will be the best band on planet earth" and then started playing "She Loves You". I'm pretty convinced Mr. McCartney will be there Friday for the final final show & so will I.
After leaving the stage & coming back for an encore, he played "scenes from an italian restaurant". This is my favorite Billy song and the song i wanted to hear the most. I should have prefaced this entry with a little note explaining that when i was in my early years of college i HATED Billy Joel while Ali was obsessed. She would play all these songs in our dorm room and i'd be miserable and all "ugh stop playing this shit. i hate him. he's so lame". The only song i would ask her to play every now and then was "scenes" when i thought the song was about someone named "Brenda Ranetty". Every year i learned to love him a little more though.

All I have left to say is that tonight was incredible. I'm so glad i shared it w/my dad. It's definitely a memory i'll have foreva eva and means a lot to me. (I wish you guys could have been there too...i know we woulda been dancin around, drinkin, making friends and screaming about heart attack-ak-ak-ak-ak-ak's). I'm also glad that the upper deck didn't collapse during "we didn't start the fire".

"I have the strangest feeling i forgot something"/"KEVIN!!!"

2008-07-15T22:20:00.008-04:00

Helllllo Nurse!
What a busy weekend i've had....it kind of flowed in to the week, which is why i'm just getting to this now. Friday night Mr. Matt Greco came over for the first time in months and we watched one of the Resident Evil movies. Well, i partially watched it from behind my hands (zombies are my biggest fear in life if you didn't know). He laughed at me and played w/his new iPhone, which he waited online 6 hours to get. I don't understand all the hubbub. I love my blackberry. I will not trade it in 6 months from now, and if i do, someone point this out to me and call me an idiot if i start to complain about the iPhone. Saturday my dad woke me up and was all "you wanna go to the Mets game today?". I was like sure why not! So after putzin round the house for a couple hours we met up w/a neighbor and ventured over to Shea. My dad bought me my favorite Carvel treat (soft serve vanilla with rainbow sprinkles) in a baseball helmet and the mets won their 8th game in a row. I wish i had taken my camera but i was too lazy to carry it. Caturday night me, rocks, jamie & ali decided to try out the new Croxleys in Farmingdale. It's where the downtown was, which is kind of weird, but i think i back it. There are 70 beers on tap. Unfortunately i didn't get to try any bc i was sober sista, but it was solgoodman bc it was a blasty blast. A bunch of old faces showed up which was really awesome. Here are some pics courtesy of mizz D.Rocks Sunday Jamie & I went to the Tobay and relaxed for a while. The water was so so nice...except for the jellyfish forest. The jellyfish forest was not so nice.

Yesterday Shana & I went for a long walk and saw an extra special sneaky showing of "The Dark Night". Until you've seen it, all i'm saying was it was amazing and heath ledger is phenomenal. On top of all that i found out we have a new puppy!!! His name is Cruiser but i think i'll wind up calling him Cruise or Mini Me. He's incredibly cute but his breath smells like poop. Dylan keeps licking him to death. I hope they become bff's and i one day have to confront them about txting each other bc they're going over our family share plan. All he really does is sleep & wag his tail. Here are some pics of him. You can start "awwwwwing" now.

Here's another pic from Rock's collection. it's from my bday weekend in the hamptons & i think it's super cute. :