it looks like a 5 year old just gave me my manicure

my cat probably could have done a better job.

here is a list of things i wish i had taken pictures of this week so far:

• the woman in the mall with the long denim jacket...it had a (hand-painted painted) jockey riding a racehorse sprinting across her bum.
  
• the unseeingly normal-from-the-outside Volvo in best buys parking lot. but ah no way was this true..the inside was 108% blinged out. The steering wheel/gear shift/whole shebang covered in svorski crystals. it looked like paris hiltons cell phone. and to top it all off, there was an amazing jesus statue taped on the dash.
  
• the incredible hulk - a lady walking down the street with bright green hair, bright green jeans & matching Reebok's. I wonder who made her mad?
  
• the 2 redheads with mullets. they were not together.
  

i finally got some pics developed from the summer/early spring.

I give Jason Segel's peen 2 thumbs up

Shana & I just got back from a lovely evening. We went to Mista Wisabiiiiii for dinna & Carvel (i had a sneak peak of the fried ice cream shake - it is love) for dessert. Then we went to see forgetting sarah marshall. it was so so so good. i want to be friends w/the apatow gang (i wish there was an "a" letter to use for a word like gang so it could be an alliteration).

on the way home shana almost hit a possum. our conversation went like this:
shana screaming: "ahh i didn't hit it!!!"
me screaming: "that was almost impossumble".


here's another pic from last weeks bbq:

"those are some big ass titties"

what an absolutely incredible weekend! Scotch Tape has shown me the secret of life. it is the most amazing website in the universe and i need to keep it a secret...but let's just say it has forever changed the way i will drink beer. friday night we took advantage of unsaid website and decided to get beers like manly men! we were supposed to go to the manhattan croxley's (sidenote - can't wait for farmingdale croxley's to open) but their outdoor seating was closed, so we went to d.b.a...no one told doug. oops. i had this south hampton beer that was something like 10% alcoholy and was so ting-tangy it burned my tongue.

saturday i woke up bright & early (noonish) and watched part of The Queen before i had to scoop up Gaby from the train, then it was off to good ole connecticut-it-out to see GCH & IATA. We showed up and it was like walking in to heaven. T-Pain was on a stage in the middle of a lawn in the center of all these little apartments on the University Of Hartford's WET CAMPUS. Kids were walking around campus, in front of cops, with 24 racks of natty ice & keystone light. The thought of not having to sneak alcohol around your college campus is a foreign concept to me and i think if it had been a reality i may never have graduated college and/or would definitely have a criminal record. Anyway, the show was great, i had tons of fun hanging w/my favorites that i haven't seen in months. lots of dance parties. exhibit a.
there's no evidence of the dance party on the bus, but danielle & brian have some moves & outkast will never sound the same. the highlight of the night was not seranwrapping a bus, throwing balls at people, riding a razor scooter, discovering how great sour cream&onion pringles + humus taste, the naked girls during clothes off, or the bra's being thrown on stage, no....but when mr. spett let me be in charge of the lights. it was so much fun. i think i've found a new calling.

because we got so lost on saturday night, yesterday i went out & bought a navigation system. i've named him ross. On top of seeing baby mama (i give it an "eh"), i went bidding on ebay and got this jem:

i can't wait for this to get here

i think we're going to have a long happy life together

says the islanders...

this morning

i saw a toot. thats prostitute for short. she may have been a stripper, but her revealing blue number leaned more towards the toot side. unbelievable.

it's been a month????

i'm going to try a couple new things...writing & listing (on top of pik-cha postin')

i was told i should write a book. this is a story that would be in it:
Saturday Dustin & I went to Central Park. We walked for hours and saw most of the highlights ("i don't get it. why is this imagine thing so special" he says). Anyway, we wound up at the carousel and i said please please please Dustin! Let's gooooo! and in a very Amy Winehouse way, he said "No no no". So i immediately went to the ticket booth and bought 2 tickets. Well, we get on the thing (i was looking for something zebra striped - no luck) and shizam! does it go fast! There was a little girl in front of me who wore a hearing aide. This spinning circle of doom went s0 fast this little girls hearing aide FLEW OFF and whizzed past me. I will never ride the Central Park carousel again. PS - avoid central park at all costs when the Pope is in town. Nightmare! Pictures follow:


things i want to do this summer:

• learn how to tight rope
• learn how to spit fire
• try every flavor Ralph's Italian Ices has to offer
• roadtrips

tonight was our first real bbq. and it was love